Bouncing Somewhere Else

, , , , | Working | November 16, 2017

(I’m on holiday in New York and have gone to a nightclub for a few drinks with some friends. I’m from the UK. The club we choose has a sign specifically stating that foreign forms of ID are accepted.)

Bouncer #1: “ID.”

(I hand it over.)

Bouncer #1: “This is fake.”

Me: “How?”

Bouncer #1: “The UK doesn’t have driver’s licenses.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure they do.”

(Another bouncer comes over and takes my ID and moves it underneath the light overhead.)

Bouncer #2: “Looks genuine enough. She can come in.”

Bouncer #1: “No, she can’t.”

Bouncer #2: *sighs* “Why not?”

Bouncer #1: “We don’t let foreigners in.”

Bouncer #2: “Well, that sign says otherwise.” *to me* “Sorry about this; he’s new.”

Bouncer #1: *looking at my ID again* “She’s under 21.”

Bouncer #2: “December, 1989. She’s 26!”

([Bouncer #1] blushed and handed my ID back, then let me in. When the club was full he stood at the doors and glared at me the entire time. While I can’t help but commend [Bouncer #2] for his professionalism and experience, [Bouncer #1] ruined our night. We found another club and went there for the rest of our holiday.)

Illustrating The Need For Quiet, Mathematically

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 16, 2017

(I’m in the common area of my dorm, attempting to get some homework done, as there isn’t enough space in my dorm room for this project. A pair of other students apparently have the same idea. Unfortunately, they are working on what appears to be accounting homework, and bickering over a problem, LOUDLY. I’m trying to concentrate on my own work, but they just keep going back and forth, and it’s distracting, as their volume only rises.)

Me: *finally fed up* “Oh, my God. Just… give me the problem you’re working on!”

Student #1: *snootily, after glancing at the large self-portrait I’m working on* “Um, you won’t understand the terms.”

Me: *ignoring the fact that they’ve been bickering so long I already do* “It’s just f****** math. I don’t need the terms; just give me the numbers.”

Student #2: “Um… it’s [figure #1] and [figure #2].”

Me: “Are you f****** kidding me? It’s [answer]. It’s frigging basic division! Now, can I please get back to work in peace?!”

(They both glare at me and flip to the back of their book, then immediately look sheepish.)

Student #1: “It… it is [answer].”

Student #2: *glancing at my homework* “So… Is that an elective, or…?”

Me: “No. I’m an illustration major.”

Student #2: *weakly* “Well, I guess you could always switch to accounting if you wanted.”

(Thankfully, after that, they were much quieter.)

“It” Wasn’t Funny The First Time

, , , , , | Right | November 13, 2017

(“It” has been playing for the past week. One day, I get a call at the box office.)

Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Theater]. How can I help you?”

Caller: *giggling* “Yeah, um… Do you have ‘It’?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Our next show-times are at noon, 3:00 pm, and 7:30 pm.”

Caller: *pause; annoyed* “You were supposed to ask me what ‘It’ was! It was a joke! I wanted to confuse you!”

Me: “Oh, I know. It’s just that we’ve gotten that exact same prank call about ten times a day for the past week and I’m trying not to waste time on them.”

Caller: *click*

Not Drawing A Picture Of Intelligence

, , , , | Working | November 9, 2017

(I’ve just started a job, and the administrative assistant is showing me my new office. The office has no supplies in it except the computer and printer.)

Coworker: “Just let me know what supplies you need, and I’ll get them for you!”

Me: “Thanks! I think just some pencils, pens, and a pad would be great to start. Oh, and a stapler.”

(She heads to the supply room to get my supplies and comes back a short time later with a box.)

Coworker: “Here you go! Pencils, pens, post-its, pads, a stapler… and…” *she pauses for effect as she reaches into the box again* “…a pencil sharpener! I thought you might want one.”

(I look between the electric pencil sharpener she’s just pulled out and the box of mechanical pencils she gave me. She doesn’t seem to see the issue, as she’s still smiling.)

Me: “Oh, what a great idea! Thanks!”

(She was a nice woman, but definitely not the sharpest pencil in the box.)

Interview Technique Is Lacking An Interview

, , , , , , , | Working | November 8, 2017

(I have just finished an interview, so I am wearing a suit and nice shoes as well as carrying a laptop. I decide to stop in a well-known coffee shop to get a tea and a bagel. I sit down at an empty table to eat and play a game on my phone, with only a handful of customers in the store. A well-dressed woman walks up to me.)

Woman: “Hi.”

Me: “Hello?”

Woman: “Do you need a phone charger?”

Me: *confused* “No, thanks… Do you?”

(The woman shakes her head but doesn’t move. After a moment…)

Woman: “Could you move over there?” *points to a different table*

Me: *now really confused* “Uh, no? I’m fine right here.”

Woman: “You know, you aren’t making a very good first impression.”

Me: “Neither are you.”

Woman: *with a rude tone, points to clipboard in hand* “I’m marking this down, I hope you know.”

Me: “For what?”

(With a shocked expression, the woman turned around and disappeared into the back room. I figured that someone had an interview scheduled that day and the woman assumed I was the candidate. If that’s the case, it was pretty rude to not even introduce herself or ask me if I was there for the interview.)

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