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There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2012

(My boss is known for being very strict, and demanding ‘good customer relations.’ He reprimands us if we say things that he thinks are ‘unprofessional,’ which has forced us to be very formal with everyone who comes into the shop. Today, he’s running late.)

Customer: “Can I get a toasted everything bagel, and–” *turns to [Daughter]* “What do you want?”

Daughter: *about eight years old* “Poppy seeds and cream cheese!”

Customer: “…and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese.”

Co-worker: “Sure, here’s your poppy seed. Just give me a minute to toast the everything.”

Daughter: *after a few seconds* “Mommy…”

Customer: “We’re almost ready to go, dear, mommy just needs her bagel, too.”

Daughter: “Mommy… I  dropped my bagel and the cream cheese is dirty.”

Co-worker: “Don’t worry about it. Here’s a new one for free.”

Daughter: *very excited* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Customer: “Bagel bagel bagel bagel!”

Me: *handing the customer her bagel* “Here’s your BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Coworker: *joining in* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(Suddenly, my boss walks in the door. My coworker, the customer, and I all shut up and look embarrassed. The daughter doesn’t stop.)

Daughter: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Boss: “When in Rome. BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

All three of us: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(My boss is still serious, but whenever that customer comes in, he starts screaming ‘BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL’ over and over again!)

One Good Takeout Deserves Another

, , , , , | Right | December 25, 2011

(A few years ago, around noon on Christmas day, several dozen Chinese people walked into our Kosher deli-style restaurant, apparently in a group. One walked up to the front desk.)

Man: *softly* “Is it okay if we’re here?”

Hostess: “Yes, we serve everyone, but are you sure you’re in the right place?”

Man: “This is [Restaurant], right?”

Hostess: “Yes, sir, it is.”

Man: “Well, we figured since you Jews are all coming to our restaurants tonight, we’d return the favor.”

Hostess: *slightly shocked* “Thanks. Right this way… We’ll seat you!”

(…and they’ve been back every year since!)


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Ah, Fathers, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | December 10, 2010

(I’m stocking the shelves. A male customer with a small child of about four comes up to me and asks if there is a post office nearby. I tell him there is one a couple of blocks away. He looks at the clock, and then takes his son’s hand and prepares to walk out of the store. The child doesn’t want to go.)

Customer: *to the child* “Come on, we need to go to the post office. It’ll close soon.”

Child: “I want to look at toys.”

Customer: “We have to go now. We can come back later.”

Child: “You go. I’ll wait here and play.”

Customer: “You can’t.”

Child: “Why?”

Customer: “Because your dad will go to jail for that.”

(The child looks perplexed.)

Customer: *trying to explain* “Think smaller Christmas present. And you’ll have to stay with Grandma a lot.”

Related:
Ah, Fathers, Part 5
Ah, Fathers, Part 4
Ah, Fathers, Part 3
Ah, Fathers, Part 2
Ah, Fathers


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I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | October 28, 2010

(I am shopping at a retail store where employees don’t wear uniforms, but encourage their sales associates to wear clothes purchased from their store. I’ve picked up a shirt from a stack of folded clothes, looked at it, and folded it again. A woman comes up to me holding a scarf.)

Customer: “Do you have this in blue? I saw it in blue last week but now I can’t find it.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. But I think I just saw a salesperson over there.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you work here. I just saw you fold that shirt! If you can’t be bothered to help me, call someone else on your little radio or something. But don’t lie to me; I’m not stupid! Use your radio and find me a blue scarf!”

Me: “Listen, I don’t know what else I can tell you. I don’t have a radio to call someone as I do not work here.”

Customer: “Just stop it already! Someone needs to teach you how to treat customers with respect. Of course you work here; you are wearing clothes from the d*** store! I’m not stupid! Where is your manager?”

(I decide to ignore her and continue about my business. A couple of minutes later I hear a now familiar voice.)

Customer: “That girl right there. She didn’t want to help me, so she just pretended she didn’t work here.”

(I turn around and see the woman standing behind me with the store manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, this lady doesn’t work here. She is just a shopper like you.”

Customer: “But… she is wearing clothes from this store!”

Manager: *looking at me apologetically as I’m trying hard not to laugh* “A lot of people wear clothes from this store, ma’am. That’s the whole point of buying them. Our employees all wear a name tag; that’s how you can tell them apart from customers.”

Customer: “I think you are just covering for your employee because you know she messed up. This is unbelievable! I just wanted this scarf in blue! I am never shopping here again!”

(She turns around to leave. As she storms out, she spots another customer and yells at her.)

Customer: “I suppose you don’t work here either, huh?!”

Other Customer: *without batting an eye* “Nope. But I have that scarf in blue, and let me tell you; it’s gorgeous!”

Obviously Not A People Person

, , , , | Right | July 20, 2010

(We have booths at which we can only seat groups of three or more. There is a couple with their young child sitting in one. A couple comes in and I go to seat them.)

Me: “Hi, are you here to eat, or are you just having some drinks?”

Customer: “Eating. Can we take a booth?”

Me: “Sorry, but we need to save them for groups of three or more.”

Customer: “What about them?” *motions at the couple with their child*

Me: “They have three people sitting there.”

Customer: “What? Babies aren’t people!”