Unfiltered Story #146908

, , | Unfiltered | April 14, 2019

Me: Good morning, Splash Restaurant. This is Ashleigh speaking.

Customer: Hey, I’m wondering if you take reservations for half a person?

Me: Half a person…??

Customer: Yeah because I’m in a wheelchair.

Me: Oh! Yes of course we do!

Customer: And is it half price for half a person?

Me: Ummm, I’m not sure it is.

Customer: But I’m half a person so I would eat half as much.

Me: Sorry mate, I don’t make the rules. You’ll have to talk to the Manager on this one.

Customer: Is he in?

Me: He does get here in around an hour.

Customer: Cool! I’ll call back then!

They’re So Not Ready To Make Long-Distance Calls

, , , , , | Right | January 12, 2019

Me: “Hello, welcome to [TV company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help?”

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Where is your call centre?”

(I brace myself for the inevitable racist rant about having to speak with offshore and outsourced call centres, etc.)

Me: “[Major UK City].”

Customer: “That explains why you’re so quiet. I can barely hear you! You’re so far away.”

Me: “I… I am sorry? Well, I will make sure I shout as loud as I can to make sure you can hear me in [Other Major UK City 150 miles away from where I am].”

(Because that’s how telephones work?)

Trying To Reason With Them Is Very Taxing

, , , , , , | Friendly | January 6, 2019

(A coworker and I are on the bus home. This coworker is American and holds some political views that are very unusual in the EU. We are talking about tax in Britain which he considers to be too high.)

Me: “But you get quite a lot in return for it. The NHS for example.”

Coworker: “I just don’t believe in taxes.”

Me: “I get that you think they are too high, but you have to believe in some level of taxation.”

Coworker: “No, I don’t believe in any taxes at all.”

Me: “Didn’t you used to work for the army?”

(Another passenger sitting nearby starts sniggering.)

Coworker: “Well, I believe in taxes for defence, but not for anything else!”

Me: “Did you go to a public school?”

Coworker: “Yes, but…”

Me: “Do you drive on public roads?”

Coworker: “If there were no taxes people would set these things up for themselves.”

(Who knew Republicans are apparently anarchists?)

Should Have Read More Into Sports

, , , , , | Friendly | December 6, 2018

Shortly after I move to Newcastle, a taxi driver and I have a chat about what he tells me is a historical problem with poor education in the town. He says that he personally knows a lot of guys from his school who left practically unable to read and write — he is probably in his mid-fifties. We agree that this is awful and talk about how there are lots of supports nowadays for adult learners.

That weekend, I am queuing to go into a pub when I see a sign saying the “Newcastle Reading Championship” is on in the pub that night. I think how it’s great that there is a celebration of adult learners, but I do think it’s kind of strange they are doing it in a pub.

When I get into the bar, I see a crowd of football supporters watching Newcastle playing Reading in a Championship game.

What A Complete Di(s)c

, , , , , | Right | September 12, 2018

(I work at a computer store in Newcastle around 1983 or ‘84. A customer comes in with an IBM compatible computer complete with monitor and keyboard.)

Customer: “Fix this piece of g**d*** s**t! It won’t read my floppy disks!”

Me: “Okay… and what exactly is it doing?”

Customer: “I put the disk in and turn it on, but it says, ‘Drive A is not ready.’”

(What was the problem, you may ask? The idiot didn’t take out the protective thingy for the disk drive! He angrily says to me:)

Customer: “Why didn’t I think of that?! F*** you and your misconceptions!”

(He left without his computer. Long story short, I got my first real computer for free, and I still have it!)

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