Unfiltered Story #90057

, | Unfiltered | June 22, 2017

Stoopid customer story for today: called saying he was short 4 pieces that were packed into a box…..

Me: my driver delivered 2 boxes – did you get 2 boxes?

Customer: yeah

Me: uh, did you open the boxes to see what was inside?

Customer: no….I was supposed to open them?

It never ends (and yes, they DID get the parts)

Option 1 For Me, 2 For Myself, And 3 For I

, , , | Right | June 18, 2017

(On weekend night shift there are usually three agents. But on this night, one is on scheduled vacation and the other one called off the day before because he got sick. Unfortunately no-one is able to take over for him so I am alone.)

Caller: “I called before and I think I talked with you. I want somebody else to help me.”

Me: “Oh, are you [Caller]? What is happening now? Maybe I can help you.”

Caller: “I don’t think so. Just transfer me to somebody else.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot do it. I’m alone today.”

Caller: “I don’t want your excuses. Just transfer me.”

Me: “I would but there is no-one else.”

Caller: “I will just call back and I will get somebody else”

Me: “Good luck, sir. But for next ten hours it is me or no-one.”

Caller: *click*

(Surprisingly he didn’t call back on that night.)

When A Punch Line Gets You Punched

, , , , | Friendly | June 16, 2017

(We are on holiday and are checking into our hotel.)

Receptionist: “How are you enjoying New York so far?”

Friend: “It’s great! I didn’t expect there to be so many [Racial Slur]s about!”

(The receptionist, who is black, glares at him.)

Friend: “Did I say it right? I heard that’s what white people did in America now.”

(That seemed to dissolve the tension slightly, and I’m hoping she just assumed my friend was making an off-colour joke with all the racial tensions being felt in the country. Personally though, knowing my friend, he was just being racist.)

Don’t Fudge It Up

, , , | Working | June 16, 2017

(I’m at a popular fast food place ordering a fudge ice cream sundae. My ice cream arrives with almost no fudge on it.)

Me: “Excuse me, could I please get some more fudge?”

Employee: “I’m not the master of fudge!”

(I didn’t get my fudge, but I did get a good story!)

This Class Just Went Atomic

, , , , | Learning | June 14, 2017

(I’m TAing a freshman physics class. The professor is brand new, and since he’s still learning his way around a classroom, I’ve been asked to write up my thoughts on his teaching. We’re coming up to the end of the semester, and he’s had a rocky year, but has improved a lot this semester.)

Professor: “Now, does anyone have any questions?”

Student #1: “Yeah, uh… can I ask a question that’s not related to the class?”

Professor: “I suppose so.”

Student #1: “You worked for the government before you came here, right?”

Professor: “Yes, I did. I worked for the Air Force, and for National Institutes of Health, and then–”

Student #1: “But what did you DO?”

Professor: *quiet for a second* “I’m afraid I can’t answer that.”

Class: *intrigued murmurs*

Professor: “Look, I decided to teach so I could get away from some aspects of –”

Student #2: “CAN YOU TEACH US ABOUT NUCLEAR BOMBS?”

Professor: “Uh…”

Student #2: “CAN YOU TEACH US ABOUT NUCLEAR BOMBS IF WE DO GOOD ON THE FINAL?”

Professor: “Fine.”

(The last day of class is supposed to be a debrief of the final exam and question-and-answer time. However, when it arrives…)

Professor: *showing a slide that says ‘TOPIC ONE: FINAL EXAM SCORES’* “I’m sure all of you are excited to find out how you did on the exam. The median was a 94. The highest was 100, and the lowest, I’m very happy to say, was an 89. I’m very pleased with these results.”

(He advances to the next slide: ‘TOPIC TWO: HISTORY, DESIGN, AND THEORY OF ATOMIC WEAPONRY,’ and the class cheers wildly.)

Professor: “As [Student #2] would say: you did good.”

(After the class ends, the TAs are helping him pack up the classroom. When the last of the students have left…)

Professor: “If any of them Google my name, they’re going to work out that I spent my life improving the design of safety railings. How long do you think I can keep up the mysterious government agent act?”

(We all scored him well.

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