The Only Thing Scarier Than Creative Writing

, , , , , , | Learning | March 29, 2021

I’m in an English Studies class and the teacher is known for his jokes and sarcasm. We’ve just done a creative writing task based on an image prompt, and we’re discussing one of the stories.

Teacher: “Have you ever broken a bone?”

Student: “Yeah. My leg, playing football.”

Teacher: *To me* “Have you ever broken a bone?”

Me: “I do parkour, so… many.”

Teacher: “I’ve only ever broken one.” *Absolutely serious* “It wasn’t mine.”

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Dressing Down The Price

, , , , | Right | March 23, 2021

I work in a clothing store with a target audience of mothers and their families. Our clothing is fairly cheap but is actually good quality. We get a fair number of elderly people because of the suburb I’m in.

I’m cleaning up the sleepwear section which is next to the plus-size ladies’ section. I see an older woman seeing how a dress would look on her. As part of customer service, we’re told to ask customers if they need assistance.

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: *Seems very disappointed* “This dress is no good. I want this one but it’s broken, see?”

She shows me that there are “missing buttons” at the top of the dress. I’m not exactly sure how to break it to her that she’s wrong.

Me: “Um, that’s part of the design.”

Customer: “No, no, it’s broken. I have to get it tailored. And the stitching is so messy, too.”

She shows me the back’s stitching which is slightly gathered… part of the design.

Me: “I’m so sorry about that. Would you like me to grab another one for y—”

Customer: “There’s none there. They’re all size twenty and I need eighteen.”

Me: “I can have a look—”

Customer: “No. There’s none left. Can you give me a discount for this? It’s all broken and I have to get it tailored.”

Me: “Um, I can ask my manager for you?”

Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll ask them at the registers.” *Walks away*

Sometimes when there are a lot of customers waiting, they’ll call up someone from the shop floor to help serve, so they call me up. On the way there, I decide to see if the customer was correct and that there were no size eighteens left. Turns out, there is one other size eighteen. I bring the dress with me. I walk up to the registers and the first person I serve is the woman.

Customer: “I need a discount for this; it’s broken. It should be around $20 now.”

The original price is $30. Conveniently, my manager just walks behind the counter.

Me: “[Manager], can you help this customer?”

Manager: “What’s wrong?”

The customer tells her what she told me and demands $10 off. I show my manager the other size eighteen I found and show her and the customer that it’s designed like that.

Manager: “I can give you 10% off.”

Customer: “How much is that?”

Manager: “It will be $27.”

Customer: “Can’t you make it $20? I need to pay for tailoring now because of bad making.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, I can only give you 10%”

The customer decided she didn’t want the dress.

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Scars Just Mean It Didn’t Kill Ya!

, , , , | Healthy | March 16, 2021

I was born breech but was delivered naturally. The obstetrician had to use forceps at the end to get my head out, and it obviously left injuries on my face.

Shortly after my birth, my mum is meeting some friends who are seeing me for the first time. One sees the wounds from the forceps.

Friend: “Are you going to sue the doctor?”

Mum: “What? No! Why would I?”

Friend: “He’s scarred your daughter! Look at her!”

Mum: “[My Name] was born perfectly fine thanks to [Obstetrician]’s knowledge and skills. She was breech. Do you have any idea how dangerous that can be? Scars are the least of my worries!”

I still have the scars from the forceps nearly thirty years later. They don’t bother me at all.

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Chewed Up And Spit Back Out, Literally

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2021

I am working my first ever job in retail. I have recently been promoted to checkout supervisor, and I am paged to the front counter to complete a refund. I go to the counter and see that the customer is a very attractive girl I have been considering asking out on a date. 

Customer: “Hi, I want to return this.”

She hands over one of our home-brand protein bars. It is open but not eaten or touched.

Me: “Sure. Can I ask why?”

Customer: “Yep. I want to test out your ‘try it, like it, or your money back policy.’”

We do have such a policy and it is advertised very sporadically.

Me: “Okay, but it looks like you haven’t actually tried it.”

The customer then picks up the bar, opens it, sticks a huge chunk in her mouth, chews for a bit, and then spits it on the counter.

Customer: “It’s s***. Refund, please!”

I decided not to ask her out after that.

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Cash Is King, Princess!

, , , , , , | Right | February 18, 2021

I work in a $2 store that has pretty much everything you could ever need at relatively low prices. We also have a $5 minimum on EFTPOS transactions, meaning that customers have to pay in cash for small transactions. Most people are very understanding about this and either decide to leave the items or go and grab something else. We have a lot of little items that range from about $2 to $5 on the counter for this reason.

One day, a lady comes up to me with a foil tray, generally used for barbecues. I ring it up and the total is $4.50.

Customer: “I’ll pay on card, please.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, but we have a $5 minimum for EFTPOS. If you like, there are several—”

Customer: *Interrupting* “What? That’s ridiculous! I don’t have any cash on me! Look!”

She waves her purse in my face.

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am, but there’s nothing I can do as it is store policy. As I was saying, a lot of the smaller items on the counter are very cheap—”

Customer: “This is unacceptable! How can you expect everyone to carry cash on them? Get me your manager!”

The line is beginning to back up, and there are now five or six people waiting. I call my coworker to help me on the other register and grab my manager, quickly explaining the situation.

Manager: “Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “This lady here says you have a $5 minimum on EFTPOS transactions.”

Manager: “Yes, that is correct.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have cash, so I need to pay by card. You need to do this for me.”

Manager: “I’m really sorry, but we do have a $5 minimum on EFTPOS transactions, and there’s nothing I can do to change that. If you like, I can—”

As he’s speaking, the lady spins on her heel and walks out without a word, leaving her tray on the counter.

Me: “Well, that is one way to make an exit!”

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