Let’s Hope She Managed To Leave While He Was Out

, , , , | Right | April 2, 2021

I’m doing a cover shift in the deli at a large supermarket. A young bloke comes in, obviously not having showered for a couple of days, with a dumper — half-smoked and extinguished — cigarette in his mouth. He orders five slices of Devon, a lunchmeat. I take out the slices and bag it up, and as I’m about to print out the label, he says:

Customer: “You’re going to run that through as chicken, right?”

Me: “No. It’s Devon.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you need to run it through as chicken breast.”

Me: “I can’t do that. It’s Devon. And it’s significantly cheaper than chicken breast.”

Customer: “Yeah, but my wife sent me here to get chicken. We can’t afford chicken and she’s dumb as dog s***, so if you just put chicken as the label, that’ll fool her.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sorry. Maybe try writing chicken on the bag once you’ve left the store?”

The customer nodded as if I’d given him something profound to think about. He took the Devon and walked off. It was by far the strangest interaction I had that day.

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Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | April 2, 2021

I work in a Chinese restaurant. I’m twenty-one, but many say I only look about sixteen. A lady comes in and sits at a table right by the door.

Customer: “I’ll have the teriyaki chicken, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have teriyaki chicken.”

Customer: “Ugh, fine, I’ll have the butter chicken.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but we don’t have butter chicken.”

Customer: *Yelling* “This is ridiculous! You are a bloody Asian restaurant! You’re telling me that you don’t have Asian food?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but—”

Customer: “No, I’ve had enough of your d*** apologies! I want teriyaki chicken and I’m not leaving until you get me it. Now stop being some lazy-a** teenager and go and do your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not a teenager, and secondly, this is a Chinese restaurant, so if you don’t want anything off the menu, I suggest you leave.”

I walked away, hoping she’d either shut up or just leave. The lady sat there for the next twenty minutes complaining to any customers walking in that we were absolutely awful. Eventually, she gave up and left, trying to slam the door on her way out but failing because our hinges prevented it, and ended up falling on her backside.

Related:
Don’t You Speak Asian?, Part 2
Don’t You Speak Asian?

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Doing What I Just Did Is Too Hard, Bye!

, , , , | Right | April 2, 2021

Caller: “I am having a problem with my computer. The Internet doesn’t work!”

Me: “Okay. First of all, can you open Internet Explorer?”

Caller: “I have done that, but it just says, ‘Page not found.’”

Me: “That’s okay. Near the top of your screen, there should be a button that looks like a small cog. Can you click on that?”

Caller: “Okay, I have done that.”

Me: “There should be a menu which pops us. Near the bottom of that, it should say, ‘Internet Options.’”

Caller: “Yes, I can see that.”

Me: “Click on ‘Internet Options.’”

Caller: “Sorry, I can’t do that.”

Me: “Oh, um, why?”

Caller: “That’s too hard. I don’t know much about computers.”

Me: “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll tell you exactly what to click on.”

Caller: “Sorry, I can’t do it.” *Hangs up*

There were only about three more steps. I have successfully walked plenty of elderly and computer-illiterate people through this procedure, but this was the only time I have ever had someone give up after two steps.

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Acting Sour About The Sweet And Sour

, , , | Right | March 31, 2021

Customer: “I’ll have the sweet and sour pork.”

Me: “Would you like that as a lunch special or a main meal?”

Customer: “I’ll have a main meal. I don’t eat rice.”

Me: “That’ll be $16.50, then.”

Customer: “No, shouldn’t it be $8?”

Me: “Sorry, no, the $9.90 price is only for the lunch specials, and for the lunch special, you have to get it with rice or noodles.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t eat rice or noodles, so what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I said, ‘What are you going to do about it?’!”

Me: “I’ve presented you with your options; it’s your choice.”

Customer: “I want the sweet and sour pork, but I refuse to pay $16.50 for it. So, what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “Like I said, I’ve given you your options; other than that, I’m not going to do anything.”

Customer: *Very whiny tone* “But your prices are ridiculous! I only want to pay $8! Besides, your food isn’t even that good! I should be entitled to pay only $8!”

Me: “Miss, either you pay the full amount or you leave; those are your options.”

She did give up and leave once she realised I wasn’t budging.

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He Really Had NOTHING To Hide

, , , , , | Working | March 30, 2021

I have just left a department store and am a couple of metres from the entrance when there is the sound of the door security alarm going off. I stop and turn to make sure it wasn’t me that set it off, but I am too far away to have done so. There is a man in shorts and a T-shirt who has stopped between the sensors with a staff member approaching him, and there’s another worker at the service counter who looks to be a manager.

Manager: “Check that guy.”

Man: “I don’t have anything on me.”

Worker: “He’s not carrying anything. Why would it go off?”

Manager: “Because he stole something, that’s why. Check him.”

False accusations are highly illegal. The man is outraged but holds his anger.

Man: “You can’t accuse me like that.”

He holds out his hands to show he’s carrying nothing.

The manager ignores him and again tells the worker that he has to have hidden something to set the alarm off and that he will call the police.

The man is pissed.

Man: “I have not stolen anything and will prove it.”

He undoes the front of his shorts, drops them, and steps out of his shorts in just his T-shirt and underwear.

Man: “Come on, search me. You call the police and I’ll be pressing charges.”

The manager turns and quickly goes back into the store.

Man: “Yeah, gutless wonder, run away.”

He put his shorts back on and gave the gaping worker a death stare before stomping off.

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