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Good Luck Planting THAT Refund

, , , , , | Right | March 10, 2022

I work customer calls for a retail company that has both physical and online shopping.

One day, I get a call from a lady who explains to me that she ordered a rabbit planter online that is “bad quality,” and she would like us to replace it.

Me: “I can help with that. May I have the order number?”

Customer: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. What email was it ordered under?”

Customer: “[Email #1]. You know, this planter was shown outside in photos online. I would have expected it to hold up better!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that! Hmm, I don’t see anything under that email. Is there a different one we can try?”

Customer: “Maybe [email #2]? Honestly, you people are ripping customers off with this shoddy craftsmanship.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t see that one, either. What was the shipping address?”

We go through a few more points, with her ripping on the planter between every comment. I finally find her account, and something on it makes me pause.

Me: “I’ve found your order. I’m sorry, ma’am, but what did you say was wrong with the planter?”

Customer: “The paint is chipping off it! It’s advertised as being for outdoors, but it’s chipped!”

Me: “I see. I’m sorry, ma’am, but it looks like you ordered this planter in 2018; it is three years old at this point.”

Customer: “So, can you send me a replacement?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our window for returns and replacements is sixty days.”

Customer: “So, are you saying you can’t do anything for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll have you know you’ve just lost a customer!”

And she hung up. To be honest, I don’t think losing a customer whose last order was three years ago is going to be much of a concern.


This story is part of our crazy-online-shoppers roundup!

Read the next crazy-online-shoppers roundup story!

Read the crazy-online-shoppers roundup!

Next Time Try “Off” Brand

, , , , , , , | Working | March 8, 2022

Mosquitos have been in high numbers in our area this year so, as such, we have been going through a lot of bug spray — in this case, specifically the bug spray brand named “Off!”

A coworker and I are going through our order that was just unloaded. He turns to me holding up a case of said bug spray.

Coworker: “Hey, look what we finally got in.”

Without even thinking, the words that escaped my mouth are:

Me: “Oh, great! We’ve been having trouble getting Off!”

When They Want Everything Including The Kitchen Sink

, , , | Right | March 3, 2022

I’m heading out from the main library space to the front office to give something to my director. The front hallway has a few doors: the front office, a community event room, two public restrooms, and tucked off around a corner, the staff kitchen.

I see a regular (and sometimes problematic) patron pass the restrooms and walk into the staff kitchen.

Me: “Oh, excuse me, [Patron]. That’s our kitchen; it’s not open to the public.”

Patron: “I’m just getting my water bottle.”

Me: “What?”

Patron: “I put my water bottle in the fridge so it stays cold.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t do that. The fridge — the whole kitchen — is a staff-only area.”

Patron: “But you’re a public library, aren’t you? That means you work for us. It’s unfair of you to ban us from the kitchen. You work for us, so it’s ours!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Patron], but that’s not how it works.”

Patron: “That’s my kitchen, too! You’re a public library!”

Me: “No, the staff kitchen is off-limits to patrons.”

My director came out of her office and backed me up, and the patron grumpily took his water bottle and left.

He’s been here all summer but he’s told me he doesn’t own property and makes his money day-trading stocks so he can avoid as many taxes as possible. Even if taxpayers were my boss (that’s not how it works), his taxes probably contribute a smaller proportion of the library budget than mine!

This Is The Last Straw (For You)

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2022

Our small theater has a self-serve butter and soda station that usually has straws stocked in it. However, over the last month and a half, we’ve had a serious problem with the annoying local college kids from across the road coming in and secretly stealing copious amounts of our straws to take back to their dorms. We’ve unfortunately had to make the call to start handing out straws at concessions and limiting the number we can give to each customer. It’s the only way to make sure the situation stops.

A twenty-something comes up to the concession stand and buys a medium popcorn. He goes over to the butter station and then immediately comes back.

Customer: “Where are the straws?”

Me: “Oh, we’re handing them out at the concession stand.”

Customer: *With a crap-eating grin* “Cool. Lemme get about twenty.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not giving you twenty straws.”

Customer: “Come on, man, I need them.”

Me: *Bluntly* “You don’t need twenty straws.”

Customer: “I wanna do the butter trick! And I need some straws for my dorm.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s exactly the issue. The straws are for theater customers, not dorm rooms. I can give you one for butter if you absolutely insist, but that’s it.”

Customer: “Come on, man! This is bulls***! I need those straws!”

Me: “So do other customers. I’m not giving you twenty straws.”

He stormed away without his straw for butter. He then came back and tried to get a coworker to give him twenty straws. She didn’t give them to him, either.

Kindness Opens Doors And Generates Refunds

, , , , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2022

I work customer service for a small sales website that sells gifts, graphic T-shirts, and stuff like that. 

One of my favorite things is that, having been there for a couple of years, they trust my judgment; they know that I know a lot of loopholes and how to get the system to do what I want, even if it’s not supposed to be able to, and they allow me to do so at my own discretion. I had actually been forcing refunds unknowingly because I just happened upon how to do it a few months into my employment. I thought it was a normal part of the always-convoluted system until a coworker was complaining about not being able to do refunds himself and having to put tickets through to billing, instead. Thankfully, when I showed my manager how it worked and what I’d been doing, he just took notes on how for himself and told me to use the power wisely.

The point is that I can make a lot of exceptions, but only if I want to do so.

We’ve started working from home, so my partner and I are sharing an office. One day, I get a call from an irate customer. She failed to use the prepaid return label we gave her because she went to the wrong delivery company and got mad that they wouldn’t take the label. Instead of going to the correct company to ship it on us, she spent $8 to return it and demanded we refund her.

From most people’s knowledge and the company handbook, there is no physical way in the system to do this; we can only refund the item and shipping we took and cannot refund anything beyond what they paid. This is why we provide the labels and it’s made clear in multiple places, including the return form they get with their packing slip. The only exception is a code for a $5 courtesy refund that the system will accept.

However, it’s an old system, and there’s a way around most things, this included; it involves about ten extra steps and opening two instances of our system at once side by side, so it’s a bit of a pain, but I can get it done. But since it’s not supposed to work like that, and technically it’s against policy, I don’t do it often, mostly because I know it runs the risk of a customer demanding it later with a “But they did it for me before!” attitude.

That is exactly the sort of vibe this lady gives me. She is snippy from the get-go.

Lady: “I don’t see why they didn’t just take the label!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but as it’s a [Delivery Company] label, it can only be scanned by [Delivery Company]’s system.”

Lady: “Well, you should have made it more obvious where the label was for!”

Me: “The labels do have the logo in the upper right, ma’am. I’m sorry if it was a little hard to notice.”

This is bull: the logo is about three inches wide and two inches tall, oversized specifically so that it’s easy to see.

It goes on for a while. I end up Googling her town out of curiosity while she rants, and I find that there’s only one location for the delivery company she tried to drop it at, and it’s less than a mile from one of the correct ones! I ask her if they made her aware of that when she dropped it off, but that just sends her into a spiel about how the workers for [Wrong Company] should have just accepted the label and taken it over to [Correct Company] for her. 

I offer her the $5 courtesy refund, but she keeps going over the remaining three dollars and change. By the time my call timer hits three minutes, she is swearing in general at the situation; I swear when frustrated, too, so I don’t mind it. When she turns it on me, though, I shut it down.

Me: “Ma’am, I understand your frustration, but as I’ve explained, there is nothing we can do. We gave you a prepaid label but you chose not to use it. I will not tolerate being cussed at and insulted. I’ve applied the $5 coupon to your account. Have a good day.”

And I hang up. 

My partner doesn’t work with people, so they are pretty shocked; the second half of the conversation was loud enough for them to overhear both sides. I roll my eyes and tell them it’s normal.

A couple of weeks later, we’re both working again, and I get a call from another person. She sounds younger than the first, who was probably in her fifties; this woman sounds twenty-five to thirty at best guess.

Young Lady: “Hi. I’m calling because I returned an item from my order via [Different Company from label]. I didn’t realize it was the wrong place until I was already there, and I ended up just paying for it. Is there anything you can do?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the reason we send the prepaid labels is that we cannot refund outside shipping charges; the system won’t allow it.”

My partner catches my eye and gives me a sort of, “Oh, s***, again?” look as we both brace for anger.

Young Lady: “Okay, I kind of figured as much. Thanks, anyway!”

After a breath of surprise, I say: 

Me: “Oh, you know what, one moment. Can you tell me how much it was for?”

Young Lady: “Oh, uh… It was just ten dollars and seventeen cents. It’s fine.”

Me: “Do you mind holding while I talk to my supervisor? I’d like to see if I can do something for you.”

Young Lady: “Oh, yeah, sure!”

I put her on hold and, instead of calling my supervisor, take that moment to open a second system and work the loophole. I manage to refund her money.

Me: “Thank you for holding! I got permission to override the system; your refund has been issued! If you can, please take a photo or copy of your receipt and send it to [my email] for our records.”

Young Lady: “Really?! Thank you! I’ll take care of that now!”

She thanks me a few more times and we hang up.

Partner: “Wait, I thought you couldn’t refund external shipping?”

Me: “We’re not supposed to be able to, but I can.”

I explain the loopholes to him.

Partner: “So, wait, why didn’t you just do it for that lady last week? Wouldn’t it have been easier than being cussed out?”

Me: “Probably, but I don’t reward that kind of behavior. I only use loopholes for nice people; otherwise, it’s by the book, sorry, nothing I can do!”

If only more companies would let their employees do the same.