This Customer Is Jade-d

, , , , | Right | January 12, 2019

(I work in the jewelry department of a large store in New Zealand. We can’t sell New Zealand greenstone because of tribal rights to the stones (fair enough) so we sell Canadian jade carved in very similar ways.)

Me: *showing customer one of our jade necklaces*

Customer: “So what is it?”

Me: “It’s a pendant made from Canadian jade.”

Customer: “No, I mean what’s it made from.”

Me: “It’s… Canadian jade.”

Customer: *has a puzzled expression on her face*

Me: *sees this and continues to explain* “It’s… jade… from… Canada.”

Customer: *very rudely scoffs* “Well, I could have guessed that!”

A Reasonable Reaction To Chocolate Deprivation

, , , , , | Right | January 12, 2019

(I’m on order-taker and cashier one night when we run out of the most popular flavour of sundae topping, chocolate. Most customers are fine with just taking one of the two other flavours we offer, including this guy, who’s order has been going as normal until this point, if not a little too long. I remain my happy, polite self throughout this whole time, however.)

Customer: *pulls up to the first window* “I’ll have to change the combo to a medium, I only have $20.”

(This is no issue, so I automatically change it on my screen. That only brings his order down to $20.90. I apologise to the customer and ask him what he’d like to take off.)

Customer: “I don’t want to take anything off!”

Me: “Sorry, but you’ll have to take something off to get under $20.”

Customer: *suddenly pulls out a $50 note from somewhere in his car and snaps* “NEXT TIME HAVE F****** CHOCOLATE, THEN!”

Just Axing For Trouble

, , , , , | Romantic | January 6, 2019

This happens when I am a single 24-year-old. I am walking home through my local park around nine pm — so wickedly late! — when a girl comes up to me. She’s young, maybe 16 or so, and she tells me she’s been sent over by her friend sitting at the picnic tables to ask me for my number. Apparently, her male friend is too shy to ask me himself.

While this might be considered cute to some, I have literally never seen this boy in my life before. I find it stupid and creepy. But then, I have an idea. While I have no interest in the boy, I am curious about his tactics. I let the girl take my number, and she gives me hers as well as his, so I have some back up that he’s “not a creep or anything.”

About an hour later the young man texts me. Nothing spectacular, but with traditional w1ck3d l33t txt sp33k, with no sense of grammar or spelling, asking me about maybe a date. I text back with proper spelling, capitalization, and grammar — as a hint — to suggest that I don’t know him at all, and point out that asking some stranger for their number in the middle of the night is not the smartest thing to do.

Two more rounds of text ensue; he seems puzzled by my lack of interest. Finally, I drop my kicker.

“You don’t know me at all. I’m just some stranger from the park. For all you know, I could be a psychotic ax-murderer.”

Strangely, he never texted me again after that.

I always wonder if he got the hint about harassing strange women, or if he went around freaked out that he might have just gotten himself put onto a hit list.

You Can’t Dismiss The Karma On This One

, , , , , | Working | December 20, 2018

(Since I began my job, one of the managers has taken a dislike to me, which I cannot understand and which she never explains. I get on really well with everyone else, and over time they all notice her attempts to bully me and the unfair way she treats me. They cannot understand it, either, but according to some of my colleagues who’ve been with the company a long time, she has a habit of singling out a particular person to try and bully and dominate. Our working relationship deteriorates over time. I stand up to her bullying, which she hates. I always make sure my work is flawless so she has no reason to complain, but she deliberately gives me the most difficult tasks to do. The better I do my job, the more surly she becomes. Finally, she resorts to accusing me of things I haven’t done — including stealing — and fires me. I immediately hire a lawyer and claim unfair dismissal, and legal proceedings begin. We start with a mediation session between me and my lawyer, and her and the company lawyer. When it’s over — and I am shaking with rage at the lies she’s attempted to tell, and that I’ve been able to prove are lies — I go into the ladies room to take a few deep breaths and splash my face with water, etc. The next thing I know, she’s entered the bathroom, too, and stands there grinning at me. I go to push past her, when she says:)

Manager: “Do you remember [Client] file you were working on?”

(I stop. The client in question involved many complex tasks, and delicate and difficult work. I’ve actually been wondering how they’ve been getting on without me on that one, because I had been doing the majority of the difficult tasks. So, curiosity, and the dawning of a realisation that I might be about to have the opportunity for a little revenge, stops me from storming out.)

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Could you bring me up to speed? We haven’t been able to move forward since you left, and [Client] is threatening to leave. What I need is an hour of your time right now so we can go over the unfinished work. Are you free now to do that now?”

Me: “Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. But I’m not going to. It’s called karma, you psychopathic b****, and there’s a whole lot more of it coming your way.”

(With that, I marched out. The case proceeded, and I received compensation for unjustified dismissal, loss of wages, pain and suffering, etc. I heard from my old colleagues that she was moved to a different position in the company, one where she wasn’t in charge of people, and a few months later was fired for gross dishonesty. Karma got her good!)

The Name That Launched A Thousand Rebuttals

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 4, 2018

(I have just had my first child and am visiting my parent’s place. My brother’s friend and his wife are also visiting.)

Friend: “Hi, [My Name], I heard you had a baby.”

(I show my daughter to him.)

Friend: “Ooh, she’s tiny. What did you call her?”

Me: “Her name is Cassandra.”

Friend: “What sort of name is that? I hate these modern made-up names. Just because you can make up a name, it doesn’t mean you should be able to use it. You should just give her a traditional name, a name that’s been around for years.”

Me: “Three thousand years isn’t long enough for you?”

Friend: “Yeah, sure, three thousand years. How come I’ve never heard of it?”

Me: “Ever heard of the Trojan wars? Helen of Troy?”

Friend: “Of course I have, but what’s that got to do with what you named your daughter?”

Me: “Cassandra was Paris’s sister; it’s a Greek name.”

Friend: “But Paris is in France; why would it have a sister, and why would you choose a [racial slur] name?”

(I am speechless. Just then his wife comes up to us.)

Wife: “Oh, for God’s sake, [Friend], will you stop being a f****** s***head?! Cassandra is a lovely name. Sorry about that [My Name]; I’ll take my idiot of a husband home.”

Friend: “But it’s not a real name.”

Wife: *dragging him out the door and screaming at him* “WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE F*** UP?!”

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