Unfiltered Story #127633

, , | Unfiltered | November 25, 2018

In college I worked at a farm that gave horseback riding lessons. At the time I was cleanshaven and had lip piercings. This exchange with a student’s mother and grandmother happened one day while I was waiting for a lesson to end so my boss could hand the children over to me for help putting their ponies away.
Student’s Grandmother: “Don’t those hurt??”
Me: “Huh? Oh! The piercings? They hurt a bit to get, but they’ve long since healed and I don’t even feel them anymore.”
Grandmother: “But how do you put on lipstick?”
Me: (Not catching the implication) “I…don’t? Why would I be putting on lipstick?”
Grandmother: “You can’t possibly go around in those barn clothes all the time! You must put on makeup when you’re dressing up for things.”
Me: (Finally getting it) “Oh! No. No, ma’am. I’m a boy. I don’t wear makeup.”
Student’s Mother: “You’re a boy and you ride horses?!”
Me: “Yup! Bit of a minority, but we exist.”
Mother: “Are you gay or something?”
Me: “I am, but it’s funny that people assume that. I do a sport where I’m surrounded by athletic women in tight pants all the time; you’d think people would assume I was straight!”
Grandmother: “Are you REALLY a boy?”
Me: “Yes. Yes I am.”
Grandmother: “Like, for real? You’re not one of those girls going through a phase of wearing her boyfriend’s clothing?”
Me: “…I guarantee I’m 100% male.”
(Thankfully the children got off their ponies just then and saved me from continuing the conversation.)

Driving You Bananas

, , , | Right | November 24, 2018

(I work at a small ice cream parlor inside of a supermarket. We have two different flavors each day, and I have a twenty-inch sign right in front of me saying what two flavors we are selling on the given day.)

Sign: “Today: CHOCOLATE & BANANA.”

Customer: “Strawberry.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I want strawberry. Do you have it?”

Me: “Madam, the fruit section is–” *gives directions to the produce section*

Customer: “I want ice cream.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Which one would you like? Today we have chocolate and banana flavor.”

Customer: “Strawberry.”

Me: *starting to understand what she wanted earlier* “I’m sorry, we don’t have that flavor today. Would you like the chocolate or the banana one?”

Customer: “Ugh. But you don’t have strawberry.”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I think we are going to have it again on [day].”

Customer: “But I want my ice cream.”

Me: “Okay… Well.. Would you like to try the banana one or the chocolate one?”

Customer: “Whatever.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Just whatever. Give me some ice cream.”

Me: “Umm… You have to choose, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t care.”

Me: “So… I guess I can recommend the banana one?”

Customer: “Then give me the banana one.”

Me: “Okay, and would you like big or small?”

Customer: “Banana.”

Me: “Yes, yes, but what size? Big or small?”

Customer: “Just give me a bit.”

Me: *screaming inside*

A Long Time Ago, In A Ballet Performance Far Far Away

, , , , , | Romantic | November 24, 2018

(My husband and I are at a performance of Balanchine’s “Stravinsky Violin Concerto,” which is a “mood” piece with no specific plot. I love ballet; my husband is not such a fan. This conversation happens during intermission.)

Husband: *frowning* “I don’t get it. There’s no storyline. I don’t understand what it’s supposed to mean.”

Me: “Think of it like an abstract painting. Or… wait.” *thinking fast* “Remember when Luke and Yoda were on Dagobah, and Luke was going into that forest where Darth Vader was, and he asked Yoda, ‘What’s in there?’ and Yoda said, ‘Only what you take with you.’? It’s kind of like that. It’s what you take with you.”

Husband: “So, the stage is a cave filled with the Dark Side of the Force?”

Me: “Uh, yeah. If it helps.”

Husband: *nodding sagely* “Oh. Okay. I get it now.”

“Women And Children First” Now Applies To Restaurant Waitlists

, , , | Right | November 23, 2018

(I work in a very small restaurant; we have only sixteen seats. During a very busy dinner shift, a woman comes in.)

Customer: “Hi. There’s two of us for dinner.”

Me: “Great! Just to warn you: as you can see, we’re very busy, and there are several parties waiting already. It’s going to be a pretty extensive wait… maybe forty-five minutes to an hour.”

Customer: “But… I have a twelve-year-old with me.”

Me: “That does not change the number of people who are on the list ahead of you.”

(I still don’t know why she thought having a child with her would make me disregard the customers who’d come before her. Especially when that child was certainly old enough to wait an hour for dinner.)

He’ll Have The Telepathy Sub With Extra Cheese

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2018

(I work in a sandwich shop. There are a bunch of people who are regulars to the store and order the same sandwich everyday, every single time they came in. The only problem is, I am new and don’t know these people OR their orders. A customer comes into the shop and stands at the glass partition. I stare at him through the glass, waiting for him to begin his order. Often when people come into the shop, they start their order without acknowledgement, making the workers rush to remember everything they’re saying in their order. After about two minutes of him staring at me, I decide to speak up.)

Me: “Welcome to [Sandwich Shop]. What bread would you like to start with today?”

Customer: “I come here every single day; you don’t know what my sandwich is by now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m a new employee. If you tell me how you like your sandwich, I’ll be sure to remember for when you come in next time.” *forced grin*

Customer: “Ugh! Can’t you just get one of the other workers from the back, then? How about the [race] girl? She knows me.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I go to the back and find the worker he is asking for, and she laughs saying something along the lines of, “Oh, I know him. Yeah, he’s here every day.” She then goes out to make his sandwich, chatting with him the whole time and laughing it up while I stand at the register. When is finished, he comes to the register and stares at me again.)

Me: “What sandwich did you order, sir?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “The sandwich that she made? What sandwich was it, so I can ring it up?”

Customer: *glares at me* “Are you f****** kidding me?”

(Without missing a beat, the other worker came in and rang him up, saving me from getting yelled at, and shook her head at me while saying, “You really need to work on your customer service.”)

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