What A Complete Di(s)c

, , , , , | Right | September 12, 2018

(I work at a computer store in Newcastle around 1983 or ‘84. A customer comes in with an IBM compatible computer complete with monitor and keyboard.)

Customer: “Fix this piece of g**d*** s**t! It won’t read my floppy disks!”

Me: “Okay… and what exactly is it doing?”

Customer: “I put the disk in and turn it on, but it says, ‘Drive A is not ready.’”

(What was the problem, you may ask? The idiot didn’t take out the protective thingy for the disk drive! He angrily says to me:)

Customer: “Why didn’t I think of that?! F*** you and your misconceptions!”

(He left without his computer. Long story short, I got my first real computer for free, and I still have it!)

‘Sarcasm’ Is Also A Greek Word And We Hope That’s What They’re Being

, , , , | Right | September 5, 2018

(I work in a call centre. My coworker is spelling something out to a customer using the phonetic alphabet.)

Coworker: “‘D’ for Delta…”

Customer: “What? What is ‘delta’?”

Coworker: “It’s a Greek letter; we use it in the phonetic alphabet—”

Customer: “I don’t speak Greek! This is an English service! Speak English!”

What The F*** Did I Say?!

, , , , , , , | Related | July 12, 2018

(My aunt has to run to the shops while I am visiting, so she takes one of my cousins and I stay at home with the other one. We’re watching YouTube on my laptop when I accidentally knock it onto the floor.)

Me: “Oh, s***.”

Cousin: “S***! S***!”

Me: “Don’t say that! That’s a naughty word and we’re not allowed to say it!”

Cousin: “Is it… a swear word?”

Me: “Yes, and that’s why we can’t say it.”

Cousin: “Is it a swear word like ‘f***ing’?”

Me: “Where did you hear that?”

Cousin: “Mum calls people ‘f***ing idiots’ in the car a lot.”

Me: “Yes, they’re both swear words, and that’s why we don’t say them. Promise me you won’t say it.”

Cousin: ”I promise!”

(We go back to watching some kid’s show on YouTube. About half an hour later, my aunt gets home.)

Cousin: *jumps off the couch like her a**e is on fire and runs to greet her* “MUMMY! MUMMY! ‘F***ING’ IS A SWEAR WORD!”

(Thankfully, my aunt didn’t murder me… but I had to cook dinner that night as punishment.)

Unfiltered Story #115385

, , , | Unfiltered | July 2, 2018

(We are out on a company outing after a training day. We are ordering drinks at the table.)

Coworker: “Could I get some water?”

Waitress: Looks down at the jar in front of him and points.

Me and other coworkers: *laughing*

Unfiltered Story #104347

, , | Unfiltered | January 24, 2018

Dad: “I want fat-free vanilla. But only put about HALF of what you normally use.”

Employee: *scoops ice cream onto cone*

Dad: “Well, I wanted a little more than that.”

Employee: *scoops more ice cream onto cone*

Dad: “No, that’s too much.”

Employee: *frustrated, puts ice cream back and 5 minutes later manages to get the right amount onto the cone*

Me, Mom, Brother: *shake our heads while enjoying our ice cream*

Employee: “That’ll be $11.50.”

Dad: *flips through wallet for the right amount of cash while holding cone sideways – ice cream falls onto the counter*

Dad: “Gee, it wasn’t on there very good.”

(10 minutes later we’re all in the car going home)

Dad: “What’s wrong, Ben?”

Me: “I go to school with that guy, Dad!”

Dad: “What’s your point?”

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