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When Common Sense Goes Naval Gazing

, , , , | Right | May 22, 2010

(I serve on a Canadian Naval vessel. While on an exercise, our ship comes alongside in New York and offers tours to any civilians who wish to see the ship. I am on duty when a group of Americans comes on board for a tour. At the end of the tour, one gentleman comes up to me.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, when does the ship leave?”

Me: “We’re in port for another two days before we head back to sea, sir.”

Tourist: “But we’re here today. Can’t we take the tour now?”

Me: “I beg your pardon, sir? Didn’t you just take the tour?”

Tourist: “We saw the ship, but when do we go to [Town the ship is named after]?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, but the tours are of the ship only.”

Tourist: “But when do you sail to [Town]?”

Me: “We actually can’t, sir, because that town isn’t on the ocean.”

Tourist: “Well, that’s stupid! How are we supposed to sail there? Never mind, where is the ship going next, then, and when do we have to be here?”

Me: “Well, if you’d like to watch us leave, we will be shoving off around 10 o’clock on Sunday, sir.”

Tourist: “And where are we going then?”

Me: “Well, I can’t disclose where the ship is sailing next due to operational security, sir.”

Tourist: “Then how are we supposed to get back?”

(Thankfully at this point the man’s wife jumps in.)

Tourist’s Wife: “This isn’t a cruise, you moron! We just came to see the ship!”

Tourist: *to me* “Well, why didn’t you say that? Are you Canadians all stupid or something? No wonder we beat the s*** out of you in the war! If you didn’t surrender to everyone that waved a gun at you, you probably wouldn’t be so stupid!”

(The tourist storms off the ship.)

Tourist’s Wife: “I… um… yeah. May I have one of those free hats, please?”


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Aisle Be Watching You

, , , | Right | April 26, 2010

(I’ve misunderstood a question and directed the customer to the wrong aisle. I’m trying to tell her the correct aisle.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I thought you meant something else. What you’re looking for is actually down aisle eight. It’s the last item on the right.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you, and I’m too tired to look for it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can verify that it is in aisle eight. There is a display a few feet away so you won’t have to walk all the way down there.”

Customer: “What is the store phone number?”

(The customer dials the store number with the phone in front of me. It’s on speakerphone so I hear ringing on her end and then ringing on my phone. I pick up the phone and look right at the customer standing no more than a foot away from me.)

Me: “Hello [Store].”

Customer: “Yes, hi. I have a question about a product you sell. What aisle is [Product] down?”

Me: “Aisle eight. Last item on the right.”

Customer: “Thank you.” *hangs up, looks at me* “At least she knew what she was talking about!”

Cereally Stupid

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tastes like it spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have ninety days to return this item, and you bought it over five months ago.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!”

Me: *looks in box* “Ma’am, this is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?”

Customer: “I told you. I ate it!”


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A Major Problem With A Minor Request

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2010

Me: “Good afternoon, [Bookstore]!”

Caller: “Hi, I have to do a project where I read to kids and they respond. Do you have that?”

Me: “You need a book to read to them? Sure! We have plenty of children’s books.”

Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”

Me: “Right, we have plenty of books you could chose from to read to them.”

Caller: “No, I need to read to kids and have them respond.”

Me: “So, what exactly is it that you need from us?”

Caller: “Can I do that there?”

Me: “Well, we don’t provide the children.”

Caller: *disappointed* “Oh, okay. Bye.”


This story is part of our Children Reading roundup!

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Not Exactly Driving Home His Point

, , , , , | Right | April 12, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Insurance Company]. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “My bill is too high. I don’t understand why I owe you so much money. I took a bunch of stuff off my policy to lower my bill.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Give me just one moment to review your policy.”

(I place him on hold for a minute and see that the 19-year-old kid has received two speeding tickets in less than three months.)

Me: “I see that the reason for the increase is that you received two speeding tickets the second half of last year, which is impacting your premium.”

Customer: “Fine! Then I request cancellation!”

Me: “Okay. I’ll need to get you in touch with your local agent so that they can assist you with replacing the policy. Let me give you the number in case I lose you in the transfer.”

Customer: “Well, give me a minute. You are going to have to talk slowly. I’m driving down the road and need to write this down.”


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