(I am working as a ranger on a busy Sunday. All of the tee times are taken for the entire day. Even though the course is full, the pace of play is still at four hours because the course uses ten-minute tee times. As I come up to the eleventh tee, a customer is practice swinging his driver while waiting for the group in front of him move to the green. The customer walks over to me.)

Customer: “I want to play through the group ahead of us.”

Me: *politely* “I am sorry, sir, but that is not an option. The course is full and there is no group that is out of position.”

Customer: “I know the owner of the course and he would let my group play through.”

Me: “I know the owner quite well myself, and your group will not be able to play through.”

(He turns his back to me and starts swearing every swear word known to man. His swearing does not bother me because he’s not directing his comments to me. His three other playing partners never say a word to me and look content drinking a cold beverage while waiting their turn. All of a sudden, he quickly turns around and starts walking towards me in a fast pace with his driver in his hand. He has a crazy look in his eyes as he approaches and I prepare myself for an angry confrontation.)

Customer: *screaming* “I have a date today and if I am late for my date, I am going to have my girlfriend call you to yell at you!”

Me: *without hesitation* “Is your girlfriend hot? If she is, I will give you my number. Have her call me.”

(The three men on the carts busted up laughing. The man with the golf club never said another word for the rest of the day.)

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(This particular story happens the day after a really bad snowstorm. The storm leads to us shutting down early the day before, numerous employees call out because they still can’t get to work, and several of our company’s smaller locations nearby to have shut down for the day. My coworker and I are in the box office with a massively long line that is out the door.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about the wait. What would you like to see today?”

Customer #1: “I’d like one ticket to [Movie], and there is no need to apologize. There was a blizzard yesterday. I’m just glad you guys are open.”

(I finish the transaction and call the next person.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about the wait. What would you like to see today?”

Customer #2: “We’d like two for [Movie] and it’s fine. You guys are doing your best and it’s not a big deal that we had to wait a little while.”

(After several more transactions like this, my coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “Are we in the Twilight Zone or something? Everyone is being polite about waiting in line.”

Me: “We’ve clearly entered some alternate universe where customers are nice to us.”

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(My friend and I are very close and while I am super nerdy, she is very preppy and girly. We don’t usually share personal information; however, sometimes there is an exception…)

Friend: *whispering* “Do you… you know…. watch the thing that starts with PO and ends in N?”

Me: “DUH! I actively talk and obsess over it and I have seen more episodes than anyone I know! Don’t you know that I’ve watched it for a few years now?”

Friend: “EW! YOU WATCH P*RN? YOU ARE SO GROSS! AND YOU’VE WATCHED IT FOR A FEW YEARS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

Me: “…I thought you were talking about Pokémon.”

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(We’re in 11th grade English class, just beginning our unit on Hamlet. It took some time to pass out the books, so many are only half paying attention. The teacher finally gets to begin.)

Teacher: “So the play opens with Horatio speaking to two sentries… Does everyone know what a sentry is?”

Student: *in back* “Yeah! It’s, like, 10 years!”

(It is the day after Christmas and we’re desperately trying to work through the heavy traffic in the store. The line is about 20 minutes from the end to being helped.)

Me: “May I help the next customer in line?”

(A customer comes up with a fussy infant in her arms, an eight-year-old, and a five-year-old. The eight-year-old places a marketing box on the counter.)

Customer: “He wants that and has gift cards.”

Me: “All right, let me just double-check if I have this in stock right now.” *looks it up in the computer* “Oh, unfortunately, it looks like we’ve run out, but [five other locations] all have this item. Would you like me to call and have them hold one for you? Or, if you would rather, I can order it from our online store right here and you can use your gift cards today? We offer free shipping right to your home.”

Customer: *screaming* “I have been waiting in line for 30 minutes with what is obviously an irritated child and you don’t HAVE it?! Shame on you for having the box out!”

Me: “I’m really very sorry but we are required to display the marketing until a certain date regardless of stock because the company has paid for the space in the store.”

Customer: “Well, it’s false advertising and I can’t believe I just waited for nothing! I had to get them all in the car and then we waited here. You obviously don’t know how hard that is to do!”

Me: “I realize it is an event to do so; however, you can see our current stock through our online site and then call us to hold an item to guarantee we’ll have one for when you get here. Unfortunately, we’ve been out of this item since before Christmas and we haven’t gotten any new shipment because of the holidays.”

Customer: “I am never shopping here again. Ridiculous!”

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