Kick Them While They’re Down

, , , , | Related | April 7, 2018

(My mum is telling off my younger brother — seven or eight years old — for annoying me, which he takes great delight in. He especially enjoys testing me until he finds my breaking point, before pushing past it and seeing how far he can get before I explode. Severe annoyance can end up with him being tussled/wrestled; we rarely hit each other, but sometimes I will give a light bump on his backside with the side of my foot — more of a tap than anything else — that results in him scuttling out of reach, giggling maniacally.)

Mum: “Why are you teasing your brother? Leave him alone!”

Brother: “I get a kick out of it!”

Mum: “[Brother]!”

Brother: “Yeah, I tease him and he gives me a kick!”

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Their Attitude Is Totally Bus-ted

, , | Working | April 6, 2018

(I am catching a bus to my aunt’s house. This route is a loop, and buses go in both directions around the loop. This means that even though they are the same route, one takes 20 minutes to get to where I’m going and the other takes an hour and a half. I can’t remember which is which, as I don’t use the bus there often.)

Me: “Hello, does this bus go up [Street #1] or [Street #2]?”

Driver: “[Street #1].”

Me: “Okay, thanks.”

(I pay and take my ticket, but before I can sit down:)

Driver: *as if he had never said anything* “I go up [Street #2] and down [Street #1].”

Me: “Oh… Well… I already paid. Can I get a refund?”

Driver: “No.”

Me: “Um… Well, I don’t have any more cash for my fare on the correct bus. Can you radio them and tell them I paid?”

(This is common in my town for minor stuff like this; most bus drivers will happily help.)

Driver: *very angrily* “No! Sit down or get off; you’re holding me up!”

(Stunned at his sudden aggressive attitude, I turn around and go to get off the bus.)

Driver: *shouting after me* “Learn where you’re going!”

Me: *I have had enough at this point and have had a second to gather my thoughts, so I shout back* “Learn your f****** job!”

(I called up to complain. When I did, I told them I swore at him, for the sake of full disclosure. The woman said, “Well, I can see here that this isn’t the first incident with that driver, so that’s probably fair enough!” She apologised sincerely and arranged for the next bus to let me on for free, through the same radio system the rude driver could have used.)

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To Bark, Or Not To Bark

, , , | Related | April 5, 2018

(Our miniature poodle is a friendly, happy dog. During the morning we let him out into a fenced area. Usually he sticks to routine. One morning, he decides he doesn’t feel like going out, despite it being a lovely, sunny day. He steps outside the house, takes a glance around, and sits down.)

Me: “[Dog], come on! Here we go!”

(He takes a long look at me.)

Me: “Come on! Come here!”

(He takes another long look, and surveys the scene once more, and lays down.)

Me: “[Dog]! Come here, now. Come on.”

(He flops over on his side.)

Me: “[DOG]! Come! Now!”

(He begins to push pathetically with his paws, as if trying to walk while laying flat on his side. There is a lot of theatricality in his movements, as if the sheer effort is killing him. Now laughing, I step back to him, pick him up, carry him inside the pen, and put him down.)

Me: “There you go, you ridiculous dog.”

(He immediately began walking around as normal, checking out this and that, and I stayed for a few moments to make sure there wasn’t actually anything wrong with him. There wasn’t. He decided the ruse hadn’t paid off, so he might as well get on with life. I was impressed with our little thespian, though; he put his heart and soul into that performance.)

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Going To Break Something Else In A Minute…

, , , | Romantic | March 29, 2018

(My wife and I are together after she’s spent the day with her close friend. Suddenly, her voice becomes sad.)

Wife: “Babe… Ugh… I stood on [Friend]’s scale today.”

(I mistake the sadness in her voice and think something bad must have happened to occasion this sadness. Desperately thinking what it might be, I latch onto the phrase “stood on” and take it to mean “accidentally stepped on.”)

Me: “Oh, did you break it?”

(She was speechless, and I came to the horrifying realization of what I’d just said. Cue several minutes of her laughing her head off while I desperately apologized repeatedly.)

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Taxing Faxing, Part 23

, , | Right | March 17, 2018

(Our company doesn’t have a fax machine anymore. Instead, any faxes that people send to our line come through as email attachments. Unfortunately, the sender doesn’t get anything saying that we have received their fax. Usually, this isn’t a problem, but sometimes things go wrong, and we just don’t get the fax. Generally, when this happens, they call us to check, and we tell them to either resend, or scan and email, which is a bit more reliable.)

Me: “[Company], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I sent you a fax on the 28th, and it still hasn’t been actioned!”

Me: “Oh, gosh. I’m so sorry! I will double-check and see where that request is for you, right away!”

Caller: “You do that! I sent it at [time] on the 28th!”

Me: *looking through our inbox* “I’m really sorry, but we haven’t received anything from you since [date well before the 28th].”

Caller: “But I sent it!”

Me: “Okay, let me just check one more place; it might have been misfiled.” *checks, nothing there* “No, sorry. It doesn’t look like anything came through. I do apologise, but we just didn’t receive it.”

Caller: “But I sent it!”

Me: “Again, I am sorry, but since we didn’t receive it, we didn’t action it. If you resend it to us now, I can make sure we do it for you immediately.”

Caller: “But I sent it!”

Me: “I realise that, but unfortunately, our system never received it.”

Caller: “BUT I SENT IT!”

(I had no idea what else I could say, at least not without getting fired. I just kept on apologising, and lost another ten minutes of my life with her saying, “BUT I SENT IT!” in reply to everything I said. She did eventually get off the phone, and we ended up getting multiple copies of her next request, with the note, “I SENT IT!” attached as a cover letter.)

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 22
Taxing Faxing, Part 2017
Taxing Faxing, Part 21
Taxing Faxing, Part 20

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