Can Only Count To Two

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2017

(This happens at least once every day, without fail.)

Customer: *walking up to me, confused* “What theater is my movie in?”

Me: “Can I see your ticket?”

(The customer hands me their ticket, which has the theater number printed in large, bold text that takes up more than a third of the ticket.)

Me: “That’d be theater number four. For future reference, it’s right here on the ticket.”

Customer: *annoyed* “Well, how should I know that?!”

Me: “Because it’s right there on the ticket?”

Customer: *sighs* “Whatever.”

(There is a brief, awkward pause.)

Me: “Is there something else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Where is theater number four?”

(I point to the theater, which is clearly marked with large numbers on either side of the doors and a large sign with the name of the movie playing.)

Me: “It’s right there, sir. The one marked ‘Theater #4.'”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!”

(One of these days, I swear, I’m going to respond with what I’m really thinking: “Because, unlike you, I ACTUALLY USE my basic powers of observation like a responsible adult. Do I need to hold your hand and walk you to your seat as well?”)

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Unfiltered Story #99172

, , | Unfiltered | October 30, 2017

(The customer is at least 80 years old and leaning on a cane. I immediately had a problem with him when he swore up and down and sideways that the item he was returning was purchased at the store. It clearly had a sticker on it from a well-known housewares store.)

Customer: “Where in the h*** are your wheelchair carts?”

Me: “Sir, all our four carts are being used by other customers at this moment.”

Customer: “Well, you should have more carts. I haven’t been f***ed this easily all my life.”

Me: “…”

(The customer was so irate over this he walked away without his cane.)

An Alarming State Of Alarm Recognition

, , , , | Learning | October 27, 2017

(When we have a fire drill in our elementary school, a steady tone is sent over the public address system. A warbling tone is used for duck and cover drills. This is the system we use for the six years I attend that school. One day, in fourth grade, we hear a strange tone in the hall:)

PA System: “ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK.” *pause* “ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK.”

Student #1: “What’s that sound?”

Student #2: “I don’t know; never heard it before.”

Student #3: “I think it’s the fire alarm.”

Student #4: “Don’t be silly; the fire alarm goes ‘ooooooooh’ over the PA system.”

(The teacher looked as mystified as we were. Eventually the sound stopped. We never found out what it was. Jump ahead a few years. The first week in junior high school, we hear the same alarm out in the hall. Most of the kids jump up and begin to leave the room. This is how I learned this was the sound made when someone pulled the fire alarm in the hallways. For six years, we could have burned up in a real fire because we were never taught what a true fire alarm sounded like.)

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A Decent Blessing Is Nothing To Sneeze At

, , , , | Learning | October 27, 2017

(I am laying in my dorm room in the early afternoon, done with classes for the day. My window faces the front of the building and is almost always open, so I hear strangers passing by quite often.)

Person Outside: *sneezes loudly*

Me: *shouting* “Bless you.”

Person Outside: *shouts back* “Thank you.”

(To make everything even better, my curtains were closed the whole time, so neither of us ever saw the other.)

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Party To Your Demands

, , , , | Right | October 26, 2017

Customer: “I need to book a birthday party. How much advance notice do you need?”

Me: “Okay, we can do that. We need at least one week of advance notice.”

Customer: “Well, that won’t work! I need it to be next Sunday!”

Me: “No, that’s fine. That’s a week, so we can do that.”

Customer: “What time is my party going to be?”

Me: “We have one spot open that day. Our only available spot for [date] is 10:00 to 11:45.”

Customer: “Well, that won’t work at all! We have a very important church event that morning. What other times do you have?”

Me: “There are three other parties going on here that day. The 10:00 am spot is the only one open.”

Customer: “What if we did it earlier in the day? Can’t I do that?”

Me: “We open at 10:00.”

Customer:You are inconveniencing me! Fine, what about Saturday?”

(I check the system, and see that we have three parties on Saturday as well. I groan inwardly because I can just tell this is going to be a problem for this customer. Also, I shouldn’t be booking a party less than a week in advance, but I figure that since it is nearly a week, my boss won’t mind too much.)

Me: “There are three parties Saturday as well, but there are two spots open. You could book your party from 4:00 to 5:45 or from 6:00 to 7:45.”

Customer:Ugh! This is not going to work for me! You people are very inconvenient about this; it’s like you don’t even want people to have their parties here!”

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