Stuck In Retail H***

, , , | Right | August 17, 2010

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

(The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

Me: “Oh… I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

(I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

Customer: “Go to Hell!”

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Bumming Around On The Job

, , , | Right | August 10, 2010

(I work in a high-end grocery store that has a department of employees solely dedicated to pushing shopping carts.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what’s [Department]?”

Me: “It’s a department where we push shopping carts, assist customers, and maintain the parking lot.”

Customer: “Yes, but are you an employee at [Store]?”

Me: “Yes, I’m an employee.”

Customer: “As in, do they pay you?”

Me: “Yes, this is my job.”

Customer: “So, you’re not homeless?”

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Coffee Can Cause Great Dis-Stain

, , , , , , | Right | August 7, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a mocha latte cappuccino.”

Me: “Okay, which one of those would you like?”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, those are three different things. A mocha, a latte, or a cappuccino?”

Customer: “No, they’re not! That’s what I want!”

Me: “Ma’am, technically–”

Customer: “Just get me what my husband always orders!”

Me: “What does your husband always order?”

Customer: “You know, some… coffee thing!”

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A Heated Topic, Part 2

, , , | Right | July 19, 2010

(A woman and her two younger children go in to see a kid-friendly movie. Ten minutes later, the woman comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but there is a preview on right now with a man on fire!”

Me: “A man on fire? Okay, that shouldn’t be the right preview.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have kids in there!”

(I check the theater.)

Me: “Ma’am, this is a preview for Fantastic Four. The man on fire is a superhero. His special ability is that he can turn into a fireball and fly around.”

Customer: “I don’t care who it is; he shouldn’t be on fire!”

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Don’t Count On Intelligence

, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2010

Customer: “How much is this? I’m kind of bad at math.”

Me: “Sure. It comes to $10.20.”

(The customer hands me a $10 bill.)

Customer: “Here you go.”

Me: “All right, I need at least twenty more cents.”

Customer: “Oh… all right.”

(The customer puts down five pennies.)

Customer: “Is that enough?”

Me: “Fifteen more cents.”

(The customer puts down a dime.)

Me: “All right, you have $10.15 now.”

(The customer puts down five more pennies, but takes away the $10 bill.)

Me: “All right, you have the right amount of change. But I need that $10 bill.”

Customer: “But this is twenty!”

Me: “Twenty cents. And your total is $10.20.”

Customer: “Oh, I get it.”

(The customer hands me a $1 bill.)

Me: “I’ll need that $10 bill you had before.”

(The customer gives me the $10 bill and begins to take away the 20 cents.)

Me: “Wait… actually, no, you’re good. That’s the right amount.”


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