(I work for a very large electronics retailer. My department is accounts receivable, so I mainly deal with giant corporations, government offices, or schools. Every once in a while a regular customer gets transferred to our department by mistake; either they enter the wrong extension or someone in the company who doesn’t know any better sends them to us. It’s usually not such a big deal, as we can access the entire company system and can generally help with order status, payment problems, refunds, etc. But we cannot do anything that relates to actual sales like selling things, taking returns, or things like that. This happens after a customer calls into my direct extension.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Accounts Receivable] department. My name is [Slightly Uncommon Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: You sold me a broken camera! I was at an extremely important event last night with [Famous Actor] and [Famous Politician], and when I checked my camera today I couldn’t access any of my pictures! You better fix this right now!”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that your camera isn’t working right. May I transfer you to tech support or customer service, as they can help you with this problem? You are speaking to accounts receivable and unfortunately, I can’t help with this problem. I don’t even know anything about cameras.”

Customer: “Your name is [My Name], right?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Then I’m speaking to the right person! You sold me this camera! I remember your name!”

(My company has over 2000 employees; it’s very possible that some of us have the same name.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but as I said, I work in accounts receivable. I don’t sell any of our products. I don’t even know what most of our products are, let alone how to work or fix them. Now, it sounds to me like you went to a very prestigious event, and I don’t want you to lose your photos; please allow me to transfer you to someone who can help!”

Customer: “You f****** b****! You just don’t want to deal with me yourself! You know you sold me a broken piece of s*** and now you don’t want to take responsibility! Well, guess what. I know your father! Bet you didn’t know about that! Wait until he hears how you treat customers! He will punish you!”

Me: *thinking* “You’re claiming you know my father? I’m not sure how that is relevant, as I am an adult who does not live at home.” *out loud* “I am very sorry that you feel like you are being mistreated. Once again, you have called into the accounts receivable department; if you will give me a moment I may be able to find out exactly who sold you the camera.”

Customer: *starts screaming and cursing*

(I put him on mute and begin to search our company directory to see if there is someone in sales with my name. Lo and behold, there is someone from our sales team who shares my name. Her phone status says she isn’t currently taking customer calls, which also helps explain how the customer got to me. I was the only available person with my name when he called in.)

Me: *to my coworker* “Hey, I know you aren’t taking calls right now, but I have someone calling in that says I sold him a faulty camera and, as I don’t work in sales, I figure he probably meant to speak with you. Also, fair warning, he’s pissed and claims he knows your father.”

Coworker: “Oh, boy. Is it [Customer]?”

Me: *after checking caller ID* “Yes, how did you know?”

Coworker: “He knows my husband, not my father, and he always tells him to punish me after he buys anything from me. Apparently, I only sell him faulty stuff. I bet he didn’t put his memory card in the camera.”

Me: “Can I transfer him to you? He probably won’t notice that he’s speaking to a different person.”

Coworker: “Sure! Let me just change my status to available and then send him my way.”

(I check on the customer and he’s still yelling, so I take him off mute.)

Me: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I found the other [My Name], and she’s willing to take your call. I’m transferring you now.”

Customer: “DON’T YOU DARE TRANSFER ME, YOU B—“

(I transferred him. Coworker, I’m so sorry you had to deal with him! I hope you were able to resolve his camera issues!)

(I’m at a sushi restaurant with some friends. The restaurant has an all-you-can-eat deal which includes most of the items on the menu, but there is a small additional charge for certain premium dishes. We order our food, enjoy the meal, and everything seems fine. Then the bill comes. We notice that we’ve been charged for two premium dishes that none of us ordered or ate, so one of my friends calls the waiter over.)

Friend: “There are two [dishes] on our bill that we didn’t order.”

Waiter: “Not possible. Everything is entered into the computer as soon as it’s ordered. You must have forgotten what you ate.”

Friend: “We remember very well what we ate. None of us ate these things, and we will not pay for food we didn’t eat.”

Waiter: “If you aren’t willing to pay the bill as it is, I’ll have to get the manager.”

Friend: “Please do.”

(The manager never materializes, but the waiter returns a few minutes later.)

Waiter: “The manager has agreed to take those items off your bill, but please understand that we will not do this for you again. Next time, you will have to pay closer attention to what you order.”

Me: “Next time we’ll go to a different restaurant.”

(I work in an independently-owned textbook store. We only sell textbooks, and only specific textbooks that professors order through us. A LOT of people have a problem understanding this. It is in between semesters so we have very, very little in stock at the moment. A customer has called to check if a book is in stock.)

Customer: “Do you have this book, [Textbook]? Yes, please let me know if you have it in stock. Yes, it is [Textbook] by [Author].

Me: “Unfortunately, we do not have that in stock right now. Sorry.”

Customer: “Yes. Tell me where I will get this book. I need [Textbook] by [Author], edition number 10, from [year]. Yes, you will tell me where I can get this.”

Me: “Well, I know none of our other stores have it in stock right now. Did you try [Local College’s school store]?

Customer: “This business is closed for two days. Where else can I get this book, [Textbook]? Tell me where else.”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir. Have you tried [Other Big Box Store that sells textbooks]?”

Customer: “Yes. You want to help me because I am a customer, and so, yes you need to tell me where to get this book. Yes, you are ignoring me and you need to help me.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not ignoring you; I just don’t have thi—”

Customer: “I want to speak with your manager.”

Me: “I am the manager, sir.”

Customer: “No. I want to speak to a manager. You are ignoring me. Sometimes you people just ignore your customers, but I need this book and you need to help me because I am a customer and you should want to help me.”

Me: “Um… Did you try [Yet Another Big Box Store]?”

Customer: “Yes. Why are you not helping me?! I am your customer and you need to tell me where this book is.”

(He keeps interrupting me to rant on about how I am ignoring him and how he is my customer and needs this book and I should be helping him. I am obviously getting a bit irritated as, at this point, he is not technically MY customer and I have tried to help him as best I can, even suggesting the bigger stores that are running my company out of business.)

Customer: “Tell me if [College store that apparently is closed] has this for me.”

Me: “I can’t look that up for you, sir. You could try calling their other branch.”

Customer: “Yes, then tell me [Other Branch] has this book. Yes, you will do this.”

Me: “I can’t, sir; I don’t work there. You’d have to call them.”

Customer: “Yes, you need to help me because I am your customer. You need to help me and you are ignoring me. Yes, I need help to find this book!”

(He goes on and on and on like this. He won’t let me speak and when he does he seems to ignore what I just said and continue his rant. This has been about a ten-minute phone call by this point and I am fed up.)

Me: “Okay, thank you for calling. Have a great day!” *click*

(I have recently started working at a restaurant as a waitress. About halfway through my shift one evening, a group of four men are seated in my section. I head over to take their drink orders.)

Me: “Hello there. My name is [My Name] and I’m going to be your waitress tonight. Can I start you all off with something to drink?”

Customer#1: “Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing!”

Customer #2: “Good thing the ol’ wives aren’t here, or we’d be in trouble tonight!”

Me: “…”

(I’m feeling uncomfortable, but I do my job and take their orders. When I return to the table to hand them their drinks, I notice [Customer #2] looking me up and down with a creepy grin. He scoots to the side of the booth and leans over, hand out-stretched, clearly intending to slap me on the butt. I leap to the side as he swings, causing him to miss his target and lose his balance, sending him tumbling to the floor. As he pulls himself off the ground, he begins yelling at me.)

Customer #2: “You little b****, how dare you?! You flaunt yourself around in those f****** tight pants and can’t take the consequences? You’re a f****** teasing b****!” *shoves my shoulders* “Get me your manager! Now, b****!”

(My supervisor runs over to the scene and places a protective arm around me.)

Supervisor: “Sir, you need to calm down.” *turns to me* “Go take your break, I’ll handle this.”

(I run to the back and take my break. My supervisor kicks the men out of the restaurant. When I arrive for my shift the next day, the manager calls me into his office to speak with me.)

Manager: “Now, [My Name], I heard about what happened last night. So, consider this your first warning. If it happens again, you will be written up for it.”

Me: “What? What am I trouble for?”

Manager: “You made some loyal customers very angry and lost us a lot of money. We had to give them a gift card for their trouble.”

Me: “What?! He tried to sexually assault me!”

Manager: “[My Name], don’t turn this into one of those ordeals. You know what really happened.”

Me: *stunned silence*

Manager: “Situations like these are just what comes with being a waitress. The guys can’t help it, so you need to get used to it.”

Me: “I quit.”

(I walked out of his office and right out the door. I’ve never gone back.)

(My father happens to be totally blind, and he and his rabbi are visiting my mother in the hospital where she is being treated for cancer. Besides being blind, my father is able-bodied. The rabbi walks with a very defined limp.)

Father: “Thank you for driving me here, Rabbi. I just wanted to warn you that the nurses here must think people walk and hear with their eyes. They’re going to offer me a wheelchair, and they’ll address any questions to you.”

Rabbi: “What? I’m sure they won’t.”

Father: “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

(The rabbi and my father walk into the hospital and go to sign in as visitors. Immediately…)

Nurse: “Wait here while I call someone to bring a wheelchair.”

Rabbi: “It’s okay; I can manage the elevator without it.”

Nurse: “What? Oh, no, it’s not for you. It’s for him.”

Father: “I don’t need a wheelchair, really.”

Nurse: *to the rabbi* “Are you sure he’ll be okay without it?”

Rabbi: *to my father, after they manage to turn down the wheelchair and head for the elevator* “You were right!”