Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

How Do They Have Any Employees Left?!

, , , , , | Working | July 28, 2021

The bank I work for is always attempting to cut costs and implementing strange new policies to catch people out. Every year around bonus and pay evaluation time, a slew of people are always “let go” due to infractions. We are always led to believe that the infractions are so serious that legal and the police are involved.

Rumblings are starting around our department of staff having to have meetings about their behaviour and stats while on calls. I’ve seen the best of our call center in tears as he was absolutely cut down by a team from human resources for referring to someone as “Ms.” instead of “Mrs.”

As we are a bank, security questions are essential, BUT all answers are input by human beings, and sometimes things are just wrong.

One fateful day, I am called into a meeting with three managers and two human resources people to answer for my indiscretion.

Human Resources: “On Monday [date] you had [Customer] call in, and you had to ask him the identity questions. He answered three questions correctly and the last one incorrectly, and yet you granted him access to his account details. Can you tell us why?”

Me: “Can I review the call transcript?”

This is provided to me, and I can see that the last question I asked him was to verify his email address. When entering it in person, someone had transposed two letters in the domain of the email address.

Me: “It’s an obvious spelling mistake.”

Manager: “Yes, but you can’t prove that”

Me: “Well, I can, and I did by using the notes. The previous calls all note that there was a spelling error in the email address. The branch had been notified of the issue, too, and I left my own notes and details to the branch to fix it.”

Manager: “Well, it’s not good enough. This is reason enough for us to terminate you, on top of your excessive sick leave.”

Me: “Wait, what? What excessive sick leave? And why is this being brought up in front of managers who are not my direct reports?”

The human resources people blanch and provide me with the documents… where I have one day more than my entitlement, after the head manager’s kids came in with pinkeye and gave it to 75% of the staff, including me.

Me: “This looks like a blatant attempt to get rid of me. Can I have a break for five minutes?”

Human Resources: “It won’t help you, but go ahead.”

Unfortunately for them, the union rep is on my team and is able to come back into the meeting with me in under two minutes flat. I bring the union rep up to date in front of the managers and human resources. He is getting angrier and angrier as the details are provided to him and the managers and human resources are becoming more and more concerned.

Human Resources: “Look, why don’t you two discuss this while we have a meeting for five minutes and discuss our options?”

All the managers and human resources skedaddle, and the union rep is livid. It’s the tenth meeting in a fortnight he’s been brought into. After ten minutes, only the human resources reps come back, the managers having something else to do very suddenly.

Human Resources: “Well, we’ve decided that we’ll let you stay only if you forfeit your yearly bonus for the next two to five years and attend vigorous retraining at a 25% pay decrease.”

I looked at the rep and walked out. I quit immediately. The rep was so incensed that he and the union brought action against the bank, but by that stage, I was so over it I didn’t care!

You Just Can’t Make Some People Hear You

, , , , | Working | July 28, 2021

My coworker is on the phone with a customer.

Coworker #1: “This line is really bad. Could you call me back in a moment in case it fixes it?”

They call back.

Coworker #1: “Hey, guys, the phones here are really quiet. Is there a button that will adjust the volume?”

Coworker #2: *Without looking up* “Yeah, there is one somewhere, but they are already set to max and none of the rest of us are having any issues with them.”

I look over and see that [Coworker #1] is wearing a thick, wooly hat in the office, with a thick edge where it is rolled up. Our workspace AC is dysfunctional — it always puts out cold air instead of heat on cold days like today — so the hat is totally reasonable. Except…

Me: “Maybe you could try putting the phone under your hat to your ear instead of on the outside of the thick brim of your hat?”

The edge of her hat has to be almost an inch thick of layers of wool and it’s sitting directly over her ear.

Coworker #1: “No, that wouldn’t affect it. The phones here are just really quiet.”

Your Card Is Up

, , , | Right | July 25, 2021

I work at a bus station, and a lot of the job is selling reusable bus fare cards. They’re RFID cards with a small chip at one end — roughly the same place as a credit card — and a very thin wire antenna around the edge of the card. They have a thirty-day warranty in case of faults, but this is void if the card is damaged, including being bent or having a hole punched into it (to connect to a lanyard). This is explained when the card is bought AND in paperwork you get with it. We would also offer cardholder keychains for sale to help protect the cards, but most people just keep them in their wallets.

A family comes in: a father, mother, and son, about twelve-ish. The father flicks the card onto the counter.

Father: “He needs a replacement; it’s stopped working.”

I pick up the card and don’t even need to look closely to see that it’s buckled and bent. I test it, and yes, it’s definitely broken.

Me: “Okay, I’ll just need you to fill out this form, and it’s $10 for a replacement.”

Father: “Why $10?!”

Me: “That’s how much they cost.”

Father: “He’s only had it a week!”

Me: “Okay, it’s very bent. Where has he been keeping it?”

Father: “Just in his pocket.”

This wouldn’t account for the damage, but I go with it. Honestly, it probably went through the dryer.

Me: “Okay, we do recommend keeping it in a cardholder or wallet so it won’t get damaged. This is quite badly bent, so that’s why it’s not working.”

Father: “He’s a kid; he doesn’t have a wallet!”

Me: “We do have cardholders for $2, sir.”

Father: “So we have to pay for that and a faulty card? That’s pretty bad service! Is the next card going to be faulty, too?”

Me: “If the next card is faulty, we have a thirty-day warranty and will issue a new one for free, so long as it’s not damaged. However, this card has been damaged, so you will need to pay for the replacement.”

Father: “We weren’t told that.”

Me: “You would have been told when you bought the card, and it’s in the terms and conditions that you signed.”

Father: “Well, nobody reads those!”

As much as I know that’s true, that’s not our fault. I don’t have much else I can say at this point, so I just give him a neutral look.

Father: “Well, that’s ridiculous!”

Me: *In the flattest, most expressionless voice I can muster* “I don’t make the rules, sir.”

He just stares, somewhat taken aback. Behind him, his wife snorts and, giggling, pokes him in the shoulder. When he looks at her, she’s giving him the most “I’m so sick of your bollocks” look I’ve ever seen.

Mother: “Just pay her, [Father]!”

And Thus The Squeegee Man From “RENT” Was Born

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: hayskee | June 11, 2021

I am at the gas station washing my car window. The local station has a uniform — a green-collared shirt with the logo and black pants — neither of which am I wearing.

Lady: *To me* “I’m next!”

I think she is talking about using the brush next, so I smiled.

Me: “Okay!”

I put the brush back in its bucket and start to walk toward the station.

Lady: “Excuse me, I said I’m next!

I turn around and glance at her, think, “Whatever,” and go inside. I pay for my gas and go to the ATM at the back of the store. As I am leaving:

Cashier: “We’ve just had a complaint about you.”

Me: “Yeah?”

Cashier: “That lady said you didn’t wash her windscreen and wants to speak to the manager; she’s coming back tomorrow.”

I just giggled and left. I’ll be going back again tomorrow to see if I can catch her.

Like Banging Your Head Against A Wooden Pallet

, , , | Working | May 27, 2021

Me: “Could you tell me to find wooden pellets?”

Worker: “In the timber section.”

Me: “Really?”

Worker: “How many do you want?”

Me: “A bag.”

Worker: “A… bag?”

Me: “Yeah, a bag of wood pellets. About this big.”

The worker just gives me a blank look.

Me: “They’re like… pellets… of wood. This big.”

It’s clearly not computing for the worker. Then, it dawns on me.

Me: “Oh… You think I mean wood pallets. No, I want wood pellets. In a bag.”

They’re pronounced exactly the same way in New Zealand. The worker is clearly still confused. I see a random customer.

Me: “Can you help? She thinks I want a wood pallet, but I want wood pellets.”

Random Customer: “Oh, yeah, they’re over in the section down there.”

The worker is still confused.

Me: “Look, totally a genuine mistake to make. I mean, they’re called the exact same thing. Thanks!”

I think that worker is still confused about what the h*** I was on about.