Plenty Of Free Samples Of Bad Customers

, , , , | Right | December 19, 2018

(I work in one of those wholesale clubs that give out free samples to customers while they shop. Our standard hours for samples are from 10:30 am to 5:00 pm and anybody who shops here knows this. This customer is a regular, and we all dread seeing him. Today he rolls up in his little, motorized shopping cart as I am cleaning up my cart at 4:50. We should all be gone by 5:00.)

Customer: “What’s this? It’s dinner time; where are you going?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we’re done for the day.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just not fair. Don’t you have any more samples in your cart?”

Me: “Nope, sorry, sir.”

Customer: “That’s just bad business. You guys are here to serve food while we shop; why would you leave at dinner time?”

(He is still going on about how we should be working until 8:00 when everybody would be done eating, and I am silently losing my cool. But I sigh and explain to him the well-known company policy that we only work weekends during the day so parents can bring their children shopping with them.)

Customer: “But what about us that work during the day?”

Me: “We work during the day, too. Many people come in to shop during their lunch break and snack around the store.”

Customer: “Well, my work is too important for me to just leave.”

(Might I mention, this is the same customer who boasts about being retired and spending his days playing golf and living off his military pension. After him yelling at me some more, he said he was going to write to the company saying that we should work until after “dinner time” so he could get his samples after the country club closes. He was regaling my coworker a few aisles away about this as I pushed my cart to the warehouse section, and she was doing all she could to be polite until he was done. In our office, she told me that I could have at least warned her.)

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This Game Has Its Ups And Downs

, , , , , , , | Friendly | August 17, 2018

(My friends and I are playing a tabletop roleplaying game similar to “Dungeons and Dragons.” We have three players and our Game Master. We have been given a fairly standard fetch quest, gathering up a bunch of items to be brought back. One part of the quest leads us to a series of caves that requires us to swim through an underwater lake. That forces us to leave most of our weapons and armor behind. The three of us venture into the cave, armed only with what little we can carry through the water. Our wizard, though, has a magical dagger. Once a day, it can cast the spell “Stand Still.” As the name implies, the target is frozen in place, unable to move. The caverns are largely uneventful, and at last we reach the macguffin. In this case, it’s a crystal on a pedestal. I check it for traps, then pick it up. This causes a stone door to rise, opening the way. But it also reveals a cave troll! Properly equipped, it will be no match. But in our current state, it is a dangerous foe. Our wizard draws his dagger.)

Wizard: “I cast–”

Me: “Wait! Is it in the doorway yet?”

Game Master: “Uh, yeah. The troll is in the door.”

Me: “Now!”

Wizard: “I cast Stand Still!

Game Master: “The troll is frozen, its body blocking the exit.”

Me: “I put the crystal back.”

Game Master: “You… Wait, you what?”

Me: “I put the crystal back on the pedestal.”

Game Master: “You… Oh, man. The door closes, bones snap, and flesh pops as the massive stone crushes the troll.”

Me: “I pick up the crystal.”

Game Master: “The door opens, blood and viscera dripping…”

Me: “I put the crystal back.”

Game Master: “The door closes.”

Me: “I pick the crystal up.”

Game Master: “The door opens.”

Me: “I put the crystal back.”

Game Master: “The door closes.”

Me: “I pick the crystal up.”

Game Master: “The door opens.”

Me: “I put the crystal back.”

Game Master: “IT’S DEAD!”

Me: “Just checking!”

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Needs A “Change” In Tactics

, , , , | Legal | August 16, 2018

(My supervisor is telling a coworker and me about a high school student who was working in the store one holiday season. My supervisor was on one register, and the  student was on another when a man charged into the store and right up to her register.)

Man: “I want the money.”

Coworker: “Excuse me?”

Man: “I want you to open the register, and get me the money.”

Coworker: “Sir, I can’t open the register. I’ll need to get a manager to open it.” *she reaches for her radio and calls out, the whole time staring the man right in the eye* “MOD, MOD, there’s a man up at the front who’s demanding money out of the register.”

Manager: *over the radio* “What, like the change was miscounted and he wants it fixed?”

Coworker: *continuing to make eye contact with the man* “Oh, no. He’s trying to rob us.”

(As soon as my coworker oh-so-casually mentioned he was attempting to rob them, he ran out of the store as fast as he could. My supervisor was laughing too hard at the story to tell us if he was arrested or not for the haphazard robbery attempt.)

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Falsely Advertising Your Clearly Advertised Date!

, , , , , , | Right | July 8, 2018

(It’s my first day working at a fabrics and craft store. It’s important to note that during that week, there was a sale from October 19th through the 25th, though in the flier there were coupons that expired throughout the week. A middle-aged man comes through my register. While I’m very friendly and try to be polite while working, I don’t have much tolerance for stupidity.)

Me: “Hi! How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I have a coupon.”

Me: “Okay, I can get that scanned in any point before I hit ‘total.’”

(The customer shoves the coupon in front of the scanner himself, and a message comes up on my screen saying it’s expired.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; that coupon expired on the twentieth.”

Customer: “The flier’s good all week, though.”

Me: “Absolutely, but the coupon isn’t. See?”

(I turn the monitor towards him so he can see the message.)

Customer: “That’s false advertising!” *shoves the flier at me* “The flier says it’s good until the twenty-fifth!”

Me: *taking that moment to hold the flier to get a proper look* “Yes, but sir, on the coupon it clearly says it expired on the twentieth.”


Me: “Sir, it clearly states an expiration date. The flier is for sales going on this week.”

(I take a highlighter used for marking receipts and mark the expiration date on the coupon.)

Customer: “I’m going to sue you, personally, for false advertising.”

Me: *at my limit* “Good luck. Your item is [amount].”

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Raw And Exposed Data

, , , , , | Right | June 20, 2018

(I work at a big box electronic retailer in their IT division. I’m helping a 16-year-old girl and her father. They are here to pick up the girl’s computer after a repair that did not require a data backup.)

Me: “Okay, your computer is fixed.” *shows that damage has been repaired*

Girl: “What about my pictures? Are my pictures there?!”

Me: “Yes, this was a damaged keyboard; it didn’t affect your data in any way.”

Girl: *in the most dramatic, panicked, voice you can imagine* “I don’t believe you! Where are my pictures?! Why aren’t you showing me my pictures?!”

Me: “Okay, calm down.”

(I turn the laptop on, click on the pictures directory, and click on a random picture to bring it up. The randomly-chosen picture happens to be of a young, muscular man, fully nude, holding an enlarged portion of his anatomy that is larger than what is considered average.)

Me: “Woah!”

(I turn the laptop around to face my side of the counter as not to expose other customers. One of my coworkers turns and notices the image I have just turned in his direction.)

Coworker: “WHOA!”

(I alt-F4 faster than I have ever alt-F4ed in my life.)

Father: “Was that…?”

Girl: *stunned silence*

Me: “I don’t know; I didn’t see anything”

Father: “Thank you.”

(He put $100 on the counter for a $30 repair, closed the laptop lid, and walked away with his mortified daughter in tow. We bought chicken wings for the whole team. We still talk about it to this day.)

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