They’re Not In The Same Boat

, , , , , | Friendly | June 9, 2017

(I am a kid. Our neighbors tell us about a nice dinner cruise they took on New Year’s and we all decide to go together. We get to the boat.)

Neighbor: “Hello, we’re here for the dinner cruise.”

Worker: *eyes the kids* “Umm, this is an adult cruise.”

Neighbor: *smiling* “What? We did this cruise during New Year’s.”

Worker: *clears throat* “Umm, yeah, we only do the kid-friendly cruises during the holidays.”

Neighbor: “How is the cruise not kid-friendly?”

Worker: “Umm…”

(At that moment, I look through the window of the boat and see a stripper pole. I tell my fellow neighbor’s children.)

Neighbor’s Child: *leans over to her mom and whispers in her ear*

Neighbor: *eyes go wide* “Oh!”

(We ended up going home and ordering pizza!)

Making A Display Of Themselves

, , , , | Working | June 7, 2017

(My manager tells me she needs a display made with a certain item of stock.)

Manager: *holding up Stock Item #1* “I think this will look good. You can bunch up the front like this.” *demonstrates with her hands* “Oh, and you will need to get [Stock Item #2] to go under it. I’m so glad that corporate is finally giving up on their strict ruling about these things. It doesn’t matter how we do them now.”

(I start setting the display, using the exact item she had and bunching it up the way she told me. Several people comment how good it looks.)

Manager: *coming back* “[My Name], what are you doing? That’s not the way it’s supposed to be done. You aren’t even using the right item. It’s supposed to be done only with [Stock Item #3] that corporate has specified, and it’s not supposed to be bunched up like that. It’s supposed to be tight. Haven’t you done this before? Where’s the paperwork I gave you to follow? You are supposed to be following only the rules laid out by corporate.”

Me: “You didn’t give me any paperwork and I used what you told me to use. Also, I haven’t done it for a long time especially since the new rules came in, which you told me didn’t matter anymore.”

Manager: “Well, they do matter; I’m not going to get in trouble just because you don’t want to follow the rules.”

(This happened quite often.)

The Network Is Working

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2017

(A user calls because he isn’t able to login.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I checked your account and unfortunately your account was disabled. You will need to contact your manager, [Name], and ask him to send a re-enabling request.”

Caller: “Oh. Can’t you just reset my password? I really just need to check few things really quickly.”

Me: “That is not the problem. Your account is disabled. I cannot do anything. Your manager has to send the request.”

Caller: “But I just need this few things and I do not have the number.”

Me: “No problem; I may send email to your manager or call him if you want. I recognize his name; he does this all the time.”

Caller: “But I’m not in the company anymore. He wouldn’t do it.”

Me: “Oh. Do you see the message saying this system is only for employees?”

Caller: “So? I was an employee.”

Me: “But you aren’t anymore. I cannot let you in.”

Caller: “Can you find the information I need?”

Me: “Well… I’m not supposed to do it but okay. What do you need?”

Caller: “I need phone numbers and emails for everyone in [Department].”

Me: “I see. Sorry, I cannot provide this. But you know what? I will send email to your former manager and ask him. Maybe he will send it to you.”

Caller: “No, he wouldn’t. Just let me in for few minutes or I will make sure you will be fired.”

Me: “For doing my job? Okay, have fun with it.”

Caller: *click*

Banded Together To Get Their Answers

, , , , | Learning | June 2, 2017

(Due to a scheduling mishap, a required math class conflicts with several other classes. The math class is split into two sections and I am assigned to TA the new section.)

Professor: *reading off a test* “—so we can see on question four, I asked you to describe what’s wrong with the analysis—”

(A student raises her hand.)

Professor: “—in which we have three populations of mice, and we’re trying to see how much they weigh—”

(The student starts wave her hand.)

Professor: “—but half our mice are—”

Me: “Uh, professor, you have a question.”

Professor: “Oh! Sorry, sorry. In the future, if I don’t see you, don’t be afraid to call out and let me know!”

(He answers her question and goes on.)

Professor: “—but it seems like most of you missed part two—”

Student #2: *hand raised* “Professor…”

Professor: “—but I think that’s because the wording wasn’t clear in—”

Student #2: “Professor!”

Me: “You’ve got another question.”

Professor: “Ah! Sorry. I’m half-deaf; you may have to make some noise. Yell. Blow a whistle. Don’t be shy!”

(The next class, the TA’s can all tell that something’s off. The students are fidgeting and far too focused for a math lecture. But they’re paying attention, so we don’t complain.)

Professor: “—but of course this won’t work if they’re all the same height. Now if we have two populations.”

(A student raises his hand.)

Teacher’s Assistant #2: “Oh, s***.”

Student: *quietly* “Professor?”

Me: “What?”

Teacher’s Assistant #2: “One of the classes that conflicted with the old lecture time was band practice.”

Professor: *still oblivious* “If the populations are—”

(At this point, “When the Saints Come Marching In” roars out of the back of the classroom as half the marching band stands up. The professor happily waves his pen to conduct them and claps when they’re done. However, he did institute a rule that future questions cannot be preceded by more than three instruments or more than one second of music.)

They’ll Be Back, Mark Your Calendar

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2017

(I’m working as a cashier after the holidays and a woman with three young kids and a basket full of stuff comes up to me to check out.)

Customer: “Um, excuse me, but I would just like to mention that this will be the last time I will ever come into your store. I have been treated terribly by the staff here and considering I’m spending a lot of my hard-earned money here today I find that unacceptable.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, but that’s of course entirely up to you.” *I start to ring her out*

Customer: “It’s the stupidest thing… I ordered a calendar here six weeks ago and never received a call that it came in. Now today when I came to pick it up it isn’t here!”

Me: “Well, we don’t hold onto orders for more than two weeks for customers that haven’t pre-paid, unfortunately.”

Customer: “I know THAT, but I also would’ve known if it was in if someone had bothered to call me! The person who I asked even had the nerve to check that the phone number on my account was correct, as if I would ever give you clowns false information!”

Me: “I’m sorry you weren’t able to get it. I understand the inconvenience.”

Customer: “And then that jerk wouldn’t even check in the system to see if my calendar had been shelved and was still available in the store! She went and helped someone else. How dare she brush me off like that!”

Me: “Well, since it’s already into the new year and most of our holiday stock is gone, we no longer have any calendars in the store.”

Customer: “But she wouldn’t even CHECK!”

Me: “I get that you’re frustrated.”

Customer: “I think I’d better receive a discount!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I deserve to at least not have to pay so much after the way I was treated.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m unable to authorize any sort of discount.”

Customer: “Ugh, I knew you’d say that. Well, how about on these?”

(She waves a bunch of colored pencils she’s buying in my face.)

Customer: “At least discount these; the tips are all broken off of these.”

Me: “Erm… okay. I’ll discount them 10% on account of them being damaged.”

Customer: “Only 10%? Wait, that only covers the tax on these!”

Me: “Well, seeing as how they can be sharpened and repaired all I can really do is the 10%.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. Just finish ringing me up; I’m so done with this terrible place.”

(She ended up paying with three gift cards and only ended up spending about $10 of her “hard-earned” money. I never found out which coworker had treated her with such contempt, but I did try to learn who it was so I could hug them.)

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