Customers Ensure There Is No Calm Before The Storm

, , , , | Right | May 7, 2017

(There’s a winter storm on the way that’s expected to dump about four feet of snow on us over the next few days starting around midnight. Naturally, schools and businesses are starting to pre-emptively close for the following day, especially as a state-of-emergency has just been issued and there’s early talk of a non-essential travel ban for non-emergency vehicles being issued the next day if it gets as bad as is being predicted. We have to make the call to close the theater down the following day due to the expected unsafe travel conditions and the potential for the travel ban, and we disable online ticketing sales for the next days. We’re also told not to sell advance tickets for the next few days in-theater. At the tail-end of my shift, a woman comes barging into the theater, clearly miffed.)

Me: “Hey there. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I can’t believe this! I had to drive 45 minutes to get here because your stupid website isn’t working! Do you know how inconvenient that is?!”

Me: “Oh, jeez. I’m sorry. Well, what can I get for you.”

Customer: “I need six tickets for [Movie] tomorrow afternoon!”

Me: “Oh, I understand. Unfortunately, our website is not allowing guests to purchase tickets for tomorrow as the theater won’t be open with the winter storm hitting tonight.”

Customer: “What?! No. You’re open!”

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, management has already made the call. We won’t be open tomorrow, and it’s possible it will be a few days before we can safely open back up. The storm is supposed to be pretty bad. They’re even talking about issuing a travel-bad for non-emergency personnel.”

Customer: “No, I’m telling you that you’re open, because I’m telling you to sell me tickets. And I expect someone to be here to let me in!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not going to be possible, ma’am. I’m really sorry.”

Customer: *seething* “No. You don’t understand. I give you cash now. You sell me tickets. I come in tomorrow. And you have to be here to let me in. I don’t give a damn about the weather. I don’t give a damn about some non-existent ‘travel-ban.’ And I don’t give a damn about how hard it is for you. You have to be here to let me in to see [Movie]. I promised my kids they’ll be seeing [Movie] tomorrow. And you’re not stopping me. Comprendé?”

Me: “I understand your frustration, but there’s really nothing I can do. We’re not allowed to sell tickets for tomorrow as we’re not going to be open.”

Customer: “JUST SELL ME THE F****** TICKETS!”

Me: “Ma’am, please do not swear. This is a family establishment. And it’s completely out of my hands. I cannot sell you tickets.”

Customer: “Yes, you can, and you will! And YOU better be here tomorrow! If you are going to be so f****** difficult, YOU are going to be the one to suffer!”

(I’ve had about enough, so I get my manager and explain the situation. He gets a devilish smile and gives me the go-ahead to sell her tickets — but only on the condition that she acknowledges that she will not get a refund if we’re not open that day — which is a decision that was already made. I go back to the customer, and she seems ecstatic that she’s “won,” and immediately agrees with the condition.)

Customer: *as she leaves; beaming* “See you tomorrow! Remember, YOU better be the one to be here!”

(I didn’t see her the following day… or the next few days as the weather got so bad, the theater was closed until the weekend, along with basically every other business in the area. And I asked my manager… she apparently never came back. Hopefully because she realized how insane she was.)

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Doesn’t Have The Head For This Kind Of Work

, , , , , | Buffalo, NY, USA | Right | August 25, 2016

(I work as a dispatcher for my hometown.)

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “My husband has been lying on the couch moaning in pain all day; I think he needs to go to the hospital. My address is [Address].”

Me: “Okay, an ambulance is on the way. Did your husband eat anything unusual today?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Does he have any allergies?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where did he say the pain is coming from?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, but did he do anything unusual today that could cause his pain?”

Caller: “Um, well, he shot himself in the head this morning.”

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Poorly Perceived

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2013

(I work at a restaurant in a very rich town, in which I also live. I am getting my hair done at a ‘posh’ salon when I see one of my regulars from the restaurant sitting in the first chair.)

Me: “Hello Mrs. [Customer]. Good to see you.”

Customer: “Oh, hel— Aren’t you my waitress from the place down the road?”

Me: “Yes, I am. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I didn’t know people like you were allowed in a place like this.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(At this point my stylist comes over to bring me to her station.)

Customer: *to stylist* “Honey, did you know this girl is a waitress? Are you sure she has enough money to pay? You may want to check before you start serving her.”

Stylist: “Ma’am, [My Name] has been a client here for two years. She’s very reliable.”

Customer: “Oh, my. What a waste of money. Poor girls like you should not be wasting their money on things like this. Don’t you have a child to care for or something of the like?”

(At this point everyone in the salon is quite uncomfortable and is staring at the three of us.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, Mrs. [Customer]. I actually only work at the restaurant because I don’t like to spend my time being unproductive. You see, I am a college student at [Very Prestigious College]. I am currently studying to be a biomedical engineer, which I’ll have you know is the second top grossing career currently. And since it seems to matter to you so much, I’m quite financially comfortable! And even if I were a poor waitress, as you so kindly suggested, people are free to do whatever they like with the money they work so hard for! Your husband comes in twice a week to get coffee and sit at our counter and complain about you! So really, Mrs. [Customer], I’m very, very sorry for you.”

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Should Have Stolen Some Military Intelligence

, , , , , , | Right | November 29, 2013

(I’m working at the service desk of a large retailer when I’m called into the security office by the asset control associate while he detains and questions a female who was caught shoplifting. I walk in and the woman is obviously in her early 20s. She’s sitting there trying to force out the most fake sobbing I’ve ever seen. Her boyfriend has come in to support her, but at the moment he has to wait outside the room.)

Coworker: “All right, well, the police are on the way and the store manager is on her way up—”

Shoplifter: “No! Please! You can’t do this! I can pay for the stuff!”

Coworker: “Miss, you tried stealing $300 worth of electronics.”

Shoplifter: “No, you don’t get it! I can pay for it! I was just… I wasn’t thinking! I’ve been really stressed!”

Coworker: “Stressed enough to try and walk out the front door with groceries covering a Blu-ray player?”

Shoplifter: “Please! I can pay!”

Coworker: “You had a chance to pay for it when you went through the cash register to pay for your groceries, and you had a chance to pay for it when you walked through the store again, picked it up, and walked right by MORE registers to leave with it.”

Shoplifter: “I just… You’re wearing dog tags, right?! What military branch?”

Coworker: “Marines.”

Shoplifter: “Please! My boyfriend is a marine, too! He just got back from Afghanistan!”

Coworker: “Really?”

(My coworker stands up, opens the door, and looks to her boyfriend who is still standing there waiting.)

Coworker: “Hey, what military branch are you in?”

Boyfriend: “Huh? I just finished boot camp for Air Force.”

Coworker: “Thanks.”

(My coworker shuts the door, and stares at the shoplifter accusingly.)

Coworker: “Air Force boot camp? Really? That’s cheap, miss.”

Shoplifter: “SAME THING!”

Coworker & Me: “It really isn’t.”

Shoplifter: “You guys suck! This is so stupid! Let me pay for it! Don’t call the cops! Please!”

Coworker: “Too late. Speaking of the police, your chariot awaits.”

(The store manager decided to press charges as it turned out she’d stolen from other stores in the area.)

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Displacing An Order

, , , , , | Right | November 25, 2013

(I am at a local Chinese restaurant to pick up food for my office. I have done a lot of business with these folks. The young lady working seems to have trouble with her English. As I wait, another customer walks in the door.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m picking up my order my wife placed 20 minutes ago.”

Worker: “I am sorry. I have no order.”

(The customer starts getting angry, and the worker is getting upset and trying her best to accommodate him.)

Customer: “This is un-f******-believable. You people are ridiculous!”

Worker: “I am so sorry. I will make your food. What did you order?”

Customer: “You people need to get your s*** together. You need to learn how to COMMUNICATE!”

(The customer calls his wife.)

Customer: “Yeah, honey? I’m at [Chinese restaurant] getting our food. They screwed up and didn’t, wait, what? Okay…”

(The customer hangs up, suddenly looking very timid.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m at the wrong place.”

(I feel the need to comment.)

Me: “Looks like you need to learn how to COMMUNICATE.”

(I then grab my food, tip the worker a comfortable amount, and walk out. I can see the smirk on her face, and the embarrassment radiating from the customer.)

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