(My dog and I volunteer at a rest home, and when we visit, he wears a special scarf. After our visit one day, we walk to a nearby supermarket. I tie him up outside. He’s still wearing his scarf.)

Man: “Oh, what a lovely dog. Can I pat him?”

Me: “Of course you can!”

(I smile and start to walk into the store. The man calls out:)

Man: “Hey! You’re allowed to take your guide dog into the supermarket with you; otherwise, how will you see?”

Me: “Oh… I’m not blind. He’s not a guide dog. He’s a companion dog. We visit at the rest home down the road there.”

Man: “Yes, but you’re still allowed to take guide dogs into the supermarket. You can take him in with you.”

Me: “Um… yes, you can take guide dogs in, but the thing is, he’s not a guide dog, and I’m not blind. I’m pretty sure the supermarket staff would have something to say about it if I took him in.”

Man: “That’s appalling! They can’t do that; it’s illegal. You’re allowed to take your guide dog into the supermarket. You go on in and take him with you! I’ll be right here, and if they give you any trouble they’ll hear about it from me!”

(Not knowing what else to do, I reach down and remove my dog’s scarf. I hold it up and say:)

Me: “This says ‘Canine Friends Pet Therapy.’ It’s a red scarf. Do you think I’d know that if I were blind?”

Man: “Well, they won’t let you take him in now. You should have left his scarf on!”

(Off he strolled, leaving me quite stunned and speechless. I’ve made sure to remove my dog’s scarf as soon as we leave the rest home from then on!)

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(I am standing behind the desk, inputting stock data into the computer inventory, when a customer approaches the desk. I enter the last number on the stock item – less than one second – and look up.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Customer: “You can start by dragging your eyes away from that screen you seem so glued to.”

Me: “I’m sorry? I—”

Customer: “It’s extremely rude to keep playing your computer games when there’s someone waiting to be served. I don’t appreciate being ignored.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry you felt ignored. It wasn’t intentional and I apologise. It won’t happen again. Now, what can I do for you?”

Customer: *huffs and puffs and heaves a big sigh* “I’m looking for [Book] by [Author]. I can’t seem to find it on the shelves. Do you have it in stock?”

Me: *turning to the computer monitor* “Let me look it up for you.”

Customer: “You’re doing it AGAIN!”

(An older client comes in.)

Client: “Do you do lemonade?”

Me: “Do we do… lemonade?”

Client: “Yes, I was told you do that here.”

Me: “I’m sorry; this is a graphics and print shop.”

Client: “I know that. I’m not an idiot.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

Client: “Look. If you can’t lemonade these papers for me then I’ll go somewhere else!”

Me: “Do you mean… laminate?”

(Eventually he got his files “lemonaded”!)

(Our bar is one of three bars, two restaurants, and a cafe in the same complex. Any advertising for food deals has the name of the bar very clearly displayed and is displayed outside the outlet it corresponds to. The customer in this story has just ordered two steak meals off me. Our bar only has t-bone steaks so it’s not uncommon for customers who want a t-bone to just ask for steak.)

Me: “Okay, so that’s two t-bone steaks, cooked med and med-rare. You’re total is $49.”

(The customer hands me a $50 note.)

Me: “Thanks. Here is your $1 change and your table number.”

(The customer takes the table number and change, reaches over the bar, and snatches their receipt off the printer. He then walks away, shows the receipt to his wife, and then walks back to the bar and interrupts me serving the next customer.)

Customer: “You gave me the wrong change.”

Me: “Umm, no. I gave you a $1 change from a $50 note for a $49 meal.”

Customer: “The steaks are only $16.50 each.”

Me: “No, sorry, if you look at the menu in front of you, our t-bone steak is $24.50.”

Customer: “I know what I’m talking about. I didn’t order a t-bone. I ordered the steak. The sign outside says you have a steak special for $16.50. Stop trying to rip me off and give me my change.”

Me: “We don’t have a steak special in this bar. [Other Bar] next door, on the other hand, has a steak special. I’ll give you a refund and you can go next door and order from them.”

Customer: “Well, that’s what I wanted and I ordered here, so give me the change and give me that meal.”

Me: “I can’t. It’s a different bar.”

Customer: “Well, how the f*** am I meant to know that?!”

Customer He Interrupted: “Because it says it on the sign. Now take your refund and leave.”

Customer: “Do you do fancy coffee?”

Me: “Umm, you mean like cappuccino and flat white?”

Customer: “Yeah, but the one with chocolate in it?”

Me: “Hot chocolate?”

Customer: “No! The one with chocolate and coffee.”

Me: “Oh, you want a moccachino?”

Customer: “Yes, but with caramel as well. What do you call that?”

Me: “Ah, a moccachino with caramel?”

Customer: “Yes I want one of those. Wait, I might want two. Hang on.”

(She then walks to the other side of our seating area to talk to her friend. I’m not too worried by this as it’s quiet anyway.)

Customer: “No, only one of those.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $4.50.”

Customer: “Do you do those special coffees like they do in America?”

Me: “An Americano?”

Customer: “Is that the one with alcohol in it?”

Me: “Oh, no, I think you mean an Irish coffee or a liqueur coffee.”

Customer: “No, not Irish coffee, just the ones with alcohol in them?”

Me: “You mean with [Brand Irish Whiskey], or [Brand of Creamy Liqueur] in them?”

Customer: “Yeah, those ones!”

Me: “Yeah, they’re called Irish coffee or liqueur coffee. Do you want one of them as well?”

Customer: “Oh, no. Have you done my coffee and chocolate thing yet?”