One night, I pick up a friend on the way to another friend’s party. While I’m driving, he glumly informs me that one of the host’s extremely annoying friends has recently returned back home after losing his apprenticeship in another city. Instantly, I’m annoyed; I’ve never really liked this guy as he is an immature idiot. He’s one of those awkward people who is convinced he is a super cool “ladies’ man” who everyone loves.

In reality, most of our friendship group barely tolerates him as his behaviour has gotten us into some difficult situations in the past, usually because he is trying to impress a girl! When we get there, we see him already trying to be the life of the party and he seems already drunk.

While we’re sitting in the backyard, he begins talking about his job and how his boss was a “total dog” for firing him.

Me: “So, why exactly did you lose your apprenticeship?”

Guy: “Oh, I lost my driving license! Needed it for the job, eh!”

This doesn’t shock me, as he has always been an awful driver since he got his license and gets pulled over regularly by the local cops.

Me: “How did you lose your license?”

Guy: *Smirks* “Oh, you know, just doing a cool 180 on the highway!”

He smiles as if this is his proudest achievement and raises his beer.

Me: “Well, that was f****** stupid! You could’ve killed someone.”

Guy: “Nah, it was awesome, mate!”

Me: “You have no license and now you have no job. How, precisely, is this ‘awesome’?”

The guy gives me an arrogant sneer.

Guy: “Well, the chick in the car who dared me to do it was well impressed!”

Me: “Did you get a date out of it?”

Guy: “Well… no, she had a boyfriend.”

Me: “Yeah… totally worth it, then!”

He then has a sour look on his face and glares at me.

Guy: “F*** you!”

He then stomped off and had another beer, still complaining loudly about how “unfair” his firing was. Thankfully, years later, none of my friendship groups speaks to his guy. From what I heard, he didn’t get any smarter in the years that followed.

I’m a customer carrying a pile of unicorn-related items, including a hat and gumboots, through a clothing and homewares store. I’m wearing a black business shirt, black jeans, and sneakers. The staff at the store wear blue polo shirts, black business pants, and black shoes.

Customer: “Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!”

I stop to look at a rack of unicorn T-shirts for my niece.

Customer: *Stops next to me* “EXCUUUUUUUSE ME!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Where do you keep your underwear?”

Me: “In a drawer in my bedroom.”

Customer: *Realising* “You don’t work here.”

Me: “No, I don’t, but that lady over there in the blue shirt can help you.”

I’m still not sure why this keeps happening to me, or how she walked past two employees to chase me down without noticing them. I did eventually find my niece the perfect unicorn outfit for her birthday!

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 35
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 34
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 32
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 31

We have a sale going on which results in long queues. I am serving a woman who has a lot of items. My manager is serving behind me at another register. We call customers from the same line. He rarely serves, but I wouldn’t let him leave me alone on the registers.

Manager: “Okay, if every second person in the queue can line up over here.”

Me: “[Manager], can you take the next customer as she’s been waiting the longest?”

She is also a regular.  

Manager: “No, I called every second person, not every first. You have to serve her.”

Me: “She’s been waiting the longest.”

I finally get to serve her. By this time, the manager has gotten through at least four sales. I apologise to her; she is so pissed off. The next day, she comes back.

Customer: “I’m sorry I didn’t thank you for what you tried doing yesterday. [Manager] was so rude.”

Me: “Yeah, I am sorry. I have no idea what he was thinking.”

Customer: “Well, I just wanted to thank you and say goodbye. You can tell [Manager] that I’ll be taking my business to [Competitor] from now on.”

Me: “Okay, I might see you there. I always shop there; they have better things than we do.”

Customer: “And they don’t have [Manager].”

Me: “They used to; that’s where he came from.”

Customer: “They probably fired him.”

Not sure if that was the case, but he was offered demotion or a forced resignation a couple of months later.

Related:
Manager, Manage! Part 3
Manager, Manage! Part 2
Manager, Manage!

At a charity fundraising, I am browsing books and a man comes up and also looks through the selection. It is fifty cents a book, or four books for a dollar. He comes up with a selection of five and he speaks to the woman running the stall.

Customer: “Can I get these five for a dollar?”

Stall Owner: “No, the price is four for a dollar. Maybe later in the day when we’re down to the remnants.”

He uses every tactic he could: first customer of the day, get things moving, the books aren’t in great condition, and so on. Eventually, she relents and lets him have them.

Customer: “Great! I love bargaining, and I absolutely love getting a bargain!”

He hands over a $20.

Stall Owner: “I’m sorry. It’s so early in the day; I don’t have change for that.”

Customer: “Oh, no worries. Keep the change. The charity’s for a good cause.”

And off he went on his happy way!

Related:
More Than He Bargained For

I have been asked to cover for a sick employee at another location. I am the type of person who likes to finish what I am doing before leaving. I am putting out some stock.

Staff Member: “[My Name], it’s time to go; we’re closing now.”

Me: “I just need to finish this. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Staff Member: “No, you have to leave that. [Manager] likes to have us all together at the end of the day. You need to grab your bag and get ready to go.”

I check the time as I follow her over to the counter; there are still fifteen minutes before closing time. The front door is already locked, the registers are counted, and all the staff are just standing around doing nothing but chatting. I’m fidgety because I just want to finish that work and I know that the owners hate seeing staff doing nothing; they are very strict.  

Manager: “Okay, it’s 5:30. Goodbye, everyone.” 

We were all out in the car park before 5:31, the manager locking the door on the way out. I guess that when the managers are the owners’ parents, they get to make their own rules.