(I work in an amusement park that has a water park next to it, but they aren’t connected. This happens on a hot summer day when the water park has hit maximum capacity.)

Guest: “The water park is being so stupid!”

Me: “How?”

Guest: “They aren’t letting anyone in. They have the entrance completely blocked off!”

Me: “They are at max capacity.”

Guest: “Well, we are season pass holders, so we should get in!”

Me: “But they are at maximum capacity. They can’t fit any more people in; there’s no room.”

Guest: “They should make room, since we are season pass holders. We should have priority over one-day tickets.”

Me: “So, what you are saying is, you want them to kick the day ticket people out so you can get in?”

Guest: “Well, I– I mean I– No, I, uh– Season pass holders should be top priority, so we should get in first! So, yes, that would be nice, if it were possible.”

(I gave her a look that could only be described as saying, “Seriously?” She just grinned and walked away.)

(We sell masks for CPAP [continuous positive airway pressure] machines. We allow returns if customers don’t like their masks, but we need to ask why.)

Me: “Hello, and thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need to return a mask.”

(I get her order information and pull up her order.)

Me: “Okay, I see you ordered [Mask]. What seems to be the problem?”

(This mask is designed to go under the nose and over the mouth. It’s a new design of a full-face mask we are really excited about, so we really need feedback whenever it’s returned.)

Customer: “Well, they put a hole over my mouth, and it blows cold air on my mouth and lips. It’s so silly and I don’t like it at all!”

(I’m speechless for a moment because the whole point of the mask is to go over your mouth.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Have you had a full face mask before?”

Customer: “Oh, no. I’ve only had ones that go over my nose! Why would you have one that covers your mouth? It’s so silly!”

(I want this woman off my line, because that is exactly what she purchased, but whatever.)

Me: “Well, that’s a popular style mask, but since you’re unhappy with the purchase, you are able to ship it back for a refund.”

Customer: “You don’t send me a label?”

Me: “No, ma’am. Customers pay for the return shipping; it’s outlined in our return policy.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “You go to your local post office, tell them the address to ship it to, and they’ll tell you the price.”

Customer: “But I got it through [Parcel Delivery Service]! Shouldn’t I use them?”

Me: “You paid for [Parcel Delivery Service] to deliver to you. You can use any carrier you’d like to send it back to us.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: *repeats* “You go to the store and give them the item, and they’ll give you the price.”

Customer: “It’s that easy?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “Thanks!” *click*

(I think I felt my IQ lower a bit just by talking to this woman.)

(My family is considered quite big — seven including the dog — and two of my siblings are toddlers. My town holds a dog-walking festival every year. There are booths along the route. These booths usually have items to purchase like dog treats or toys. As we walk along, we notice a neighbor volunteering at an adoption booth “stocked” with pets from a local animal shelter. My parents start chatting with her as my sister — not a toddler — and I start petting one of the cats laying on a table outside of its crate.)

Dad: *notices* “I love cats!” *pets cat*

(The cat purrs and rubs itself on his arm. It seems to have taken a liking to my dad.)

Dad: “She’s up for adoption, right? Could we see if her and the dog get along?”

Neighbor: “Yeah, but I’m not letting you guys adopt any pets. You already have a big enough family!” *laughs*

(Nobody else laughs with her.)

Mom: “Isn’t that for us to decide?”

Neighbor: *still laughing* “I’m doing this for you, [Mom]! You already have enough work with all of these kids and animals!”

(We just walked off and avoided her from then on. She also became known as the nosy neighbor, because she pulled a stunt similar to this where she denied our other neighbors who were a young couple to adopt an older dog since it would “die sooner” and they should get a puppy. Why does the size of someone’s family affect their ability to be able to give an animal a home? Also, isn’t her goal as a volunteer to get more animals homes, not nitpick the little details and get involved in other people’s business?)

Customer: “Hi, can I have a cinnamon roll and a decaf?”

Me: “Sure.”

Coworker: *to me* “Hey, Isis, can you help me after [Owner] leaves?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “Why did he call you that?”

Me: “It’s my name.”

Customer: *disgusted* “Well, why the h*** haven’t you changed it?!”

Me: “Because it’s my name, and I had it first.”

Customer: “But people will think you’re a terrorist! If you want a goddess’s name, have Diana or Freya, but seriously, get rid of that s*** name!”

Coworker: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “As if! I paid for my food and I’m getting it.”

Me: *slightly upset* “It’s okay, [Coworker]; I’m going to go on break.”

Customer: “Change it!”

Coworker: “Leave before I call the cops. This is your last chance.”

Customer: “You’re going to have a nasty life if you keep that!”

(He stormed out, snatching a cinnamon roll and another customer’s decaf before going. When the cops did arrest him, he said that he paid for them and that everyone was going to think I was “un-American.” I’m fine. It’s my name and nobody’s going to make me change it.)

(I work in a convenience store. An older, well-dressed woman comes up with a carton of eggs:)

Me: “Okay, that will be $2.79.”

Customer: “No, that’s wrong, it should be $2.00! Your sign says two cartons for $4.00, therefore one carton should be $2.00!”

Me: “Oh, I am sorry for the confusion, ma’am, but that is a special. If you buy two cartons you get both for less. It says on the sign, two for $4.00 or one at regular price.”

Customer: *getting angry* “That is ridiculous! The grocery store doesn’t do it like that!”

Me: “Actually, I’m fairly certain they do? How else would it be a deal if you pay actual price for two?”

Customer: “Well, I am NOT paying $2.79 for a carton of eggs!”

Me: “Soooo, should I put these back for you?”

Customer: “NO! I WANT TO PAY $2.00 FOR THEM!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, 79 cents is not worth losing my job over.”

Customer: “You are an IDIOT! I demand to see your manager!”

Me: *relieved* “Fine by me.”

(My manager is an older gentleman who was in the Navy, so screaming, irrational customers do not phase him in the slightest, and he always takes the employees’ side when we’ve done nothing wrong. The lady starts screaming at him about how the I should sell her the eggs for two lousy bucks and he just gives her a flat “no” and she storms out of the store. As he’s complaining to me about entitled people we see her peel out of the parking lot in a brand new Mercedes.)

Manager: “She drives that and she couldn’t spare an extra 79 cents?”

Me: “I guess rich people don’t leave change under their seats like the rest of us?”