No Eggs For You!

, , , , , , | Right | April 1, 2018

(Today is the day customers come in to pick up rental Easter Bunny costumes. I’m helping a man in his mid-60s, from a church, pick up his bunny. A coworker is helping another customer pick up her bunny.)

Man: *to fellow customer* “You look like you should be picking up the Playboy version of that costume.”

(Stunned silence from the three women at the counter: the customer, my coworker, and me.)

The Ugly Face Of Easter

, , , , , , , | Right | March 31, 2018

(We have one of our many unusual customers in doing Easter shopping. She comes back the next day to get a price adjustment.)

Customer: “Oh, thanks. I hope you have a great Easter!”

(We wish her a happy Easter, and as she’s walking away she gives my manager who helped her a huge grin.)

Customer: “I hope the Easter Bunny sits on your face!”

(This was said brightly, with no hint of any alternate meaning or malice, and left us both standing there stunned for several moments. It was one of the strangest things I have ever heard a customer say.)

Inky Sweet

, , , | Friendly | March 30, 2018

(I’m working in a well-known coffee shop. I’m heavily tattooed, and I’m used to rude comments from others. There is a little girl whispering to her mother and sneaking glances at me. The mother looks over at me.)

Mom: “Go on! It’s okay!”

(The little girl practically tiptoes over to me, looking in awe at my tattoos.)

Little Girl: “Excuse me… Do you have to put on your tattoos by yourself every day, or does your mom help you?”

(That was one of the sweetest things I’ve heard, and it made my day.)

Finally Doing The Thing

, , , , | Romantic | March 30, 2018

(I’ve been dating a guy for a while, things have been going pretty well, and he finally proposes!)

Boyfriend: “I was thinking about us getting married. What do you think?”

Me: “Swiggity swing! You get the ring, and we’ll do the thing!”

(We’re getting married in three months.)

Wish She Would Get On Her Bike

, , , , , | Right | March 28, 2018

(I work in a movie theater. I’m working box office late one night about an hour before our final show. Several customers have come in and reported that a motorcycle parked out front has fallen over and attained damage. We cannot do anything about it at the moment, as we have been unable to locate the potential owner as a guest. We are unsure if they are even at the theater or simply at another nearby store — the theater is in a large shopping center. We also want to avoid the potential to accidentally cause panic due to the recent rash of theater-shootings. We’ve been looking into it, however, and are also reviewing security camera footage to see if we caught the event. After a while, a woman who is seemingly panicked and acting very strangely runs into the theater with her boyfriend.)

Female Customer: “You’ve got to do something! A motorcycle fell over and it’s all messed up in the parking lot!”

Me: “Thank you for letting us know, ma’am. We’ve been informed of this by several other guests and are working on the situation now.”

Female Customer: *furious* “What do you mean, ‘working on it’?”

Me: “We’re attempting to find out if the owner is a guest or not and inform them. Unfortunately, there’s not much we can do, as we cannot interrupt all the screenings we have going on. Our managers have been questioning guests, however, and we‘re looking into seeing if we have security footage of the event.”

Female Customer: “You should go tell everyone in every theater!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we really can’t do that. We have hundreds of guests and close to a dozen movies going on at the moment. We can’t interrupt everyone.”

Female Customer: *scoffs and begins laughing sarcastically* “Well, aren’t you helpful?!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t want to exacerbate the situation. Stopping the films and making emergency announcement and whatnot could unintentionally cause panic or confusion, and would likely upset guests.”

Female Customer: “Ugh! You’re useless! If you don’t stop the movies and go in to tell everyone, I will run to each theater and scream it!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’d highly advise you do not do that.”

Female Customer: “You should go out and pick up the bike, then!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s definitely not a good idea. That would make the situation a lot worse, could cause further damage to the bike, and would cause legal problems, as we could potentially be held liable for the damage.”

Female Customer: “I’ll do it, then!”

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t.”

(She ran outside in a panic, and did indeed begin to mess with the bike. It was too heavy, so at one point, she actually started to lift it a few inches and then DROPPED it again. I called my manager, who was shocked that the woman was outside causing potential further damage, placing herself potentially on security camera, and leaving her fingerprints all over the bike. She eventually returned, still fuming. She bought tickets, which we allowed because we wanted her there in case the owner showed up so she could give him insurance information for any more damage she might have caused. She spent the next 20 minutes shooting me nasty gazes, complaining about how I was “not doing my job,” etc. She finally went into her theater. The real kicker? The owner eventually came out and it turns out that he was the one to knock it over in the first place, and he just didn’t bother picking it up for whatever reason. He was very interested in the woman who was messing with his bike, though, and wasn’t pleased she took it on herself to touch it. I’m not sure if she ended up having to pay anything, but I certainly hope she did.)

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