I have an immune system the equivalent of dunking a teabag in a bath and pretending it’s the same as in a teacup. It’s a mess with my medication, but that’s what keeps me alive. You can imagine, a global health crisis has not been a fun time for me. I’ve been super careful and lost out on two years of my “best years” of life.

Local rules have eased up the lockdown and the holidays are coming. I’ve tried my best to order online and avoid… humans… but I have one package I need to collect in person at a mall. The store is near the entrance, so I decide to chance plague central. I live life on the edge. 

Most people are over the lockdown and all over the place. Luckily, I’m shopping in a store that’s quite quiet when I go in. I timed super early to avoid people. It’s practically empty, so I take my first chance in months to actually look at the merchandise in a store. So many shinies I pick up to buy.

There is one woman nearby, though. I think she is just interested in the specific merch like me… but as I get my new purchases and pull my personal hand gel from my handbag, I hear a voice right next to my ear at the counter.

Woman: “Oh, that smells amazing! Where did you get it?”

I jump out of my skin!

Me: “I ordered it from [Store]. Back off from my shoulder!”

She looks like I just threw her prized kitten into a pack of rabid wolves.

Woman: “I was only asking. I have a son with the same taste! I thought I might be able to ask…”

Me: “Back up first!”

Woman: “You are the rudest young woman I’ve ever met! I’m so at risk being out in the open like this.”

And then, with her mask at half-mast under her nose, she flounced away with the grace of a distressed jellyfish. 

Luckily, I did not catch the yuckies from her.

I’m a school bus driver. An adorable little girl gets onto the bus and spits out coins into her hand, before offering them to me.

Little Girl: *Helpfully* “I had my bus fare in my mouth!”

Me: “Yes, you did! Ew! Please put them in the fare tray.”

Most people don’t realise that it is difficult to get snow in some places. Wellington, New Zealand, is one of those places. The low altitude and the salt from having ocean around three sides mean that snow is basically unheard of… until 2011.

A strange weather pattern led to three days of white stuff even at levels less than five meters above sea level. It was gorgeous and amazing. We all muddled about our businesses and got on with everything, with some things being a little more slippery than others.

Not the criminals, however.

During this three-day powdering, when you might experience the joy of watching your footprints stay in the new snow coat, two clever people decided they were going to rob a dairy.

Then, they walked straight home.

In the snow.

They were shocked when they were caught less than an hour afterward. Somehow, the police had managed to track them down. They got hauled away.

Oh, and the riches they had taken from the small store? Ice cream. Just in case the story wasn’t cool enough.

I am a manager at a sub shop chain. We were serving a customer who just started ordering when another customer came in and interrupted to ask what the sub of the day was. This got my hackles up because he was rude about it.

I then looked up and noticed a car parked in the mobility parking space directly in front of our big glass doors. I asked the interruption customer:

Me: “Is that your car, sir?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you have a mobility parking permit?”

Customer: “No, I broke my back, and I can’t walk that far.”

Me: “You need a permit to be allowed to park there.”

Customer: “I’m still waiting for it to come.”

Me: “It’s illegal to park in there unless you have a permit. You need to move your car.”

Customer: “I’ll just get my food and then I’ll move it. It’s only going to be a couple of minutes.”

Me: “No, you need to move your car now.”

The man then planted his feet and dropped his shoulders almost like a three-year-old who is not going to do what you asked.

It sucks, but we can’t actually do much to make people move from those parking places other than ask them to move. The tow truck would take too long; they would already be gone by the time the tow truck got here.

I decided to say the only thing I could in this situation. I did a lot of theater in high school so I know how to project my voice without yelling.

Me: “Sir, we will not be serving you unless you move your car.”

He spun around (like only someone who has an intact back could do) and stomped out like a big man child, threw himself into his car, and sped off like someone was chasing him.

I work in a department store. We had a regular customer; it was common for her to ring and make the staff find specific items from photos in the current catalogue. She called us the other day to have a Christmas tree and ornaments delivered.

Regular: “I would like to order [Christmas tree], and I’d also like to order all the ornaments and decorations from the promo photo in the catalogue. It has to match!”

Later, she called us again.

Regular: “I’ve put the tree and all the decorations up in my home but they’re not right! I need you to send someone to take it all down for me, and I want a full refund!”

Because she really was a regular, the store manager eventually agreed that one of our contractors would pick up the items, provided she could repackage them in suitable condition for refund. What was brought back to the store was everything thrown into the delivery boxes together, without any of the packaging.

She still phoned in catalogue orders in the following years.