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Language Skills Are Medi-okra

, , , , , | Right | April 20, 2011

(I work as a demo lady.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “Chicken andouille gumbo.”

Customer: “Wait… what?”

Me: “Chicken andouille gumbo.”

Customer: “Are… you speaking English?”

Has Faith But Lost All Pope

, , , , , | Right | March 11, 2011

Customer: “I’m looking for the Holy Bible.”

Me: “Any particular denomination you’re looking for?”

Customer: “The one written by Jesus.”

Me: “Technically, the bible wasn’t written by Jesus.”

Customer: “No, he wrote one. Everybody knows that.”

(I decide not to argue and take her to see our bibles. She comes back down later, looking upset.)

Customer: “None of those say they were written by Jesus. Where are the ones written by Jesus?”

(I answer in the only way I can think of as helpful.)

Me: “Maybe you should ask the Vatican City?”

Customer: “Is that far?”


This story is part of our Bad-With-History roundup!

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Moby Thick

, , , , , | Right | March 9, 2011

(A customer comes to our help desk, looking upset.)

Customer: “My daughter’s teacher assigned this book. It’s totally inappropriate for a twelve-year-old! I was hoping you could suggest something else.”

Me: “What’s the book, ma’am?”

Customer: ”I don’t want to say the name out loud. There are children present.”

(The customer hands over the assigned reading list. The book is ‘Moby Dick’.)

Me: “It’s not a dirty book, ma’am. Moby Dick is a story about a man and his hunt to kill an elusive white whale. It’s actually rather good. I read it when I was about your daughter’s age.”

Customer: “Well, they should name it something different. You should tell the author person he needs to change the name.”


This story is part of our Children Reading roundup!

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Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 4

, , , , , , , | Right | January 10, 2011

Me: “Could I ask why you fled the scene of the accident, sir?”

Customer: “Because I didn’t have no insurance.”

Me: “Wait, didn’t you say earlier that you were driving right now?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…the vehicle from the accident?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…with no insurance?”

Customer: “What part of ‘Yes, sir,’ do you not understand!?”


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Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

, , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

Me: “Sure, here.”

(As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

Me: “Oh, is this for an ethics class?”

Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”


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