(I get a call at box office one Tuesday. We don’t get our showtime schedules for the next Friday-through-Thursday week until Wednesday.)

Caller: “Do you have [Movie] playing on Friday?”

Me: “I apologize, but unfortunately, we won’t have the schedule for Friday until sometime tomorrow.”

Caller: “So, what are you trying to tell me? You aren’t open Friday?”

Me: “No, that’s not at all what I’m saying. I’m merely saying that we won’t have our Friday schedule until sometime tomorrow.”

Caller: “If you’re open Friday, why can’t you tell me what’s playing that day?”

Me: “Because the schedule hasn’t been made yet.”

Caller: “So, you’re not open Friday?”

Me: “Yes, we are.”

Caller: “So, why won’t you tell me if [Movie] is playing?”

Me: “Because we don’t have our showtimes for Friday scheduled yet.”

Caller: “So, that means you’re not open Friday, right? You can’t be open if nothing is scheduled. Why do you keep saying you’re open Friday when you don’t have anything scheduled?”

Me: “Because we will have a schedule tomorrow. Showtimes for the next week are scheduled and posted Wednesday.”

Caller: “So, you are going to be open Friday?”

Me: “Yes, I guarantee it; we’re open 365 days a year.”

Caller: “Okay… so, what time is [Movie] playing on Friday?”

(This went on and on in circles until I gave up and transferred the call to a manager, who eventually gave up and hung up on the caller.)

(I’m a supervisor-in-training and I am doing my third training session at the theater I’ll be promoted to in less than a week. I am helping my future staff clean a theater because it is large and the rest are helping to clean our other large theaters.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to get a refund on this movie.”

Me: *currently holding trash* “On the movie that just finished?”

Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t like it, and I want to get a refund. You guys do that, right?”

Me: “No, unfortunately, we don’t give any refunds after the printed start time. It is written on the back of your tickets and on a few signs around the box office.”

Customer: “But the product was bad. I should be able to get a refund if the product was bad.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t make the movies; we just play them. If you disliked a movie, I recommend taking it up with the movie studio or the director. It was your choice to come see a movie and stay for the whole thing.”

Customer: “But it was an inferior product.”

Me: “This would be like if you bought a sleeve of cookies, ate all the cookies, and then decided — after you’d finished eating all the cookies — that you didn’t like them and wanted a refund.”

Customer: “No, it is nothing like that.”

Me: “Had you left the movie earlier, we’d have been able to give you a pass to come see another movie, but we wouldn’t have given you a refund. Our policies are clear and are written on at least two separate signs in our box office and on the back of every ticket.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not right. I want to speak to your manager.”

Me: “Sir, as of Friday, I am a supervisor here. I’ve worked for this company for two years and know the policy like the back of my hand.”

(The customer’s girlfriend walks over to him, drags him by the arm out of the theater, and says something along the lines of ,“You’re embarrassing me,” and, “The girl’s right.” Then, my future manager, who also happens to be a close friend of mine, comes up to me having heard the whole thing.)

Manager: “Isn’t it so nice when you get to tell them you’re the person in charge?”

Me: “[Manager], you have no idea how much I loved finally getting to say that.”

(I work in a movie theater. Our popper needs some maintenance work one morning, meaning it will take about ten minutes after we open before we have popcorn. I cringe, knowing what’s about to happen.)

Customer #1: “Large popcorn.”

Me: “I apologize, but our popper is having some quick maintenance work this morning, so there will be about a ten-minute wait before we have popcorn ready.”

Customer #1: “This is ridiculous! A movie theater without popcorn?!”

Me: “We do, indeed, have popcorn; we just needed to do some quick maintenance work on the popper this morning—”

Customer #1: *interrupting* “This is disgraceful…. disgraceful! Movie theaters should have popcorn!”

([Customer #1] storms off.)

Customer #2: “Did I just hear this theater doesn’t have popcorn?”

Me: “We do; it’ll just be about ten minutes, because the popper needs some quick maintenance work.”

Customer #2: “How can a movie theater not have popcorn?! This is stupid!”

([Customer #2] storms off.)

Customer #3: “Small popcorn, please.”

Me: “I apologize, but the popper is having some quick maintenance work done. We should have it back up within ten minutes. I can ring you up now and deliver it to your seat, if you’d like.”

Customer #3: “There’s no popcorn?! This is a movie theater, you know!”

Me: “Yes, I am aware of that. And we do have popcorn; it’ll just be a few minutes.”

Customer #3: “Don’t you r*****s know that movie theaters are supposed to have popcorn?! I want a refund! I came here specifically wanting popcorn and skipped breakfast because of it! Now, I’ll go hungry, and it’s your fault!”

(It took every ounce of patience to not hurl the 50-pound bags of popcorn kernels we have on the counter just to prove we did have popcorn.)

(My company manufactures office furniture, and I field a lot of questions from customers who have been browsing our website. We have online distributors, but we also sell direct to the end user, so prices are shown on the website. We still get calls inquiring about prices pretty often, though. I missed a call while at lunch, and the customer left a voicemail asking for a follow-up call for a price quote. I call back.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] from [Company], returning your call. I understand you were looking for a price quote. By chance, did you write down the part number, or the collection the item was from?”

Customer: “No, but it was $300.”

Me: “Oh, so, you found it after you called, then?”

Customer: “No, I had already looked it up when I called.”

Me: *long pause* “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “Nope. Have a good day!”

(All right, then.)

(Today is the day customers come in to pick up rental Easter Bunny costumes. I’m helping a man in his mid-60s, from a church, pick up his bunny. A coworker is helping another customer pick up her bunny.)

Man: *to fellow customer* “You look like you should be picking up the Playboy version of that costume.”

(Stunned silence from the three women at the counter: the customer, my coworker, and me.)