(My boyfriend and I are hanging around the toy section of a supermarket. There is a stuffed Hei Hei [the derpy chicken from “Moana”] that makes noise when you press it. Of course, my boyfriend presses it, and the chicken screams. We have gone further down the store, and can still hear it screaming.)
Me: “You unleashed the evilest thing in the store.”
Boyfriend: *singing* “Well, what can I say except ‘you’re welcome’? I made you laugh; I’m off the hook. Get it?”
(Once in a while, and only on Saturdays, they have four to eight people working on papers at a table in the back. It’s literally the easiest thing you can do there since all you have to do is put a paper in a bigger pile of papers, carry it over to a machine, and push it through. That’s it. One night, a new girl comes in.)
Me: “Hello.”
New Girl: “Hey…”
(Shortly after that we get the papers. We start and then about an hour later this gem happens:)
New Girl: *sigh* “I’m going on break.”
Me: “Uh, you can’t just go on break. Wait until they send you.”
New Girl: “Well, when are they going to do that?”
Me: “It’s gonna be a short night so, honestly, I don’t think we’ll get one, but maybe we’ll get a ten minute break later.”
New Girl: “No break…? Isn’t that, like, illegal?”
Me: “Well, no. New Jersey law says that you only get a half hour break after six hours. Since this only takes about four hours, we won’t get a break. I’ve done this a few times, though, so I know that eventually we’ll run out of paper and we’ll get a short break. It might be even longer if the machine breaks down instead.”
New Girl: “So you’re telling me that after touching this dirty paper for about an hour, I’m not even going to get a break.”
Me: “Yes… but there’s a good chance we wi—”
New Girl: *scoffs* “I’m going on break.”
(She grabbed her phone and left. I and other people working at the time were flabbergasted. We did eventually get our break, but she wouldn’t know since she was gone for about an hour or two. She eventually came back and continued to work for the remaining hour and then left. I’m glad she didn’t look at me during that hour, since I’m positive I glared at her every time I looked her way. Luckily, that was the only time that happened since I haven’t seen her there since.)
(All our boneless, skinless chicken breasts are buy one, get one free. Included are regular, thin sliced, tenders, and family packs. We have small signs in front of all the boneless, and big signs on sign holders standing up in the case. A woman picks up two packages of chicken WINGS from further down the case and wants them for the buy one, get one free offer.)
Woman: “But why can’t I get these? The signs there say ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ and I want these wings!”
Me: “I’m sorry, but the offer is only on boneless, skinless chicken BREASTS, not all the chicken at this time. See? The signs over here mention everything that’s included.”
Woman: “Well, that’s ridiculous! I want my wings for free! People shouldn’t have to READ when they shop!”
(My coworker and I are six hours into our shift at a popular local restaurant and we’ve been running pillar to post the entire time.)
Coworker: *preparing the eighth coffee in a row* “I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue.”
Me: “You’re lucky. I just went off my meds and now all the dishware is talking to me.”
Me: “Hi, thanks for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi, when are tennis tryouts?”
Me: “I’m sorry; what was that?”
Customer: “Tennis tryouts. When are they?”
Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know anything about tennis tryouts.”
Customer: “Are you sure?”
Me: “Yes, I’m sure.”
Customer: “This is the number to call about tryouts, right? It was on the flyer.”
Me: “No, sorry, this is a restaurant.”
Customer: “I see.” *hangs up*
Manager: “Wow, why won’t you let anyone tryout for the tennis team?”
Me: “I only want the best.”
