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Help Is A New York Minute Away, Part 2

, , , , | Hopeless | March 4, 2017

I moved to New York City for graduate school immediately after graduating college. Less than a week after moving in, I go out for a walk and realize, when I get home, that I have lost my wallet. I had it in my back pocket and it must have fallen out. As dusk falls, I go out retracing my steps, searching for it, questioning my competence as a so-called independent adult.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes with an email alert from my school. Someone has found my wallet — complete with student ID. I’m not sure exactly what the process is, but my school apparently has some arrangement with the police, so the school sent me an email telling me my wallet was safely in a police cruiser at a nearby intersection.

I go to find the police car, practically limp with relief. Nothing is missing. Someone else had found my wallet and given it to them, and apparently, they had been able to contact me through my school — everything safely restored in less than an hour.

I know the stereotypes about New Yorkers, but there were a lot of steps in that system where people had to be thoughtful, observant, and helpful for that to work!


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Can’t Bridge That Knowledge Gap

, , , , , | Learning | January 24, 2017

(Our high school orchestra is on a trip to New York City and the teacher has hired a woman to point out information and facts about certain landmarks for the educational aspect of it. At this point, she is talking about the Brooklyn Bridge.)

Tour Guide: “John Roebling was one of the lead architects on the Brooklyn Bridge but for the life of me I can’t remember where he was from.”

Almost Every Student On The Bus: “Saxonburg!”

Tour Guide: “No, that’s not right. Oh, well, moving on…” *rambles on about something else*

(Our school is from Saxonburg and we literally have a park named after Roebling with a little Brooklyn Bridge model in the park.)


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Worst Possible Service

, , , , | Working | August 31, 2015

(I’m at a well-known ticket booth in Times Square to buy Broadway tickets for myself and a friend. My friend is particular about getting close seats.)

Me: “I’d like two tickets to [Show]. Do I have any choice about the location of the seats?”

Employee: “Well, the computer automatically gives ‘best available.’ But if you want, I can give you ‘worst available.'”

Me: “…”


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I’m Leaving Today…

, , , , , | Learning | January 25, 2015

(We are sketching in a required art appreciation class. As the school is geared toward math and science, most of the students are uninterested. Our teacher allows us to talk about whatever we like to maintain morale, as long as we finish the sketch.)

Student #1: “I think that’s a pretty common product. I’ve seen it at just about every bodega I’ve ever gone to.”

Student #2: “What’s a bodega?”

(The teacher points imperiously at the door.)

Teacher: “Get out. Leave New York City now.”

(Bodegas are a well-known type of convenience store, especially in New York City.)


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Actually WANTED A Red Wedding

, , , , | Related | July 17, 2014

(My grad school colleague is a true, bright redhead. She’s showing a bunch of us pictures of her family on her wedding day. All four of the sibs are redheads, the youngest boy with a huge red ‘fro. Her parents are both mousy brunettes.)

Me: “So… both your parents must carry one copy of the recessive gene for red hair.”

Colleague: “Yup.”

Me: “Which gives them a… one in four chance of ginger?”

Colleague: “Yup.”

Me: “Which they hit…”

Colleague: “Four times in a row. Yup.”

Me: “Your youngest brother looks like Carrot Top.”

Colleague: “Yup. It’s his style. My parents wanted him to shave it off for my wedding… I forbid him.”


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