Playing A Game Of Political Chairs

, , , , , | Romantic | October 13, 2018

(Australia’s frequent changing of Prime Ministers has become a running joke both there and in New Zealand, and they’ve just got a new one again. I’m getting ready for bed when I knock a stuffed koala off a shelf.)

Me: “Meh, I’ll just replace it. Isn’t that what the Australians do, just replace things?”

Girlfriend: “I’m going to get this for a whole month, aren’t I?”

Me: “Month? By the time that’s over, they will have gotten a new one again.”

The Kind Of Price That Will Give You The Blues

, , , | Friendly | October 12, 2018

(My manager is about to head home on a Friday afternoon and asks a passing question just before heading out the door.)

Manager: “Would any of you buy an electric bike for $2,000?”

Me: “I just bought a bicycle for a tenth of that.”

Colleague: “Yeah, but does it have Bluetooth?”

Me: “It does when my phone’s mounted to it.”

No She Does Not Want To Build A Snowman

, , , | Right | October 6, 2018

(The cafe I work at has a large kids’ playground, so we attract many difficult parents.)

Mother: “Can you please change the movie? My son doesn’t like Frozen.”

Me: “I’m sorry. There are other kids enjoying the movie so I can’t change it right now, but after this finishes I can put on a different one.”

Mother: “But my son doesn’t like it! Do you have no empathy for children?!”

Me: *sternly* “If I change the movie now, all those kids will be upset, so I’m sorry, but I’m not changing it.”

Mother: “I demand to speak to your manager! This is extremely rude of—”

Manager: *yells from out the back* “We’re not changing the f****** movie!”

(The mother snatched her child — who was quietly watching “Frozen” — out of the playground and left, muttering that she was never coming back.)

One Hour Photo Is Still One Hour

, , , | Right | October 4, 2018

(My phone beeps as I receive a client’s message.)

Client: “I JUST WANT ONE PHOTO. HOW MUCH?”

Me: “$50 for an hour’s sitting.”

Client: “FOR ONE PHOTO?!”

Me: “Well, no, I take multiple photos to ensure I get the best photos I can. Then I go home, process them, and give the photos to you.”

Client: “THAT’S TOO MUCH! I JUST WANT ONE PHOTO. HOW MUCH?”

Me: *sigh* “I can do $25?”

Client: “I JUST WANT ONE PHOTO!”

Me: *smacks head on desk*

Could You Mocha Trim That Order Down A Little?

, , , | Right | October 2, 2018

(I work in a university cafe, so we often get large takeaway orders for an office of people. One woman comes straight to the counter in a hurry while I’m just drying my hands at the sink.)

Customer: “I need one mocha trim, long black, decaf soy latte…”

(She lists about 10 or 12 coffees, ordered at triple speed. I run over to the counter at about the fourth coffee and start frantically trying to log into the till and input the coffees.)

Me: “I’m sorry, can you please slow down a little and repeat those orders?”

Customer: “I just told you what I wanted; I can’t remember them all!”

Me: “Okay… I picked up on a long black, two mochas, three lattes… What sizes and what milk were for these?”

Customer: “Well, how should I know? They’re not all for me!”

Me: “Um… Well, do you have the orders written down? We wouldn’t want anyone to miss out.”

Customer: “God! Of course I don’t! And I’m not going all the way back to the office to get the orders again! Can you just make what I already told you?!”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but I didn’t catch everything you ordered. If you could please get the order again, written down, I can give you a free coffee card for your trouble.”

(The woman rolled her eyes in a huff and snatched the free coffee card from my hand as she went to walk up one flight of stairs to the office to retake everyone’s orders. Unfortunately, this is a recurring issue and nobody ever seems to learn from the first time.)

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