Their Organizational Skills Are Just Depressing

, , , , , | Working | February 17, 2021

I was on antidepressants five to eight years ago but have been off them for a few years. Recently, however, I haven’t been coping and my friends have encouraged me to make a doctor’s appointment. When I try to book online and select “mental health consultation,” the website tells me I can’t book this appointment type online and will have to call their office. After getting up the nerve to make the phone call…

Me: “Hi, I’d like to make an appointment for a mental health consultation.”

Receptionist: “Okay. What was your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Receptionist: “I notice that you used to see [Doctor #1]. He doesn’t consult here anymore. If you’d like to see him, you’ll have to call his current practice.”

I feel like she is about to hang up on me. I’m actually glad that [Doctor #1] doesn’t work there anymore as he refused to prescribe me medication for months the first time around, and I know medication is what I need once again.

Me: “No, that’s okay. I can see any doctor.”

Receptionist: “All right, I have nothing this week. How about next Wednesday at 3:00 pm?”

Me: “That’s perfect. Thank you.”

Receptionist: “Okay, you’re booked in with [Doctor #2] for next Wednesday, second December.”

Two hours later, I receive a missed call from the doctor’s office and have to get up the courage to call again. The same receptionist answers, though she obviously has no recollection of the previous call. After verifying who I am…

Receptionist: “Now, unfortunately, we will have to reschedule your appointment as [Doctor #2] is going away next week and will be away for quite some time, two to three months. What was the appointment for?”

Me: “It was a mental health consultation.”

Receptionist: “I see. Is it urgent? Do you want to wait until she gets back from overseas?”

I don’t even know [Doctor #2]!

Me: “No, that’s fine. I can see any doctor.”

Receptionist: “All right, I can get you in for the same day, a bit later. What was the reason we had you down to see both a doctor and a nurse?”

Me: “I don’t know. You booked it that way.”

Receptionist: “Let’s make it 3:45 on the same day so that you can see both [Doctor #3] and a nurse.”

Me: *Gives up* “Okay, thank you.”

Seriously? I’m sure you make dozens of appointments each day so you wouldn’t necessarily remember mine, but there is no way you didn’t know two hours ago that one of your practitioners was going to be away for months! And I understand that there may be some reasons why you can’t book a mental health consultation online, but then why isn’t it marked as one when the booking is made over the phone? And no, mental health appointments can NEVER be pushed back by months. And I still don’t know why I’m seeing a nurse.

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Sometimes That’s All It Takes

, , , , | Romantic | February 12, 2021

My wife and I text while she is at work. I receive this message.

Wife: “Today hasn’t been a good day. :(”

A few minutes later: 

Wife: “Oh, it got a bit better. There is cake!”

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I Don’t Work Here: Home Edition

, , , , , | Right | February 9, 2021

I’m in a hardware store, looking for a lock for a shed I’m working on, wearing my usual blue Tradie shirt with a pink hi-vis vest, both covered in my pink and black logo. The staff all wear red shirts and dark green pants and aprons.

Customer #1: “Excuse me. Can you help me with the chains in the next aisle?”

Me: “No worries. What do you need to know?”

Customer #1: “I just need three meters of this one here.”

Me: “Oh, you’ll have to grab a staff member to measure and cut it for you. I don’t work here. I thought you just wanted to ask about the different types.”

Customer #1: *Walks off in a huff*


Customer #2: “Miss, which gloves would you recommend for gardening?”

Me: “Okay, so if you’re doing light gardening I’d go for these ones here, but if you’re doing heavier stuff I’d get these; they’re pretty durable and they’re reinforced so you won’t accidentally stab yourself with anything spiky.”

Customer #2: “Thank you. You deserve a raise!”

Me: “I’ll be sure to give myself one.”

Customer #2: “I’m sorry?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. Have a good day.” *Walks away*

And on a separate occasion, I’m wearing the same outfit in a homewares and clothing store, looking at vacuum cleaners. Their staff wear dark blue pants and light blue shirts with the store logo.

Customer #3: “Can you point me to wrapping paper?”

Me: “I’m honestly not sure, but there’s a lady near the entrance who can help you.”  *Points*

Customer #3: *Realising* “Oh, you don’t work here.”

Me: “No. Apparently, I just have a friendly face. Have a good one!”

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About To Be Rum-Punched Back To Reality

, , , , , , | Right | January 21, 2021

I’m standing in line at my local liquor store and see three young lads attempting to buy a carton of rum. 

Cashier: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sell this to you without seeing some form of ID.”

Customer #1: “Oh, yeah, sure.”

The customer hands over his license.

Cashier: “This says you’re only sixteen. I can’t sell you alcohol.”

Customer #1: “Oh, it’s just old. Can’t you accept it?”

Cashier: “Doesn’t matter how old it is; your birthday never changes.”

Customer #1: “All right, I got another way.”

He takes out his mobile phone and begins tapping, and then he holds it up to the cashier.

Customer #1: “See? It says you must be over eighteen to access this website. I hit this, and I’m in! I must be over eighteen!”

Cashier: “That doesn’t tell me your age. It just says to me that you know how to access an adult website. You need to leave now.”

The kids seemed really disappointed and left at that point.

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White-Collar Workers Need To Get With The Times

, , , , , , | Right | January 19, 2021

This happens in the 1980s at a time when direct selling parties are all the rage. I am attending a party marketing cleaning products — face, body, household, etc. After being guided through giving ourselves facials, the consultant moves on to talking about laundry products. One of the attendees interrupts her spiel.

Attendee: “I already use a lot of this stuff but I’m still having trouble removing stains from inside my husband’s collars. He’s getting angry at me because he keeps having to spend money on new shirts and says that I am wasting money buying products that don’t work. Is there something that will definitely work?”

Consultant: “I do have some items that will work for that.”

She picks up one of the facial cleansers, a cake of soap, and a washcloth.

Consultant: “Just put a little cleanser or rub the soap onto a wet washer and—”

Attendee: *Interrupting* “I’ve already tried soap and I doubt that face cleanser would work on fabric.”

Consultant: “No, as I was saying, after doing that, you give the washer to your husband and tell him to wash his neck — either that or scrub his own d*** collars. It’s things like this that make me glad I never married.”

Everyone laughs. A few weeks later, I am back with the same group. The consultant asks the attendee how the collars are now.

Attendee: “He wasn’t happy with using women’s products but agreed to try it. I haven’t had to scrub a collar since and he wants me to order more face cleanser!”

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