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I Propose Kicking Him Out

, , , , , , | Right | February 14, 2016

(I work at an upscale, very romantic restaurant. Valentine’s Day is our biggest night of the year; we’re booked solid for weeks in advance. It’s not uncommon for people to propose, so I’m not surprised when I see another waiter putting an engagement ring in a cake. A few moments later, I hear the woman shrieking “yes!” and clapping. Another couple flags me down.)

Male Customer: “What’s happening over there?”

Me: “I think it was a proposal.”

Female Customer: “Oh, that is so romantic!”

Male Customer: *frowns at me* “You’d better cancel the champagne, then.”

Me: “Sir?”

Male Customer: *stabs at his plate* “You can forget the champagne and the strawberries. You’ve ruined the surprise now.”

(The female customer and I exchange looks.)

Me: “Sir?”

Male Customer: “You let that guy propose. I can’t propose now. I’ll look like I’m copying him!”

Female Customer: “Propose?!”

Male Customer: “Not anymore. These idiots ruined it! How could you let someone else propose!”

Me: “Sir, I had no idea you were going to propose.”

Male Customer: “Well, how are you going to compensate me for your mistake?”

Me: “Sir?”

Female Customer: “Honey, it’s not her fault.”

Male Customer: “They ruined our evening. This should have been magical. I demand to see the manager!”

(I go and get the manager. The couple are whispering back and forth and don’t look happy. Other customers and giving them anxious glances.)

Manager: “Sir, is there a problem?”

Male Customer: “Yes! You ruined my evening by letting that man propose!”

Manager: “Sir, we are not responsible for guest’s proposals.”

Male Customer: “Yes, you are! You knew I was going to propose and your staff let him do it first! And I can’t propose after him!”

Manager: “Sir, I don’t know what we could have done to prevent this. Our staff cannot tell people not to propose.”

Male Customer: *yelling* “Yes, you can! I reserved a proposal!”

(By now a lot of guests are staring.)

Manager: “Sir, please keep your voice down.”

Male Customer: “No! I will not be treated like this. You ruined my entire evening and now you’re acting like I’m the bad guy!”

Manager: “Sir, if you do not calm down I will ask to you leave.”

(The man begins yelling, “Ruined!” over and over again, and starts throwing his food on the floor. We end up calling the police to get him out. Throughout all of this his companion silently watches. As the police drag him out, still screaming she opens her purse and puts a wad of cash on the table.)

Female Customer: “That’s for saving me from a terrible marriage. Have a good evening.”


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Allergic To Payback

, , , , | Right | October 30, 2015

(After a customer is hospitalized due to a miscommunication about their allergies, my manager changes store policy so that we aren’t allowed to serve anyone anything if they say they are allergic to components. Since bratty customers often claim allergy, this has had many hilarious results, my favorite being a customer who usually makes us remake her order three or four times because she’s allergic to this or that.)

Customer: “I’ll have a meatball sub, no onion. I’m allergic to onion.”

Me: “The meatballs have onion in them. What else can I get you?”

Customer: “The meatballs only have a little; it’s fine.”

Me: “You have informed me you have an onion allergy. I cannot serve you any products containing onion.”

Customer: *huffs* “Fine, I’ll have the chicken sub!”

Me: “Ma’am, last week you made me remake your food because of a tomato allergy. I cannot serve you any product with tomato.”

Customer: “Yes, you can! I get them all the time.”

Me: “Store policy has changed. I cannot serve any customer any food that may have been contaminated with anything they label as an allergen.”

Customer: “Fine, I was lying. Give me my sub.”

Me: “As you have given me conflicting information I must err on the side of caution. I cannot serve you tomato, onion, wheat, gluten, dairy, eggs-”

Customer: “WHAT! I never said I was allergic to that stuff:”

Me: “Ma’am, whenever you have us remake food we must enter the reason in the register. And all your credit card purchases are saved in the system. Should we look up your purchases?”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

(I run in back and tell him what’s going on. He gets an evil look on his face.)

Manager: “Hello, ma’am, I understand you’re confused about our new store policy?”

Customer: “Your employee here refuses to make me food even though I told her I am not allergic!”

Manager: “So you aren’t allergic to onions or tomatoes or wheat?”

Customer: “No, I am not.”

Manager: “Ma’am, you just admitted to lying about allergies. So you can either pay for every sandwich you’ve ever had us remake, or get out.”

Customer: *runs out of the store*

Bigotry Is Not On The Menu

, , , , , , | Right | March 24, 2015

(A few years ago I was working as a hostess in a restaurant. One night, two men come in and ask for a table. I lead them to an available one.)

Older Man: “We can’t sit at this table.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Is there something wrong?”

Older Man: “We just can’t sit here; move us somewhere else.”

(I’m confused, as the table I was seating them at was actually our most popular one. I start walking toward a manager to ask where I should move them, when the two young, clean, nicely-dressed men at the next table happen to get up to leave.)

Older Man: “It’s okay! We can sit here now!”

(I realize this guy assumed the two young men were gay, and could apparently not eat in their vicinity. I relate what happened to my (gay) manager and the (straight) server.)

Manager: “[Server], you’re only allowed to talk to these guys as if you’re the gayest person on this planet.”

(I will never forget the look of horror on the men’s faces when the server, a huge, beefy black man, started telling them the specials while sounding like a drag queen.)

 

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Just Bowsing Through The Characters

, , , , , | Related | October 29, 2014

(My mother and I are driving down to pick up my sister. There is a truck in front of us with a fairly large sticker or magnet on the back.)

Mom: “Is that a Pokémon on the back of that truck?”

Me: *looks over at it* “No, mom, that’s Bowser.”

Mom: “…”

Me: “From Mario? Kidnaps Princess Peach?”

Mom: “Well, I knew it was somebody.”


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This Boss Gets More Than Just The Check

, , , , , | Right | January 10, 2013

(A young gay couple has become my favorite regulars at the small restaurant where I work. One day as I am talking with them, an older, more conservative-looking man walks past us to the To-Go pickup area. He stops short next to us, and in the same moment, I see one of the young guys look down with a panicked expression at where he is holding his boyfriend’s hand.)

Older Man: “[Name]! I didn’t know you ate here!”

Young Man: *uncomfortable* “Oh, yeah, um… it’s half way between work and my… boyfriend’s work, so.”

Older Man: *glances at James’ boyfriend* “Oh.”

(There is an awkward pause, where we all just stare at each other.)

Older Man: “I’m sorry, I’m being rude.” *offers his hand to James’ boyfriend* “I’m [Older Man], [Young Man]’s boss. Very nice to meet you. We all love James in the office.”

Young Man’s Boyfriend: “Oh! Nice to meet you, too! You know, [Young Man] is always talking about how much he looks up to you.”

(The young man is so visibly relieved that he is near tears. The three makes some more small talk before the older man heads off to pick up his lunch. I end up taking his payment and he quietly asks me to pay for James and his boyfriend’s meal as well.)

Older Man: “You know… when I was growing up, I was taught that being gay was bad, a sin. But that young man is the brightest kid I’ve ever known, and I can’t see a d*** thing wrong with him…” *pauses* “…or his boyfriend.”

(He smiled at me and then walked away without another word. To this day, I can’t think about the look on James’s face when I told him that his boss paid for his nearly $100 meal without wanting to cry.)


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