CONTENT WARNING: Suicide Ideation

I was in my first week on the phones after training. As it was April of 2020, I was not in the office but being looked after in my work-from-home setup.

It was my last call of the day. The customer had physically damaged their device, so a repair was the next step. I was explaining the limited options due to lockdowns starting in their area and that they weren’t able to go to their preferred store due to this. The call had been relatively normal up to this point, though with a few minor phrasings and comments that made me think the caller might not be all there.

Me: “All right. Since you don’t want to do any of the repair options, we’re going to have to wait until things open up more.”

The caller spoke in the same tone that someone would use to comment on the weather in a boring conversation.

Caller: “Okay, I guess I’ll just kill myself, then.”

Panic mode instantly shut down almost everything, and I jump instantly to the “if a customer threatens harm” area of my training:

Me: “Please don’t hurt yourself; we don’t want you to hurt yourself. If you feel that way, you should talk to a doctor or someone—”

Caller: “No, I think I’ll just kill myself.” *Click*

I called back immediately, very panicked but keeping my tone as calm as I could.

Me: “I’m sorry, we seemed to get cut off there. I just wanted to make sure you were all right and heard what I was saying — that we don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Caller: *Slightly confused tone* “But I can’t go to [Repair Shop] and my [Device] is broken?”

Me: “No, you can’t right now, I’m sorry. The only other way to get it fixed right now is [slightly roundabout method].”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll just do something, maybe kill myself. Bye.”

I freaked out more than a little, calling up the supervisor level, asking if it counted as a customer being in “immediate physical danger” because, again, that tone was so casual. My brain was just looping on the “threat”.

The supervisor managed to calm me down and gently explained that I had done my best, but if the customer wasn’t accepting my comments, it wasn’t like we could force them into medical help, and since we didn’t really know where they were, then it wasn’t like we could get an ambulance out there.

I ended up at my end-of-day briefing sobbing over it and had no less than three of our trainers jumping up on the conference program to call me directly and make sure I was okay.

I STILL don’t know what was going on in that person’s head, or if they really meant anything by it, but I lost someone important to such thoughts, so there was no way I wouldn’t try to stop it if I could.

The weirdest praise I got for it, though, came from the trainer who I’d chosen for the comfort, who reinforced that they were impressed at how well I’d reacted to it in terms of giving the customer the correct information — that we didn’t want them hurt and that they should see a doctor for those feelings — and attempting to get help. Apparently, she didn’t think even a fully-trained supervisor would have responded with those sentiments so immediately. So… good for me for having a traumatic childhood?

I work for a telecommunications company.

Customer: “My Internet keeps dropping out.”

Me: “Before we troubleshoot, can you tell me what lights are lit on your router?”

He tells me, and then he adds a crucial bit of information.

Customer: “It keeps smoking and sometimes sets itself on fire. Is it not meant to do that?”

Me: “Sir, please turn your router off. Do not turn it back on.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “It is not standard for our router to do that and may set your house on fire.”

I then place the customer on hold while I get approval to send out a replacement router from a somewhat bemused and amused manager.

Me: “I am sending you out a new router. This one is several versions newer than your current one.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

I then educated our customer on proper placement for the router, suitable surfaces to place the router (such as not on fluffy things), and that we should use the power supply that is included with the router. Lovely customer, just needed a little extra education with the router.

As one of the youngest people in our hospital, I am tasked with a considerable amount of IT on all of our administration appliances. I spend a lot of time showing doctors how to use photocopiers!

As we’re a hospital, we’re twenty-four-seven, and I get left a lot of notes about things “not working” when in reality, they haven’t turned said machine on. To alleviate this, I have instructions aimed low — like for a child — around machines we have the most trouble with, including what supplies to use, where to find them, and which buttons to push.

We have a nurse who has been here for over twenty years. While she’s delightful to work with, she is completely absent-minded. We have one laminator for the whole hospital, and it was donated. I come into work one morning to find a note on my desk from this nurse.

Nurse: “Laminator is broken. Please fix ASAP!”

To my absolute horror, the nurse had either disregarded the instructions about the laminator or just made them up! Instead of using the plastic glue sleeves provided (with instructions) she’d found the nearest plastic thing and shoved it in. This turned out to be the plastic covers used for binding reports. The nurse had grabbed two, sandwiched what she needed inside, and put them through the laminator. Of course, this didn’t work and jammed the whole machine, as it got hotter and hotter and accordioned inside the machine.

When she realised that her document hadn’t come out the other side, she found a cleaner to help her. The best idea between the two of them was to do the exact same thing again until the cleaner realised the burning smell wasn’t normal.

It took me six hours to clean out the melted plastic blockage, using as many medical implements I could find, and she complained to my boss later that day that I didn’t have her documents ready for her!

Our call center handles everything for its members, from various types of insurance to health care to banking. Most of the calls are cut and dry, some are a bit tricky, and some are… well…

Surprisingly, the venom isn’t directed at me in this instance! That being said, it’s been nearly ten years since this particular call and I still remember it.

Me: “[Company], you’re speaking with [My Name].“

Caller: “Hi, I need to update my vehicle insurance.“

Me: “Sure!” *Confirms his security information* “All right, how can I help?“

Caller: “I need to change my licence plate number for [Car].”

Me: “Okay, not a problem. I just ne—”

Caller: “Yeah, my bloody wife and kids bought me one of those personalised plates for my birthday.“

Me: “Oh, that’s ni—”

Caller: “It’s f****** terrible, and I hate it.“

Me: *Pauses* “Well, that’s—”

Caller: “But I have to use it, don’t I? Stupid gift, what a waste of money.” *Gives me the details* “Ugh.“

Me: “Umm, that’s all updated for you now, and a confirmation letter will be coming out to you soon.“

Caller: “Great.” *Click*

I can understand not liking a gift, but maybe talk to them about it? His poor family.

I have done my time in retail. I know yelling at the frontline worker doesn’t help. I also know there are scripts to be followed. Sometimes, though, you just can’t lever a person off the tracks.

Our Internet goes out suddenly one day. I do a hard reboot of the modem and router. The router comes back up properly, but the modem gets to the “DS” (downstream) light and just sticks there, flickering. Ten minutes later, after three more hard resets, an attempt to log in remotely, and a full cord plug-and-replug, I call the helpline.

After thirty minutes of “Your call is important, but have you tried looking online for the answer?” and no recordings about an area outage, I get to the first layer.

Me: “Hi. Our Internet has gone out suddenly. It doesn’t seem to be able to get a downstream signal.”

Tech #1: “Okay, we’ll try restarting the router first.”

Me: “All right. I’ve done it three times already, but here we go.” *Pauses to do so* “Okay, all the lights on the router are coming back on, but I still don’t have Internet.”

Tech #1: “So, the power light is on on the router? You have to wait until all the lights come back on.”

Me: *Dying slightly* “Yes, the power light is on, and so is the Wi-Fi light. The Internet light is not on.”

Tech #1: “Is the Internet light on?”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Tech #1: “We have to wait for all the lights to come on.”

Me: “I understand, but please listen here. The Internet light is not coming on on the router because the modem is not getting a signal.”

Tech #1: “Oh, so the Wi-Fi light is on?”

Me: “Yes, the Wi-Fi light is on.”

Tech #1: “We’re going to try restarting your router again.”

I play along twice, and then I try to explain again that the ROUTER is fine but the MODEM is not getting the signal. Finally, I seem to have confused the tech more than anything else, as he tries to ping us.

Tech #1: “I’m not getting any signal from your router.”

Me: “Probably not, since the modem doesn’t seem to be letting anything through.”

Tech #1: “Maybe we should restart it again…”

Me: *Breaking* “Please, no, please listen. For all this call, you’ve been asking about just the router. The router is fine. I can log in to the router from this end. The router says it is not getting a signal from the modem. Can you please, please, please advance on to a modem check?”

Tech #1: “…I think you need a modem check.”

I say a tiny prayer to the heavens.

Tech #1: “Let me connect you.”

He puts me through to the next tier.

Tech #2: “Hi! I understand you haven’t got Internet.”

Me: “That’s right. It dropped out very suddenly. I didn’t get any alerts about a system outage, and none seemed to come up with your colleague.”

Tech #2: “Right. Have we restarted your router yet?”

Me: *With my eye twitching* “Yes, we have done that three times on the call, and I did it three times on my own before the call. The issue seems to be with the modem not getting a signal.”

Tech #2: “Are you sure? Can I get you to tell me what lights are on on the router?”

Me: *Near tears* “On the router, the power and Wi-Fi lights are lit, but not the Internet. On the modem, the power light is lit, but it’s flashing on ‘DS’ and has not advanced on any of the restarts. Please help us fix our Internet.”

Tech #2: “I can’t seem to ping your router at all.”

Me: “Yes! I think something is going wrong with the modem. The router is acting normally.”

Tech #2: “Can we restart the router again?”

Me: “Fine, I will, but can you please listen? The modem is showing it’s not getting a signal; the router is fine.”

[Tech #2] hems and haws for a few minutes before declaring that something might be wrong with the modem. Fine, great. Finally, we go to set up service. It won’t be for three days due to stupid stuff.

Tech #2: “Okay, now that this is booked, I’m going to offer you some cellular data for your devices to use while you’re waiting.”

Me: “Sorry, what devices?”

Tech #2: “Your phones. We’ll extend you some extra data there for the downtime. Hmm, we don’t have a number for your account for one, but that’s okay; we’ll just issue you one for the interim, even if you’re not using our cell service, just so you can have some data.”

Me: “Oh, no, please don’t do that. No one here has a smart device.”

Tech #2: “It’s okay. You don’t have to have a number with us.”

Me: “No! Please, that’s not the issue. Neither I nor my flatmate has a smart device of any kind; it will be a useless gesture.”

Tech #2: “You just head to our store and they’ll give you a sim to use for it.”

Me: “Can you hear me? We have zero smart devices — no smartphones, no tablets, nothing. We have a laptop and a desktop, and neither takes data credit. We don’t need it. We’ll survive.”

Tech #2: “Right, that’ll be ready if you go to the store after now. Have a lovely day!”

It turned out that a cable had come off our power line outside the house, causing — you guessed it — no Internet signal to the house. I swear, though, I have never had a more stupid encounter in trying to explain that the problem lay in the Internet, not the physical devices, and that someone might legitimately not use a smart device.