This Conversation Is Eight Words And All Downhill

, , , | Right | September 20, 2020

I work as an elevator attendant at a hotel. A man enters the elevator. We are on the top floor.

Me: “Hello, sir. What floor?”

Guest: “Down.”

Me: “…”

Guest: “…”

Me: “…”

Guest: “…I mean, lobby.”

That had to be one of the most awkward elevator rides ever.

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What Part Of “Leave Me Alone” Did You Not Understand?

, , , , | Romantic | September 20, 2020

I am at a coffee shop one afternoon when a man sits down with me. I look up from my book just long enough to see that there are plenty of empty tables around us.

The man grabs the top of my book and pulls it down to look at me.

Man: “Hi.”

I pull the book from his grasp and say nothing.

Man: “What’s up?”

Me: “I’m reading.”

Man: “Nice. What book?”

I tilt the book so he can see the cover.

Man: “You come here often?”

Me: “Still reading.”

Man: *Small laugh* “You seeing anyone?”

I hold up my left hand to show my wedding band.

Me: “Married, not interested. Still reading.”

Man: “Right on. Have you been together for a long time?”

I let out an exasperated sigh and glare at him over my book.

Man: “I just wanted to talk to you. That’s all.”

I go back to my book.

Me: “Please leave me alone.”

Man: “You have kids?”

I put down my book.

Me: “Oh, my God, dude. No. Leave me alone!”

Man: “A beautiful woman like you should be popping out babies like a Pez dispenser.” *Laughs*

I’m actually infertile because cancer claimed my reproductive abilities a few years back, but it’s none of his business.

Me: “If you don’t leave me the f*** alone, I’m going to throw this hot coffee in your face.”

Man: *Standing abruptly* “C***.”

He moved to another table and glared at me until I left.

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Red (Folder) Alert!

, , , , | Right | September 18, 2020

I work for an office supply store. I’m packing our truck when something sounds a bit off. I see a customer, in his forties, opening boxes of plastic file folders, five of four different colors per box. He has a bunch of red file folders out of a box and is trying to close up the boxes.

Me: “Hi. Would you like help with anything?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’m fine.”

After a brief pause:

Me: “Just out of curiosity, why do you have some folders out of the box, and why are you closing up the boxes?”

Customer: “Oh, I just want all red folders, so I’m swapping them out with the other boxes.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you can’t do that.”

Customer: “I can’t?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. That’s technically stealing since other customers will want the different colors on the box, so I would have to damage them out. We do sell the plastic folders individually, though, in aisle nine. I’ll help you once I get this all sorted out.”

The customer wandered off as I fixed the three boxes he’d opened, making sure the count was right. By the time I got to the aisle to help out he was nowhere to be seen. Must have found the right items all on his own.

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Unfiltered Story #208749

, , , | Unfiltered | September 17, 2020

I am a customer, waiting in line to pay for my items. The cashier has just finished scanning my items. The woman in front of me is putting away her change from her purchase when she has the following interaction with the cashier.

Customer: This is Canadian penny!
Cashier: It’s what?
Customer: A Canadian penny! I can’t use this!
Cashier: Uh…
Customer: Give me an American penny! I can’t use this one!
Cashier: We take Canadian pennies.
Customer: Well I can’t use it anywhere else. I need an American one!
Me: American and Canadian pennies are the same size, they get confused all the time.
Customer: Well I can’t use this! (She tosses the penny at the cashier and storms off)
The cashier finished scanning my items and I pay.
Cashier: … and 2 cents is your change.
Me: Canadian pennies are fine by me!

Unfiltered Story #208721

, , | Unfiltered | September 16, 2020

I work at a church which is also a pretty big tourist destination, so we get a lot of visitors who are not congregation members. We also frequently get guests who confuse the domination of the church. It would appear this was the case with one such guest.

Guest: Hi, do you livestream your services?
Me: I’m not sure if we do. Let me ask my co-worker. [Co-worker], do we do livestreams of our services?
Co-worker: We don’t do livestreams of our daily masses.
Guest: The website says you do.
Co-worker: Maybe it means for the big ones, like Christmas and Easter. We might do livestreams of those, but definitely not the regular daily or Sunday masses.
Guest: But the website says that all Sunday masses are streamed on the internet. I’ll show you. I have it right here. (she pulls up the website on her phone) See?
Co-worker: That’s the website for the Church of [Other Saint, also a popular tourist destination].
Guest: Well, then which church is this?
Co-worker: This is the Church of [Saint which doesn’t sound like the other one].
Guest: Oh… never mind, then.