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It’s Genderally Unimportant

, , , , | Right | November 16, 2022

I’ve started my first job, working as a kitchenhand and tea trolley pusher in a nursing home. While the specific details of my gender aren’t important, my workplace assumes I am a cis male, and I have a relatively androgynous appearance, further accentuated by the hairnet and mask I have to wear.

It’s my first shift, and my coworker is showing me around the place as I do the tea trolley run — the oldies love their hot beverages — and introducing me to all the residents. It’s a fairly normal process (my coworker does most of the talking), until…

Coworker: *As we enter one of the rooms* “Hello, [Resident]! This is [My Name]; he’s our new hire!”

The resident in question is an elderly lady lying in bed. She squints, so I move a little closer, thinking she might not be able to see me well.

Resident: “Are… are you a lady or a man?”

Me: *Without thinking* “Uh… yes?”

Resident: “Oh, I see. Carry on, then.”

That’s The Bong Color

, , , , , , | Right | November 7, 2022

I work as a cashier in a supermarket. I’m working at the customer service desk that also sells cigarettes, lighters, rolling papers, etc.

Customer #1: “[Cigarettes] and a [Brand] lighter.”

I just grab the first lighter without looking, which happens to be a light brown colour.

Customer #1: “Nah, I hate that colour. It reminds me too much of the colour of s***. I can’t enjoy my bong.”

Customer #2: “Man, if that’s the colour of your s***, I’d be putting the bong down and seeing a doctor.”

I had to stop myself from laughing.

A Fifteen-Minute Drive Ahead Of The Bosses

, , , , , , , | Working | October 25, 2022

Years ago, I got hired by a company that had just been bought out by a much larger parent company that owned a lot of other sub-companies. The new management kept saying “nothing’s going to change,” but the more they said it, the more things changed. That was no big surprise, really; even as a newcomer, I could see that coming.

Six months after I joined, they decided to build a new head office for our city on the other side of the city, but they promised that the current branch would remain open (which actually did happen, what a shock).

Construction took about nine months from announcing their decision to being ready to move in. Halfway through construction, they announced that apart from management, one particular buyer would be moving to the new office, and a rumour went around that he might be taking someone to work with him from the old office.

Shortly before moving, everyone from sales, data processing, and a few other departments was called up one at a time to speak with the general manager. I presume everyone got a similar spiel that finished off with a request that “nothing gets discussed with your colleagues until we’ve spoken with everyone.”

The pitch was they wanted people to think about moving to the new office.

Me: “Yes, I’ll do it.”

General Manager: “No, you’ve misunderstood. We just want you to think about relocating.”

Me: “I get that. I’m saying yes.”

General Manager: “No, [My Name], you just need to think about it now.”

Me: *Laughing* “I have been thinking about the possibility since I saw where you were building the new branch. You’ll be a fifteen-minute drive or a twenty-five-minute push bike ride from where I live, as opposed to the hour or so of motorised travel or hour and twenty minutes on public transport to work I have at the moment. I’ve only been here for about a year, about a month or two before you arrived here. I get along well with my coworkers, but I’m sure I’ll keep in touch with them and make new friends and relationships at the new branch if I go. You’re providing parking for staff, which will be much better than here, where there’s no staff parking and street parking is thin on the ground. All in all, moving has lots of benefits and few losses, which is why I’m saying yes.”

General Manager: *Shocked* “I didn’t think anyone would have gone that far. Thanks for letting us know. We’ll update everyone soon.”

I didn’t tell him that I knew at least three other people who had mentioned in casual conversation that they would go if needed to but would rather stay where they were because, for them, staying would be easier.

Not soon after, I was offered a position at the new branch, and it came as no surprise to them that I accepted.

It’s funny when the “masters” get smacked in the face by the drones, thinking outside the boxes they’ve placed us in.

Reexamining Your Friendships

, , , , , | Friendly | October 17, 2022

It’s the day of our yearly exams — the ones that determine which level of classes we go into next year. I get to class to find that my so-called best friend has decided with others to change the seating arrangements that we’ve had all year. I go to sit in my regular seat next to her and find someone else sitting there.

Me: “[Friend #1], that’s my seat.”

Friend #1: “No, I don’t want you sitting here. Go find another seat.”

I am upset, and I turn to sit in the seat [Friend #1] normally sits in.

Friend #2: “No, you’re not sitting here. [Classmate] is here.”

Again, I try to find another seat and am told that they don’t want me next to them, either. I am upset as I don’t know what I’ve done to make them so hostile to me. Finally, I take an empty table at the rear of the class. My old friends glare at me before turning to each other, whispering and laughing. It’s not the best mindset to go into an exam with but I do my best on it.

The next morning in class, we get our results back. I’ve done very well with 92 out of 100. After class, one of the others pulls me aside.

Friend #1: “I’m so sorry about what we did to you yesterday. [Best Friend] told us that you always cheat off of her and that the reason why you got upset was that it meant you couldn’t cheat off her.”

Me: “I was upset because I was basically tossed out of a seat I’ve had all year and then made to feel horrible while you all were laughing at me.”

Friend #1: “I know, I’m sorry. It’s just that she told us you were a cheat and would copy our work.”

Me: “If I’m the cheat, then tell me why I got better marks than she did and why she got identical marks to [Friend #2] and they both failed the test.”

I chose not to associate myself with any of them. At our next class, I made a point of sitting on the far side of the room from them. I was very pleased to go back to school the next term to find that most of them had been put down several levels, so I never had to take classes with them again.

Thirty Brain Cells Hath This Employee…

, , , , , , , | Working | September 15, 2022

Me: “Hi, I want to return this shirt. I have the receipt right here.”

Employee: “Okay, let me have a look. Just so you know, our return policy is within thirty days.”

Me: “Yep, that’s fine; it’s within the time period.”

The employee scans my receipt and then frowns.

Employee: “Ma’am, our return policy is thirty days.”

Me: “Yep.”

Employee: “This was bought on the twelfth of February.”

Me: “That’s right.”

Employee: “Ma’am, it’s the thirteenth of March.”

Me: “Right. So it can be returned.”

Employee: “No, ma’am, it was bought more than a month ago.”

Me: “But less than thirty days ago.”

Employee: “It was bought more than a month ago.”

Me: “It was bought twenty-nine days ago. February had twenty-eight days this year. The return policy is thirty days.”

Employee: “I— I need to get a manager.”

I did get my refund.