What The F*** Did I Say?!

, , , , , , , | Related | July 12, 2018

(My aunt has to run to the shops while I am visiting, so she takes one of my cousins and I stay at home with the other one. We’re watching YouTube on my laptop when I accidentally knock it onto the floor.)

Me: “Oh, s***.”

Cousin: “S***! S***!”

Me: “Don’t say that! That’s a naughty word and we’re not allowed to say it!”

Cousin: “Is it… a swear word?”

Me: “Yes, and that’s why we can’t say it.”

Cousin: “Is it a swear word like ‘f***ing’?”

Me: “Where did you hear that?”

Cousin: “Mum calls people ‘f***ing idiots’ in the car a lot.”

Me: “Yes, they’re both swear words, and that’s why we don’t say them. Promise me you won’t say it.”

Cousin: ”I promise!”

(We go back to watching some kid’s show on YouTube. About half an hour later, my aunt gets home.)

Cousin: *jumps off the couch like her a**e is on fire and runs to greet her* “MUMMY! MUMMY! ‘F***ING’ IS A SWEAR WORD!”

(Thankfully, my aunt didn’t murder me… but I had to cook dinner that night as punishment.)

Unfiltered Story #115385

, , , | Unfiltered | July 2, 2018

(We are out on a company outing after a training day. We are ordering drinks at the table.)

Coworker: “Could I get some water?”

Waitress: Looks down at the jar in front of him and points.

Me and other coworkers: *laughing*

Unfiltered Story #104347

, , | Unfiltered | January 24, 2018

Dad: “I want fat-free vanilla. But only put about HALF of what you normally use.”

Employee: *scoops ice cream onto cone*

Dad: “Well, I wanted a little more than that.”

Employee: *scoops more ice cream onto cone*

Dad: “No, that’s too much.”

Employee: *frustrated, puts ice cream back and 5 minutes later manages to get the right amount onto the cone*

Me, Mom, Brother: *shake our heads while enjoying our ice cream*

Employee: “That’ll be $11.50.”

Dad: *flips through wallet for the right amount of cash while holding cone sideways – ice cream falls onto the counter*

Dad: “Gee, it wasn’t on there very good.”

(10 minutes later we’re all in the car going home)

Dad: “What’s wrong, Ben?”

Me: “I go to school with that guy, Dad!”

Dad: “What’s your point?”

No Cheer Spread On My Food Today, Thanks

, , , , , | Right | December 27, 2017

(Christmas for me this year isn’t turning out the greatest, with a few elder relatives becoming very sick and financial struggles of my own. It’s my last day of work before Christmas day. I’m working the drive-thru and I decide to try and spread the cheer anyhow, despite my own feelings.)

Me: “…And here’s your receipt. Have a good day and Merry Christmas!”

Customer: *turning red in the face* ‘I’M JEWISH!’

(She sped off, leaving me speechless and wondering why I even bothered.)

Best To Avoid The Void

, , | Right | January 13, 2011

(I can’t cancel sales. If customer doesn’t want an item, I must void it and it still appears on the next receipt with the deletion below. This conversation takes place after I voided a $30 CD player and another customer comes through.)

Customer: “The previous lady’s CD player is still on my receipt. I don’t want to pay for it!”

Me: “Sorry madam, but if you look just below the CD player It says ‘Void CD Player’ and there is a -$30 next to it meaning the money has already come off your total.”

Customer: *agitated* “I’m not very good at maths, but that doesn’t sound right. I don’t believe you.”

Me: “The total of your items was only $16.50. If you had to also pay for the CD player, it would have been $46.50. You only gave me $20.”

Customer: “I’m don’t believe you. If I figure out how you tricked me I’ll be back!”

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