No Business Of Mein

, , , , , | Right | March 5, 2018

(On my first day of training at a major bookstore, this happens.)

Customer: *sets down “Mein Kampf”* “Don’t ask.”

Me: “…”

Unfiltered Story #106397

, | Unfiltered | March 4, 2018

(I am 26 at the time of this story, seeing a gynecologist for the first time. This is only important because the doctor is a specialist and has never seen me before.)

[appointment goes smoothly, at the very end:]
Doctor: alright, is there anything else I can do for you?
Me: Maybe? I know this is a bit of an odd request, but I have run out of my eczema cream for my face, and was hoping I could get you to re-write the script for me?
Doctor: um. What? Why don’t you have the original doctor re write it, who wrote it for you the last time?
Me: That’s the problem, it was my pediatrician.
Doctor: …You are 26, you don’t HAVE a pediatrician.
Me: That is the point, this is an old prescription—I only need it once in a while, it was last written when I was in high school. I’m normally very good at avoiding putting things I’m allergic to on my face.
Doctor: Uh. *skeptical* That’s really very unusual, I don’t know anything about what the script should be?
Me: Oh that’s no trouble, I have the old tube here in my bag!
Doctor: …alright, let’s see.
Me: *pulls out ancient tube, where the paint/label covering has peeled off in places revealing the metal underneath, very worn and battered*
Doctor: Good Lord, that IS old!
Me: *laughs* yeah, I did say it was from highschool! But if you can’t rewrite it, I can make an appointment to see a dermatologist, I just figured it was worth asking, since I will be out of town for a month and thus not be able to see anyone until after.
Doctor: Nah, don’t worry, this is a very straightforward prescription, I can write it—but you should probably know this stuff does actually expire, even if it doesn’t run out.
Me: what, really? I had noticed it didn’t seem to be as effective as I remembered, but thought that I was imagining things.

(So the doctor wrote my script and sent me about my business, with instructions to see an actual dermatologist at some point soon. Her expression when she saw the tube, though, that was hilarious!)

Captain Jack Says Stick To Rum, Instead

, , , , | Related | March 2, 2018

(My mother is listening to Billy Joel’s song “Captain Jack.” The lyrics seem to suggest that “Captain Jack” is some sort of drug. Since my mother’s been listening to Billy Joel forever, I figure she’d know about the song’s meaning:)

Me: “What is Captain Jack?”

Mother: “I don’t know; I was going to ask you.”

Me: “Is that what they mean when they say, ‘Talk to your kids about drugs’?”

Landing A Job Causes Someone Else To Crash

, , , , , , , | Working | March 2, 2018

(I am a teenager fresh out of school. I need some money but don’t have much work experience, so I apply for several retail and entry-level jobs. I get a few interviews, including one at a well-known retail chain, [Store]. The interview goes well, and I am told I’ll hear from them within the week. In the meantime, I continue going on interviews, and about two weeks later I accept a job in another field. Two full months after my interview at [Store], I get the following phone call:)

HR Representative: “Hi, this is [HR Representative] from [Store], calling for [My Name]. We just wanted to let you know that your first shift is on Monday, so we need you to come in and fill out some paperwork before then.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s been so long since the interview, and I hadn’t heard anything, so I accepted another position. I appreciate your call, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to work with you.”

HR Representative: “But you filled out an application and said you wanted a job.”

Me: “Yes, I did. But my interview was two months ago, and no one from [Store] ever contacted me to offer me a job, or to tell me that I was in line for one. Your call is the first contact I’ve had. I applied several places and have accepted a position in another field. I really needed a job, you see, so I took one when it was offered.”

HR Representative: “Well, we’re really short-staffed, so we need you to start on Monday.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but I really can’t. The job I’ve accepted is full-time, Monday to Friday, so I really wouldn’t be available for anything beyond occasional part-time work.”

HR Representative: “But we need you on Monday.”

Me: *pause* “…and I’m very sorry, but I am not available.”

HR Representative: “You shouldn’t lie on your application. If you say you want a job, you should take it when it’s offered.”

Me: “That’s exactly what I did.”


It’s All In The Delivery Zone

, , , , , | Right | March 2, 2018

(The sandwich shop I work in during college is a chain famous for its speedy delivery. This means that the shop has a delivery radius; according to corporate, we can’t deliver outside that radius. I have been working there for about three months when this happens. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Sandwich Shop], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a [sandwich #1] with extra lettuce and no tomato, a [sandwich #2] with double meat, a bag of [flavor] chips…” *goes on with a very complicated order that involves several other sandwiches, all with modifications*

Me: “Okay, great. Can I have your address, please?”

Customer: “It’s [address].”

(As soon as she says this, I check it on the map above the phones and realize with a sinking feeling that she lives outside our delivery zone.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t deliver there.”


Me: “Ma’am, I’m not even qualified to cut bread. I have absolutely no say over our delivery zone.”

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