This Teacher Will Keep You On Your Toes

, , , | Right | March 29, 2010

(I’m nineteen, and I look fairly younger than that. I teach at a dance studio. I’m standing at the receptionist’s desk when a woman walks in.)

Customer: “Hi, I missed registration yesterday and I need to register my daughter for a beginning ballet class.”

Coworker: “Okay, you actually lucked out; we have a space open in [Other Coworker]’s class.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I really want her in [My Name]’s class. Can you arrange that?”

Coworker: “Well, okay. Let me

Customer: “Hang on.” *turns to me* “Sweetie, what are you doing here? It’s incredibly rude to eavesdrop.”

Me: “Well, I

Customer: “Where are your parents? And why didn’t they teach you any manners? You think you can just stand here, eating up this lady’s time? I have a job! I have better things to do than watch you listen to me!”

Me: “Hi, I’m actually [My Name]. You wanted to get into my class?”

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Upside (Down) Your (Empty) Head

, , , | Right | March 28, 2010

Me: “Here are your two triple-venti whole-milk upside-down caramel-macchiatos, both with extra caramel. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Oh, no, those aren’t mine! They’re hot.”

Me: “Didn’t you order the two triple-venti whole-milk upside-down caramel-macchiatos with extra caramel?”

Customer: “Yeah, exactly, upside down. That’s cold. I want them cold. Like with ice. I said upside down; that’s what it means.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, upside down doesn’t mean iced. Iced means iced.”

Customer: “Really? So can you make them again with upside down ice?”

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Perhaps It’s Because You Drive A Hummmvee

, , , , , | Right | March 26, 2010

(I have a sticker on my car that reads “Caution: Driver Singing.” I pull up into work and as I’m heading in, a customer taps me on the shoulder.)

Customer: “Hey.”

Me: “Um, hi?”

Customer: “I thought so! You’re that girl with the singing bumper sticker, aren’t you?”

Me: “Oh! Yes, I am.”

Customer: “I passed you in the parking lot yesterday. You weren’t singing.”

Me: “Oh, well, I’ve had a sore throat.”

Customer: *completely serious* “You should always be singing, you know.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “In a car like that, you should always be singing so your sticker doesn’t lie!”

Me: “Well, the other day when you passed me? I was humming.”

Customer: *perfectly happy again* “Oh, really? Well, that’s all right, then!”

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The Dolly Llama’s New Groove

, , , , | Right | March 15, 2010

(As I am organizing books on a display, I overhear this exchange.)

Customer #1: *pointing at a copy of “The Path to Tranquility”* “Ooh, look! That’s the Dalai Lama! I saw him once!”

Customer #2: “You saw him?”

Customer #1: “Yeah! He was in Florida doing a thing! I saw him out walking with all his little llamas.”

Customer #2: “Um, little LLAMAS?”

Customer #1: “Or dollies, whatever!”

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Sadly Just Small-Fry

, , , , , | Right | March 8, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’d like some of your free Wi-fries.”

Me: “Um, excuse me?”

Customer: “I heard on your commercial that you were offering free Wi-fries.”

Me: “Oh, you must have misunderstood. It means we offer free wireless Internet here, not free fries.”

Customer: “Oh, man, I was looking forward to trying a new kind of fry.”

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