(A customer calls shortly after we open to see if we have a notary on staff today. I tell him that we do, and she’s on the schedule until four. Around noon, she gets a call from her son’s elementary school and has to leave unexpectedly because he fell on the playground and broke his arm in three different spots. We put up our “Notary not available; we apologize for any inconvenience” signs. Around three-thirty, the man who called in the morning comes in.)

Customer: “I need a notary. I was told there would be one here.”

Me: “Unfortunately, she had to leave early today due to a family emergency.”

Customer: “I don’t care about her family! I need a notary!”

Me: “We don’t have right now. She’ll be back in tomorrow morning at eight, or if you did need one today, most banks do have them. There’s– “ *names three banks right in the same plaza* “If you’re a member, I believe they do it for free, but if you’re not, then there’s a small fee.”

Customer: “I’m not paying after you’ve inconvenienced me!”

Me: “Okay… There’s also a notary at city hall, which is at [address less than a five-minute drive away], and there’s no fee as long as you live in this county.”

Customer: “I’m not leaving until I get this notarized!”

(My coworker has been listening in the back the whole time and finally decides to come up and say something.)

Coworker: “You won’t be able to get that done here today and you can’t spend the night here, so I suggest you leave and get it done somewhere else.”

Customer: “I’M NOT LEAVING! I’M A PAYING CUSTOMER!”

Coworker: “Except that you’re not. We don’t have the service you need because our notary had a family emergency involving her young son.”

Customer: “I don’t care about her son! I—”

Coworker: “And I heard you say you weren’t going to pay anyway. I suggest you leave now or I’m going to call the police.”

Customer: “Fine! But I want options for where I can go and I want a discount coupon!”

Me: “Again, there are three different banks right in this same plaza who have notaries on staff. There’s also city hall. I think even [Pharmacy across the street] has one now.”

Customer: “I want realistic options! How far do you expect me to go?! This is the worst customer service I’ve ever experienced!”

Coworker: “[Bank #1] is two doors down from us. [Bank #2] is directly across the parking lot. [Bank #3] is on the other side of this same shopping plaza. City hall is literally less than five minutes away.”

Customer: “I’M LEAVING! I’M NOT LISTENING TO THIS! AND I’M WRITING YOU A TERRIBLE REVIEW!”

(He never did write the review, but he did contact corporate, who required us to reach out to the customer and apologize for the negative experience at our location and tell him that we hope we’ll see him back again soon.)

(I am in a copy shop. Sometimes, customers forget things at their workstation — their drive, their print card, etc. Anyone can print with any card, and a full one — good for 2000 pages of copying or print-outs — is worth $70. I find that someone has left their card in the slot I was going to use. I take it and go to a clerk.)

Me: “I found this card; the person using the computer before me must have forgotten it.”

Clerk: *warily* “And?”

Me: “I want to return it. Do you have a lost and found here?”

Clerk: “Yes, but…”

Me: “But what?”

Clerk: “Others don’t usually give them back.”

(I must have looked very perplexed at that, but the clerk smiled and took the card, saying she’d keep it safe until the owner came back. From that day on, all clerks recognized and smiled at me when I went into the shop, especially when I went to the main desk with found flash drives and cards while declaring that I wanted to give them back.)

(I work in a call center that handles enrollment for subsidized insurance. As the application is for government assistance, it is very thorough, and if the information doesn’t match what is in the State and Federal Data Sources, such as your tax return, you must send documentation as proof by a specific date. This is normal for income documentation. Toward the end of a call:)

Caller: “Okay, so, let me get this straight. MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER DOESN’T HAVE INSURANCE AND IS IN THE HOSPITAL, AND YOU ARE GOING TO DENY US OUR RIGHT TO MEDICAID UNTIL I SUBMIT PAYSTUBS?!”

Me: “We need to verify your income, because the income you stated does not match what is in the state a federal data sources. We need you to send your last four paystubs to verify your eligibility.”

Caller: “Why wasn’t I ever told about this?”

Me: “We have sent you multiple notices for the past two months and your account has been notated by multiple representatives that you have refused to send documentation.”

Caller: “Fine. When do I need to get the documents in by?”

(I see the due date is one day away and start to provide him with a fifteen-day extension of the due date.)

Me: “I see your due date is for tomorrow, so I’m—”

Caller: “THERE’S NO WAY I’M GETTING IT IN BY TOMORROW! ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME?!”

Me: “Sir, one moment, I’m…”

Caller: “No, I’ll tell you what, sir. I have a smartphone, a really, really smart phone.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “My phone shows me exactly where you are located and I’m going to come down to your office, beat the s*** out of you, and shoot up your office if you don’t activate this insurance now.”

(We take threats very seriously and are told to report them to security and remain on the line with callers.)

Me: “Okay, sir. Unfortunately, there is no way for you to know if we are in New York, Texas, or Saudi Arabia. But what I do know is that I have your name, phone number, date of birth, Social Security number, and your address. That’s all the information I need to file a police report; in this instance, you are threatening a government facility and I’m required to do so. However, because of your situation, I’m going to give you a choice. Number one: you can apologize, let me finish my sentence, and I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, or number two: I’ll disconnect and file that police report.”

(The client is now dead silent.)

Client: *stuttering* “I’m sorry. I’m just really nervous with my daughter.”

Me: “I understand that — I would be, too — but please think before threatening a government facility in the future. I was going to tell you that while the due date is for tomorrow, I’ve gone ahead and provided you with a fifteen-day extension of the due date and you can call back in eight days to ask for an additional one. Do you have any other questions for me?”

(We wrapped up the call and I never got talked to about it, even though the majority of our calls are monitored by quality assurance.)

(Sitting down with my friends after ordering some food, I see the following exchange from a young man who ordered just before us.)

Customer: “Man… what the f*** is this?!” *gets up and goes to the counter*

Cashier: “Can I help you with something, sir?”

Customer: “Why did you give me dark meat?! I specifically asked for a white-meat thigh!”

Cashier: *appearing thoroughly confused* “Sir, thighs are a dark meat. I cannot get you a white-meat thigh.”

Customer: “I can’t eat dark meat! You should know that!”

Cashier: “Sir? How am I supposed to know that? You ordered thigh meat.”

Customer: “Give me white meat!”

Cashier: “If you would like, we can replace your meal.”

Customer: “I don’t care what you can do! I can only eat white meat! Give me white meat!”

(The cashier quickly runs to the back and gets a fresh meal and hands it to him, free of charge.)

Customer: “That’s what I’m f****** talking about! Don’t ever let this s*** happen again!”

(The customer proceeded to sit down and eat both meals.)

I work the front desk of an economy hotel. It had been a busy week and an even more hectic Saturday. The lobby was packed with guests eating breakfast and housekeepers getting started. I was busy with checkouts and my manager, operations manager, and maintenance manager were in the back office. There was a sudden bang from the elevator; it sounded like a gun had gone off.

I’d had my head down so I had no idea what was happening. The managers came flying out of the office, looking panicked. I just pointed and said, “Elevator,” as the doors closed. They took off to the upper floors to see where it had stopped.

In the meantime, a housekeeper was standing in the lobby with a shocked look on her face saying nothing. The CFO of our company came in and asked me, “Where’s the naked fat guy that just ran in here?” Dumbfounded, I pointed and said again, “Elevator.” She, in turn, headed for the stairs.  

Remember the housekeeper? She had recovered and found her voice. She quietly said, “That dude was naked.”

My GM came back down and asked me to call the police, and then told me that the other managers and the CFO were up on the third floor watching the guy. Police came, the guy left — with his clothes on — and order resumed for the morning.

This man was about six tall and six feet wide, and none of us have any idea how he made it outside without his clothes with no one noticing.

Later that day, at the end of my shift, there was a family in the lobby waiting for some friends. We started talking and one of their sons started telling me all of their plans for the afternoon. Then, he stopped and asked, “Do you remember the naked guy this morning?” 

“Yes, I do!” I responded.

The guest then said, “That was inappropriate behavior and made me very uncomfortable.”

His parents started to smile and laugh because he was being so serious. They also told me that he hardly ever talks to strangers.

I told him, “Yes, it was inappropriate and, sweetie, ‘uncomfortable’ is putting it mildly, to say the least.”

The guest said, “He should be punished, maybe get a time out.”

I replied, “He did; he got kicked out and sent home, so we don’t have to deal with him anymore.”

The boy nodded and grew quiet again.

I have worked at this hotel for seven years and dealt with drunks and idiots, but he was my first — and hopefully my last — streaker. But I’m sad to say this was not the worst “inappropriate” behavior I have had to deal with.