Drilling That Fact Into Them

, , , , | Working | March 21, 2018

(I go to a major hardware store chain to buy a mechanism to lock my window in place when it’s open. While wandering the aisles, I’m approached by a male employee. I’m female.)

Employee: “Hi, is there anything I can help you with?”

Me: “Yeah, I need to buy the mechanism that will lock my window in place when it’s open. My window is on the fire escape and I heard those mechanisms are good for safety.”

Employee: “I know what you’re talking about. Here. I’ll show you where to find it.”

(He takes me to the aisle where they are sold and helps me select the right one.)

Employee: “You will need a drill to install this. Do you know someone who owns a drill?”

Me: “I own a drill.”

(Awkward silence from the employee.)

Employee: “Sorry about that.”

Me: “Nope, no problem. Thanks for helping me find this!”

(Not only do I own a drill set, but I happen to love installing things around my apartment!)

Putting The Poo Into Pool

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(I am a front desk employee at [Hotel]. We have just closed down the pool for cleaning, because some kid defecated in it. A lady comes up, dragging her kid behind her.)

Customer: “Where is the pool? I had it booked for noon to one.”

Me: “The pool is closed, ma’am. We have to clean it.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to swim!”

Me: “I am sorry, but we cannot let anyone in the pool right now.”

Customer: “But it is empty! You must have cleared them out so I can swim!”

Me: “No, ma’am, no one is allowed in right now.”

Customer: “I know! Why do you think I s*** in it in the first place?”

(Security eventually had to escort the lady out, and she is now banned from all [Hotel] properties.)

Okay, Then I Hope Your Day Is Miserable

, , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(I work at a movie theater. I typically say either, “Enjoy the show,” or, “Have a great day,” after helping every customer. There’s no rhyme or reason as to which I say, just whatever comes out.)

Me: “Your total is $14.”

Customer: “Here you go.”

(I complete the transaction and hand him his change.)

Me: “Here’s your change. Have a great day!”

Customer: *suddenly furious* “No, I won’t have a great day! I’ll ‘enjoy the show,’ a**hole!”

(The customer storms off.)

Coworker: “What the hell was that about?”

Me: “Just another happy customer.”

When You’re Acting Like A Boss

, , , , | Working | March 15, 2018

(I have been working at this very small, family-owned store for a year now, and it’s time for my review. Because our only manager quit several months ago, I have personally taken on many of her old responsibilities just to keep the store afloat. The owner hasn’t seemed to notice and, in fact, has been treating me fairly poorly. I assume this is due to stress. But he’s refused to promote any of his employees to manager roles or to hire a new manager. He claims he is now the new manager, despite losing his temper any time I attempt to pass him management duties that aren’t actually part of my job description or pay grade. We finally sit down for my interview, and I am hoping for a good review so I can ask for a raise based on my increased responsibilities.)

Owner: “Okay. Well, I like to keep this process very formal, just so you know, for paperwork reasons and clarity. I rate everything on a scale of one to five, one being grounds for termination and five being excellent. Don’t worry about the grade, though, if you don’t get a five. Nobody gets a five. Two to three is pretty average; it means you’re doing okay, but there’s room for improvement.”

Me: “Uh… Okay. This seems a bit formal for our usually informal systems.”

Owner: “Well, this is important, and I like to keep it very orderly so there are no questions later, and for the paper trail.”

Me: *wondering if he’s about to fire me now* “Uh… Sure.”

Owner: “Here is my list of the various areas of the job and your mark. You’ll see you’re a two to three on everything.”

Me: “Oh.”

Owner: “Do you have any questions?”

Me: “Well… I guess I don’t understand why I am not doing well in the store. I did not expect to rate this way.”

Owner: “Well, two to three is actually very good. A four would be management, and nobody who works for me is management. And five, nobody gets.”

Me: “Nobody?”

Owner: “Well, if you get a five, then I might consider making you partner.” *laughs* “It’s the top ranking!”

Me: “Uh, okay. Well, can you give me specifics on what I can do to improve my… rating? The things you’ve listed here seem very minor. I feel as if I’ve taken on most of the managerial responsibilities since [Old Manager] left, and I’m surprised you feel I am not up to the task.”

Owner: “Oh, really? Huh. Like what?”

Me: *lists duties*

Owner: “Really. Well, I’ll do those from now on; don’t worry.”

Me: “You know, I don’t mind doing them, but I was kind of hoping for a raise.”

Owner: “No, no, it’s okay. That’s my responsibility now, as the store’s manager. Anyway, the stores aren’t doing very well, anymore. We’re pretty down from the last month. I have to figure out a way to fix it. I’m sorry; I just can’t give out any raises right now.”

Me: “I see.”

Owner: “Any other questions about these sheets?”

Me: “I guess not.”

Owner: “Great. Thanks for meeting me so late! I wanted to get this done before we head off to Italy tomorrow for a few weeks. I left you a task list. If you could make sure to delegate the duties to everyone else tomorrow when you come in, that’d be great. Have a good night. See you when I get back!”

(Then, he actually left for Italy for three weeks. Guess who ran the store?)

A Not-So-Sweet Ending

, , , , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(I work as a rideshare driver. I provide water and candy for my passengers, and I have a small sign saying, “Please take no more than one item per rider.” I’ve just picked up a woman with her kids. She has just been shopping and has a few clear bags with her.)

Child: “Mom, look! Can I have a piece of candy?”

Mother: “Yes, but see what it says here? You can only have one piece each. Make sure to say, ‘Thank you!’”

(I smiled to myself, happy that the mother was teaching her kids to be polite. When I dropped them off and they were walking away, I noticed that one of the woman’s bags was full of the same type of candy I had put out. I checked my pouch to find that the woman had cleared out every piece of candy that I had.)

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