Cheesing You Off, One Lactose At A Time

, , , , , | Working | December 7, 2017

(My dad, brother, and I offer to pick up a quick dinner for my mom, who is home and has to go to work soon. My dad pulls up to the speaker of a fast food restaurant. My mom has a very severe milk allergy [not just lactose intolerance], so she only gets plain hamburgers, no cheese.)

Dad: *into the speaker* “Hi, can I get a #1 combo, just ketchup? And no cheese on the burger.”

Worker #1: “No problem. A hamburger combo, plain just ketchup?”

Dad: “Yes, and no cheese. My wife is allergic.”

Worker #1: “Okay. Your total is [total]. Please pull forward.”

(We get up to the window to pay, and [Worker #1] hands my dad the receipt. He double checks it and it says “#1 combo-ketchup and cheese”. He gets [Worker #1’s] attention.)

Dad: “The receipt says cheese on the burger. I need it to be plain with just ketchup.”

Worker #1: “Uh… yeah. It’ll be without cheese.” *slams window shut*

(When the worker returns, he gives us the bag. My dad pulls ahead a bit and asks my brother to check the sandwich. Sure enough, it has ketchup and what appears to be cheese that was hastily scraped off. No one is behind him, so he reverses back to the pick up window. [Worker #1] is speaking with someone at the speaker, so we wait. After taking the other order, he looks at my dad, rolls his eyes and ignores him. My dad takes the burger from the bag, and holds it out the window, waving it around. Finally [Worker #1] opens the window.)

Dad: “You said it wouldn’t have cheese, but this clearly has cheese you just scraped off.”

([Worker #1] takes the burger, throws it at an inside trash can, hard, and walks away without a word. After a moment, [Worker #2] comes back with a new burger.)

Worker #2: “Here you go, sir. Sorry about that. This one has no cheese.” *My dad starts to unwrap it to check.* “Oh, you don’t need to check, I made that myself. No cheese.”

Dad: “Yeah, that’s what the last guy said. My wife is extremely allergic to milk, so if this had cheese your restaurant would have a real problem on your hands.”

Worker #2: “Well, this one has no cheese. Good night.” *She shuts the window and walks away.*

(My dad is known to ask for a manager and rightfully complain when situations like this happen [and unfortunately these happen to him an a regular basis, and he is not one to suffer fools]. But because my mom was working soon he decided against it this time. Later, he did the customer survey explaining what happened, and was offered a free combo. His response to them: “I’ll vote for [despised president] before I eat at your restaurant again.”)

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One Bjorn Every Minute

, , , , | Healthy | December 6, 2017

(My husband and I have chosen a name for our child that is rare in our area. We’ve also gone with an older variant of its spelling which has a near silent letter. For the sake of the story let’s say it is Bjorn. Our doctor’s office does confirmation calls for our newborn visits.)

Receptionist: “This is a reminder call from [Family Doctor]’s office that ‘Bejorn’ has an appointment tomorrow at nine am.”

Me: *repeating back as an excuse to give pronunciation* “Bjorn—” *j sounds like a y* “—appointment tomorrow at nine am. Got it. Thank you.”

(At the appointment the receptionist calls for ‘Bejorn.’ I ponder a moment if it is better to correct the pronunciation or let it go. I smile and decide to say something so it doesn’t continue to pop up.)

Me: “It’s actuality Bjorn with the j being a y sound.”

(The receptionist doesn’t seem put off and the rest of the visit goes smoothly. Our family doctor is already familiar with the name having also been the one to deliver him. I’m getting a rare moment of sleep when the office calls to confirm my newborn’s next appointment. The voicemail made me laugh.)

Receptionist: “Hi this is [Receptionist] from [Family Doctor]’s office calling to remind you that…” *long pause where you could almost hear them thinking* “…your SON has an appointment tomorrow at 11 am.”

(Well played.)

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Chatbot Malfunction

, , , | Working | December 4, 2017

(I am on an online support chat with my service provider, and this little exchange happens around the end of it.)

Customer Service: “In the meantime, one quick question: how has your overall experience been with [Service Provider] so far?”

Me: “Not too bad, I suppose. The bill seems to be rising steadily with every moment, which has me a bit worried.”

Customer Service: “[Service Provider] always strives to provide the best service experience to our beloved customers.”

Me: “…Uh.”

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Not Suited To The Task

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2017

(I am walking into my job, carrying my purse and lunchbox and wearing a jacket over my store t-shirt. A customer watches me walk in and then approaches me.)

Customer: “Hey, can you help me?”

Me: “Um, this isn’t my department. Why don’t I get someone from the Men’s Department over here for you.”

Customer: “But I need help with this suit now, not in half an hour!”

Me: “I’m sure I can get someone over here quickly. I really don’t know anything about the suits and I am not even clocked in yet.”

Customer: “But you work here, so you should be able to help me.”

Me: *getting desperate* “I can’t carry my things around the store. Security doesn’t like that.”

Customer: “I’m sure it will be fine. Now, does this suit come in black or gray? I need a 34.”

Me: “I really don’t know.” *I catch sight of a coworker who actually works in the suit section* “[COWORKER]! Could you please help this gentleman find a suit?”

Customer: “No, I asked you to help me, not to pawn me off on someone else.”

Me: “Sir, I really don’t know anything about the suits. [Coworker] knows everything about them, and she can certainly help you much more than I can.”

(I turned and practically ran to the break room. Later on my manager said that the man had complained about my attitude, and about the fact that I was carrying my purse and lunch bag around the store.)

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Putting The Airy Into Dairy

, , , | Right | November 29, 2017

Customer: “Hi, what types of dairy do you have here?”

Me: “Our standard is 2%. We also have half and half, whole milk, nonfat, and heavy cream that we use for whip cream.”

Customer: “Seriously? You don’t have soy or almond milk? This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Umm, let me get you my supervisor.”

(I still do not understand how a grown woman does not know that dairy comes from a cow.)

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