(A woman and her young daughter are looking at an advertisement for ebooks. The girl looks about nine years old.)
Daughter: “Oh, look, mom! They have Life of Pi!”
Mother: “What’s that?”
Daughter: “It’s a movie. They have a book version of it now!”
Mother: “Oh, okay.”
Daughter: “Yeah, I liked it. It was really funny. But serious, too! But funny. But serious.”
(I work at a paint and sip bar. On Mondays and Tuesdays, I watch over the shop to answer phones, clean up, etc. I am not the owner but they trust me enough to be alone on these days, so I don’t have a set lunch break. Since they don’t take a lunch break out of my pay I usually eat at the desk and answer emails at the same time. I also sit there in case anyone comes in to ask a question. Most of the time when this happens they ask really quickly, notice my lunch, and then just take a pamphlet and leave me alone which is really nice. This happens when I am waiting for my lunch to cool off after just reheating it. Note, it is in a Tupperware container, not a take-out container.)
Customer: *as they are coming in the door* “What is it that you all do here exactly?”
Me: “Well, it’s a paint and sip bar, so we do public classes and private parties where people follow along step by step with an instructor, and there is a bar with wine and beer over there in the back.”
Customer: *eyeing my still-steaming lunch* “Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. Your lunch smells good. What Chinese place did you get that from?”
Me: “Oh, I made it last night; it’s leftovers from dinner.”
Customer: “You can’t just make Chinese food. You aren’t Chinese; you wouldn’t know how. You don’t have to tell me, but maybe I won’t come to your classes since you obviously aren’t helpful.” *leaves with a pamphlet still in hand*
Me: *to myself* “What? Okay.”
(I work part-time at a small wine shop that also sells a selection of spirits. We get all sorts of customers, from those who just want a cheap bottle to go with dinner to those who want to get a bit spendier.)
Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for tequila, I think…”
Me: “Okay, well, here’s our tequila wall right over here. We have a great selection.”
Customer: *spots a bottle on a high shelf* “What’s the price on that?”
Me: “$140.”
Customer: “I’ve seen it elsewhere in the city for half that.”
Me: *not sure what her point is* “Okay.”
Customer: “I’ll give you $100 for it.”
Me: *laughs unsure if she’s kidding* “Um… yeah, we don’t… haggle here. The price is set by my boss.”
Customer: “Okay.”
(She left without buying anything.)
This story is part of our Hagglers roundup.
Read the next Hagglers roundup story!
Read the Hagglers roundup!
(Our company is renowned for its printing services, which includes everything from old-fashioned film development for individuals to wrapping buildings for major corporations. Our retail department — the “walk-in” part of the store — sees roughly 100 customers a day. And yet, this happens quite frequently. A customer approaches the counter.)
Me: “Hi there! How can I help you?”
Customer: “I’m picking up my order.”
Me: “Okay, great, do you have your reference number?”
Customer: “It’s three 4×6 prints and a roll of film.”
Me: “Okay, great! Do you have your reference number?”
Customer: “They’re pictures of two men, fishing.”
Me: “Okay, let’s start with your name.”
Customer: “I brought them in two days ago. Three 4×6 photos. Glossy?”
Me: “Sir… we have over 400 orders back there in filing. They’re not sorted by size or image; they’re sorted by number. So… let’s start with your name and I will look up your number, please?”
(I work for a very large electronics retailer. My department is accounts receivable, so I mainly deal with giant corporations, government offices, or schools. Every once in a while a regular customer gets transferred to our department by mistake; either they enter the wrong extension or someone in the company who doesn’t know any better sends them to us. It’s usually not such a big deal, as we can access the entire company system and can generally help with order status, payment problems, refunds, etc. But we cannot do anything that relates to actual sales like selling things, taking returns, or things like that. This happens after a customer calls into my direct extension.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Accounts Receivable] department. My name is [Slightly Uncommon Name]; how can I help you?”
Customer: You sold me a broken camera! I was at an extremely important event last night with [Famous Actor] and [Famous Politician], and when I checked my camera today I couldn’t access any of my pictures! You better fix this right now!”
Me: “I’m so sorry to hear that your camera isn’t working right. May I transfer you to tech support or customer service, as they can help you with this problem? You are speaking to accounts receivable and unfortunately, I can’t help with this problem. I don’t even know anything about cameras.”
Customer: “Your name is [My Name], right?”
Me: “Yes?”
Customer: “Then I’m speaking to the right person! You sold me this camera! I remember your name!”
(My company has over 2000 employees; it’s very possible that some of us have the same name.)
Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but as I said, I work in accounts receivable. I don’t sell any of our products. I don’t even know what most of our products are, let alone how to work or fix them. Now, it sounds to me like you went to a very prestigious event, and I don’t want you to lose your photos; please allow me to transfer you to someone who can help!”
Customer: “You f****** b****! You just don’t want to deal with me yourself! You know you sold me a broken piece of s*** and now you don’t want to take responsibility! Well, guess what. I know your father! Bet you didn’t know about that! Wait until he hears how you treat customers! He will punish you!”
Me: *thinking* “You’re claiming you know my father? I’m not sure how that is relevant, as I am an adult who does not live at home.” *out loud* “I am very sorry that you feel like you are being mistreated. Once again, you have called into the accounts receivable department; if you will give me a moment I may be able to find out exactly who sold you the camera.”
Customer: *starts screaming and cursing*
(I put him on mute and begin to search our company directory to see if there is someone in sales with my name. Lo and behold, there is someone from our sales team who shares my name. Her phone status says she isn’t currently taking customer calls, which also helps explain how the customer got to me. I was the only available person with my name when he called in.)
Me: *to my coworker* “Hey, I know you aren’t taking calls right now, but I have someone calling in that says I sold him a faulty camera and, as I don’t work in sales, I figure he probably meant to speak with you. Also, fair warning, he’s pissed and claims he knows your father.”
Coworker: “Oh, boy. Is it [Customer]?”
Me: *after checking caller ID* “Yes, how did you know?”
Coworker: “He knows my husband, not my father, and he always tells him to punish me after he buys anything from me. Apparently, I only sell him faulty stuff. I bet he didn’t put his memory card in the camera.”
Me: “Can I transfer him to you? He probably won’t notice that he’s speaking to a different person.”
Coworker: “Sure! Let me just change my status to available and then send him my way.”
(I check on the customer and he’s still yelling, so I take him off mute.)
Me: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I found the other [My Name], and she’s willing to take your call. I’m transferring you now.”
Customer: “DON’T YOU DARE TRANSFER ME, YOU B—“
(I transferred him. Coworker, I’m so sorry you had to deal with him! I hope you were able to resolve his camera issues!)
