Seriously Funny

, , , , | | Related | July 2, 2019

(A woman and her young daughter are looking at an advertisement for ebooks. The girl looks about nine years old.)

Daughter: “Oh, look, mom! They have Life of Pi!

Mother: “What’s that?”

Daughter: “It’s a movie. They have a book version of it now!”

Mother: “Oh, okay.”

Daughter: “Yeah, I liked it. It was really funny. But serious, too! But funny. But serious.”

The China Syndrome

, , , , , , | | Right | July 2, 2019

(I work at a paint and sip bar. On Mondays and Tuesdays, I watch over the shop to answer phones, clean up, etc. I am not the owner but they trust me enough to be alone on these days, so I don’t have a set lunch break. Since they don’t take a lunch break out of my pay I usually eat at the desk and answer emails at the same time. I also sit there in case anyone comes in to ask a question. Most of the time when this happens they ask really quickly, notice my lunch, and then just take a pamphlet and leave me alone which is really nice. This happens when I am waiting for my lunch to cool off after just reheating it. Note, it is in a Tupperware container, not a take-out container.)

Customer: *as they are coming in the door* “What is it that you all do here exactly?”

Me: “Well, it’s a paint and sip bar, so we do public classes and private parties where people follow along step by step with an instructor, and there is a bar with wine and beer over there in the back.”

Customer: *eyeing my still-steaming lunch* “Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. Your lunch smells good. What Chinese place did you get that from?”

Me: “Oh, I made it last night; it’s leftovers from dinner.”

Customer: “You can’t just make Chinese food. You aren’t Chinese; you wouldn’t know how. You don’t have to tell me, but maybe I won’t come to your classes since you obviously aren’t helpful.” *leaves with a pamphlet still in hand*

Me: *to myself* “What? Okay.”

Your Prices Are Tequilling Me

, , , , | | Right | June 30, 2019

(I work part-time at a small wine shop that also sells a selection of spirits. We get all sorts of customers, from those who just want a cheap bottle to go with dinner to those who want to get a bit spendier.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for tequila, I think…”

Me: “Okay, well, here’s our tequila wall right over here. We have a great selection.”

Customer: *spots a bottle on a high shelf* “What’s the price on that?”

Me: “$140.”

Customer: “I’ve seen it elsewhere in the city for half that.”

Me: *not sure what her point is* “Okay.”

Customer: “I’ll give you $100 for it.”

Me: *laughs unsure if she’s kidding* “Um… yeah, we don’t… haggle here. The price is set by my boss.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(She left without buying anything.)

Unfiltered Story #155590

, , , | | Unfiltered | June 30, 2019

(I am working into my 15th month in the flagship store for a well-known department store with the slogan “America’s Store”. I work Housekeeping, and am assigned to one half a floor since the store is comprised of two connected buildings. My shift is incredibly uneventful aside from special events and holidays. Well, the following happened today as I started my shift.)

Housekeeper: Housekeeping!

Me: *Walks over and sees that almost all the glass shelves of a Back To School display are broken, so I help him and an associate sweep up the broken glass* What happened here?

Floor Manager: *She is making sure no one is getting in our way* little kid was running around and bumped into the display.

Me: Oh geez! *Thinking “Wow! Hope the kid is okay!”*

Housekeeper: It’s close to the holidays, man, it’s going to happen.

Me: *Chuckles a little* I honestly expected this to happen before my year mark here.

(I helped get as much of the glass off the floor as possible and went back to my normal routine. A little bit later, I heard it was a little girl and that she was okay. I was so relieved! I do wish parents would keep better watch over their children so we can avoid something like this from happening again. She could have gotten seriously hurt!)

I’m The Only Person That Ever Takes Photos Ever

, , , | | Right | June 28, 2019

(Our company is renowned for its printing services, which includes everything from old-fashioned film development for individuals to wrapping buildings for major corporations. Our retail department — the “walk-in” part of the store — sees roughly 100 customers a day. And yet, this happens quite frequently. A customer approaches the counter.)

Me: “Hi there! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m picking up my order.”

Me: “Okay, great, do you have your reference number?”

Customer: “It’s three 4×6 prints and a roll of film.”

Me: “Okay, great! Do you have your reference number?”

Customer: “They’re pictures of two men, fishing.”

Me: “Okay, let’s start with your name.”

Customer: “I brought them in two days ago. Three 4×6 photos. Glossy?”

Me: “Sir… we have over 400 orders back there in filing. They’re not sorted by size or image; they’re sorted by number. So… let’s start with your name and I will look up your number, please?”

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