One Order Of Surprise Cheese

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2018

When dining at a particular fast food restaurant, my late mother would always order a “cheeseburger with nothing on it but mayo and pickles”…  and then be surprised when it came with cheese.

We tried our best to convince her that she should ask for a “hamburger” not a cheeseburger, to no avail. After multiple confused exchanges at the counter, she finally took to ordering it as “a cheeseburger, no cheese, nothing on it but mayo and pickles.” Surprisingly, this worked.

Checked Out Before They Checked In

, , , | Right | October 19, 2018

(I work as a graveyard shift receptionist in a small hotel. Our hotel also has some rooms that feature a jacuzzi. This happens in winter, in which most days are quiet, but occasionally, on special days, we will have all the rooms sold out. It is Valentine’s Day and all of the rooms were occupied before my shift started. Most couples just leave when I tell them we do not have a room, while some scream at me before leaving. Then came this couple.)

Male Customer: “I need one room, with a jacuzzi.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we are all sold out for today.”

(He pauses and pulls out his phone, then resumes.)

Male Customer: “We have a reservation!”

(All the customers with reservations are checked in, so it is impossible for him to have a reservation today. I ask him for ID to check in our system in case there is a system error; I will  need to call the website if such an error exists. It turns out his reservation was made one minute ago, and the check-in time is clearly stated there: the same day, but 12 hours later. Again I work on the graveyard shift and it is midnight.)

Me: “Sir, your check in time for the reservation is 12 hours from now. It is clearly written on the website where you reserved the room.”

(He checks his phone again.)

Male Customer: “But I need one room.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. It is Valentine’s Day and all the rooms are sold.”

Male Customer: “How much?”

(I tell him the price and repeat that all the rooms are sold.)

Male Customer: “But I need one room!”

(He pulls money out and starts to push it at me.)

Me: “Sir, we have no rooms available. All the rooms are occupied.”

(I push the money back but he pushes back with more money. This pushing game goes on for minutes. I keep telling him in many different ways that we have no rooms, in case he does not know English very well, but they both understand English.)

Male Customer: “You can have all of this! Just give me a room!”

(Suddenly I realize that he thinks I am lying for tips. We have a very strict policy against this. I show him our shelf with all the registration cards to prove that I am not lying and all rooms are occupied. Then the silent female customer joins in for the game.)

Female Customer: “Can you tell somebody to get out and give us the room? We will pay you a large tip.”

Me: “Sorry, miss, I cannot do that. They are our customers.”

Male Customer: “But I want a room with a jacuzzi! Get me the room now!”

Female Customer: “We are customers, too. Now, what are you going to do?”

Me: “Again, I am sorry. We do not have any rooms available right now. Your check in time is 12 hours from now. I can inform my coworkers to allow you check in a few hours earlier, if we have rooms at that time. You are free to call us to check.”

(I hand them our business card, but they do not even look at it.)

Female Customer: “We can check in earlier? GREAT! I will do it. I want to check in now.”

(I start running out of patience, but I still remain as polite as possible. Suddenly, the male customer starts yelling.)

Male Customer: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

(Since I am the only person in the office now, I tell them that I am the manager.)

Male Customer: “THEN GIVE ME A ROOM!”

Me: “Sir, we do not have a room at this moment, and please keep your voice down; people are sleeping.”


(My boss has instructed me to never get him for the customer, nor give out his information. I tell him my boss is not here.)

Female Customer: “CALL HIM!”

(I am tired and I do not know what else I can do to get them to understand the situation. I call my boss. Luckily, he rarely sleeps on my shift.)

Boss: *on the phone* “Kick them out, now.”

Me: “I am sorry. My boss wants you to leave now.”

Male Customer: “Fine…”

(Just as I thought it is finally over, they backed off to the corner of the lobby and started kissing and cuddling. After many requests to leave and then threatening to call to the police, they finally left.)

Some Strange Lab Conditions

, , , , , , | Learning | October 19, 2018

(I teach a biology lab on Friday afternoons. One student is absent, and that evening I receive an email.)

Student: “Hi, professor. I could not come to lab today. I’m wondering, am I able to do the lab without coming to lab? Since I did not come to lab, can I still get 100% for the lab?”

Me: “Hi, [Student]. Unfortunately, you do need to come to lab to do the lab, since we’re using equipment you can’t take out of the lab, and hazardous materials that aren’t safe to use outside of the lab. You can only get full credit if you actually do the lab.”

(On Tuesday I see the student in class.)

Student: “Hi, professor. I emailed you last week.”

Me: “Yes…”

Student: “Yeah, my email made no sense. I had a fever; I don’t even know what I said. What I wanted to ask was, can I make up the lab another time?”

Me: “Oh, that makes so much more sense.”

(We scheduled a make-up lab and had a good laugh.)

Unfiltered Story #123701

, , | Unfiltered | October 19, 2018

I work with support tickets for game servers. We get a flow of children as customers, so sometimes, things can get hectic.

Client: My server won’t work. I need these plugins configured.

For plugins to be configured, the customer needs to purchase ‘Premium Support’.

Me: I’d be happy to help you with that. Please understand that it would normally cost you premium support, but I’m in such a good mood today, I’ll do it for free. (It was relatively minor, so I did it for her)

Client: Okay, now do this plugin. (Didn’t even thank me)

Me: Of course, but as I already gave you some free premium support, you’ll have to purchase premium support if you want me to continue.

Client: Why?

Me: It’s company policy, [Client’s name]. I’m terribly sorry for this inconvenience. I can set up an invoice for you right now.

Client: No.

Me: All right, I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything else you needed?

Client: Yes. The plugin. I need it configured.

I explain again that she needs Premium Support for this.

Client: Can you give it to me for free?

I read this over a few times in utter disbelief.

Me: I’m sorry, no, I can’t. We can’t give out paid services for free.

Client: Why not?

Me: Businesses like us need money from clients to survive. We can’t just give things out for free.

Client: I want to talk to someone else.

She passed through over five different people, including two managers, before she finally agreed to being billed for Premium Support. Her ticket lasted almost an entire month.

To Undoodle A Poodle

, , , , , | Right | October 18, 2018

(A woman brings in her dog to get groomed. The dog is a Goldendoodle, a cross between a Golden Retriever and a Poodle.)

Me: “So, what would you like to do for her haircut today?”

Customer: “I don’t want her to look too much like a Poodle.”

Me: “Well, your dog is half Poodle, but I’ll see what we can do.”

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