(I am a customer in this story. I have finished my shopping and am lined up at the self-serve checkouts to pay for my items. An elderly woman is standing in front of me when a checkout becomes free. She doesn’t seem to notice, so I politely point her towards the checkout, as the line is growing.)

Me: “Excuse me, but the checkout on the end is free.”

Lady: “I don’t know how to use these checkouts. Could you show me?”

(Although I’m in a bit of a rush, I offer my assistance, as the employee has been called to help with a problem at the service desk.)

Me: “Okay. We start by pushing the ‘shopping’ button.”

(I indicate where the button is, but the woman doesn’t make any attempt to press it. After waiting for about 30 seconds and showing her yet again, I press the button myself.)

Me: “Now, we scan your first item.”

(She hands me a can of tuna and I show her how to swipe the barcode.)

Lady: “Could you do it?”

(I proceed to scan the tuna and place it aside. The lady then hands me an avocado. I place it on the scale and press the “fruit & veg” button. The menu presents several options and I press the “avocado” button and enter the quantity.)

Lady: “Are you finished yet?”

Me: “Almost. Next, we press ‘pay.'”

(I do so. The machine asks if the customer has a rewards card.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”

(The woman hands me her card and a $10 note to pay. Upon scanning her card, her total comes up and I slide the note into the payment slot. It takes the money and asks if I want a receipt, and I press “yes.” The machine then ejects the woman’s change. I hand her both the receipt and the change and count out the change for her.)

Lady: “I gave you $10.”

Me: “Yes, and your change is $4.50.”

Lady: *now sounding annoyed* “But I gave you $10.”

Me: “May I please see the receipt?”

(She refuses, but I know that avocados are more than $1 each as they are only just coming into season. I politely tell the woman this and she looks at me suspiciously.)

Lady: “It’s one avocado!”

Me: “I understand but they are more than $1 each.”

Lady: “No. You’re wrong. Check it.”

Me: “I don’t work here. I’m a paying customer, like you.”

Lady: “Then why did you help me?”

Me: “You asked, and I don’t feel comfortable pushing in front of others.”

Lady: “Go to check, please.”

Me: “I’m a customer. I don’t work here.”

(The lady looked even more annoyed. It had now been almost ten minutes and I had an appointment to get to. Fortunately, the employee returned. I motioned for her to come over. She came over and assisted, but in the time I’d been helping out, the checkouts had filled and I was asked to proceed to the back of the line. Of course I was late for the appointment, and what should have been a five minute in-and-out took just over twenty minutes.)

(I’ve had several gum trees removed from my property at different times over the past few years, each by different companies. Every company I’ve dealt with has charged a fee to remove the logs. You obviously also have to pay for logs that you want to purchase from the shops… so if you have a use for them yourself, it would be insane to pay to remove them then pay to replace them when you want them. Some people don’t understand this, and like everything, people always want something for nothing. I work from home with my one-year-old. It gets pretty hectic, but she and I manage to have a pretty good time out of it. It does mean that sometimes it takes a while to get outdoorsy jobs done, though. We had a tree pulled down a few weeks back, and carting the loads from the front to back has taken some time as they’re massive and I just move a bit during my child’s nap. My husband is guiltless in this one, as he’s been absolutely swamped with work, so I have no problem doing it on my own, slowly. I get a knock on the door one day.)

Woman: “Are you using those logs?”

Me: “Um, hello! I will be, yes.”

Woman: “But they’ve been there weeks.”

Me: “Yes, they have.”

Woman: “Will you use them all? I want them.”

Me: “Sorry, but I will be using them all.”

Woman: “Do you have a fire? I have a fire. I need them.”

Me: “Sorry, but tough. I will be using them.”

Woman: “You could buy more.”

Me: “So could you.”

Woman: “What about that pile?”

Me: “They’re accounted for, too.”

Woman: “For your fire?”

Me: “For my friend. Look, sorry, but we’re going in circles here.”

Woman: “So, if they’re still there in a while, can I take them?”

Me: *thinking it’ll shut her up* “Yep, sounds good.”

(She promptly left, looking satisfied. And that’s the story of how I called in a favour for some babysitting so I could move around fifteen wheelbarrow loads around the back in one day. The muscles I’ve surely improved, not to mention the look I imagine on her face, made it totally worth it.)

(I’m serving in the drive-thru. We currently have a very popular deal on a large amount of chicken nuggets. The nuggets come with four dipping sauces. Any additional sauces cost 50 cents each. The customer has ordered the nugget deal and two large meals, with his total coming to over $40. This happens as I’m handing out his order.)

Customer: “Can I get two extra sauces?”

Me: “Sure, they’re 50 cents each.”

Customer: “I’ve just spent over $40!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the sauces cost us money, too. We can’t afford to give them away for free.”

Customer: *angrily* “I’ve just spent over $40! You’re still making a profit. I shouldn’t have to pay!”

(The customer angrily handed over some money for the extra sauce. While I was still trying to key it into the register and grab his sauce and change, he drove off, leaving me with double the amount he owed, and without his sauce. So, after making such a fuss over a miniscule amount of money, he paid double, and left without his sauce. Thanks for the tip!)

Customer: “Where are your tiles for sale?”

Me: “We don’t sell tiles, sir. We’re a bookstore.”

Customer: “The ones you advertised on your sign out front. It says you have tiles for sale. Well, where are they?”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid I have no idea of what you are speaking about. Again, we are a bookstore.”

Customer: “Well, one of your staff must be selling tiles, as you have it written on your sign.”

Me: “Let me just take a look at the sign, shall I?”

(I go outside and see written on the sign in big, clear letters, “New TITLES for sale,” along with our masthead of “BOOKSTORE.”)

Customer: “So, you don’t have any tiles, then?”

(A church associate has decided for me that she will be driving me to and from an event at another church. It’s a terrifying two-hour drive there as I find out that she’s a terrible driver; the way back is not much better. We are approaching an exit from the motorway that is just five minutes from my house. I do not realise just how inflexible she is until that moment.)

Me: “If you take the next turn to the left, I can give you the directions to my house.”

Associate: “No, I can’t do that. I only know one way to your house and have to use that. If I go this way, I won’t know how to get back to my place.”

Me: “But you would go the same way you always go home from my house; it’s only five minutes to my house from here.”

Associate: *getting upset* “No, no, no! I would be so confused. I have to go the only way I know.”

(She drives past the exit, and I wonder if she’s going to take the next exit, but she also speeds past it. Twenty minutes later, we pull up at her house.)

Associate: “Now I can take you home; I only know the way to your house from my house.”

(Twenty-five minutes later, I was so glad to finally get myself out of that car.)