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The Couponator: Thanksgiving Special

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2019

(It is close to Thanksgiving. I am doing returns when I am stopped by a regular customer, whom I do not like because she is one of the old lady couponers. She asks me if I can get her some soup that is on sale on the top self. I say sure.)

Me: *grabs three or four cans* “Here you go.”

Regular: “Is there any more?”

Me: “Let me check.” *looks* “I am sorry; there is none left.”

Regular: “Are you kidding me? I have to get this stuff for Thanksgiving because I have people coming over. You should get more!” *walks off*

(I later tell the story to a coworker.)

Coworker: “Wow.”

Me: “I know. And I am just standing there thinking to myself, ‘You know, lady, other people need this stuff, too.’”

Coworker: “Gotta love those old lady couponers!”

Related:
The Couponator 15: The Transaction Void
The Couponator 14: Multiple Attack!
The Couponator 13: Coupons Of Purchases Past
The Couponator 12: The Special Competition


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Dollars Of Dumbness

, , , , , , | Working | November 11, 2019

(I go to the checkout and my total comes to exactly $6, so I hand over a $10 bill. The young man behind the counter starts pulling out $1’s, but quickly notices he only has three. He is also low on change, so he starts pulling out heaps to give me! At this point, I stop him.) 

Me: “Sorry, but I really don’t want all of that change. Could I just give you a $1 and get a $5 back?”

Cashier: *blank look of confusion*

Me: *pulling out a $1* “Here. My change was $4, so if I give you $1, my change should be $5. That way I can just get a $5.”

Cashier: *after a long pause, looking at all the money* “I’m going to have to cancel the transaction and start over.”

Me: “Oh, um… all right. I guess that’s fine.”

(He takes another few minutes to re-ring. Then, he takes the $1 from me, looks around, and realizes the $10 is in the drawer and the other change he had started counting — but hadn’t finished — was outside.) 

Cashier: “This isn’t enough money.”

Me: “That’s because that’s the change you were giving me. I gave you a $10 and a $1. My total was $6, so my change should be $5.”

Cashier: *looking more confused than ever* “I think I should call a manager.”

Me: “That’s probably for the best.”

(It takes a few minutes for the manager to come over. At this point, I’ve been there for ten minutes, and there is a line starting to form. One lady behind me only got there recently, and hasn’t seen the previous interactions. She is starting to get really agitated. )

Manager: “So, what’s going on?”

Me: “My total was $6. I gave him a $10 bill. He didn’t have enough change for me, so I gave him a $1 bill to get a $5 back. The $10 is in the drawer, my $1 is right there, and the original change he was trying to count out is that pile there. With all the money swapping around I think there was some confusion. If it makes it easier, I can take my money back and just pay with a card.”

Cashier: “No, we can’t redo a transaction once we start it.” *to manager* “Can you please count my drawer so we can start over?”

(While the manager starts to count the drawer, and I’m wondering why he could cancel the transaction before but not now, the old lady behind me implodes.) 

Lady: “Oh, my God! I’ll just pay for her if it’s that big of a deal. Jesus, girl. You should have paid by card to begin with instead of wasting our time with your scam!”

(She rants for a while, and I just ignore her. Eventually, the manager is done counting.)

Manager: “She did exactly what she said she did. Just give her her $5, and in the future don’t cater to people who want special attention.”

(I was finally given my change after 20 minutes and upsetting everyone in the store. Was I the wrong one?)

So-Dum

, , , , , | Learning | November 6, 2019

(I’m going to high school in the late 90s. We have a couple of teachers who have enough tenure that they know they can’t get fired, and are slightly crazy. This makes for some very interesting classes; my chemistry teacher is one of these. A brief bit of background, which will be relevant later: my father is a chemical engineer and taught me quite a bit about chemical reactions. This particular class starts out different from normal, with the teacher having all of us get up and stand out in the hallway. He has us gather around the door, looking into the room. On the counter, he has a large beaker of water.)

Teacher: “We’re going to do the sodium reaction today.”

Me: *thinking* “Cool, this is a pretty fun experiment.”

(I then watch as he goes to the supply closet, brings out the sealed container, puts on gloves, and proceeds to remove a block of sodium about an inch thick and the size of his palm. I’m waiting for him to remove a small piece of it to begin the experiment, but instead, he grips the whole thing between two fingers, stretches his arm out as far from his body as he can, and drops the whole thing in. The instant he lets go, he starts sprinting towards the supply room.)

Me: “Oh, sh–” 

(I barely have time to say the words, as I, too, dive to get out of the doorway.)

Sodium: “KABOOOM!”

(The sodium reacted predictably, with a massive explosion. Water and glass went everywhere, ceiling tiles got singed, and everyone who didn’t know what to expect started freaking out. I am still amazed that the fire alarm didn’t go off, or that no one called the police.)

The Nightmare Birthday Before Halloween

, , , , , | Friendly | October 31, 2019

(For one reason or another, my friend celebrates her birthday on Halloween, even though she was born mid-November. I don’t mind people celebrating their birthdays earlier or later than the actual day, I’ve done it myself, too… but… well… This takes place the morning of Halloween. I tell my friend I am not able to attend her party this year weeks in advance, and I remind her again.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend]! I’m sorry I won’t be there tonight, but I got you a little birthday present to make up for it!”

Friend: “Y-You’re… what?! You’re coming tonight!”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t… My parents want me to chaperone my little brother and his friends while they trick-or-treat tonight. I thought I told you this a little while ago?”

Friend: “I thought you were going to cancel that?! Tonight is supposed to be special!”

Me: “Well… what were you planning on doing?”

Friend: “I was going to have my mom make me some dinner, and then we’d stay in and watch [Series she is obsessed with, though I don’t much care for] all night!”

Me: “I’m sorry. But my little brother is dying to go trick-or-treating tonight, and my parents aren’t able to go with him.”

Friend: “What’s so special about tonight that it’s more important than my birthday?!

Me: “Um… Halloween? You know… spooks and treats and costumes? You weren’t even born on Halloween, though.”

Friend: “So?! It’s my day! It’s more important! Either you come tonight or I’m done talking with you!”

Me: “Well, my brother kind of comes first… especially his safety.”

Friend: “I hope you get hit by a car or mugged or something. That’ll teach you to place something so stupid over my f****** birthday.”

Me: “YOU WERE BORN NOVEMBER 18TH!”

Friend: “F*** off, you b****!”

(I just walk away and continue with the rest of the school day. Later that night, while my little brother and his friends are finishing up their costumes, I get a text from my friend.)

Friend: “Hey! I’m sorry about earlier. I’m so glad you changed your mind! I can’t wait to see you tonight!”

(I was genuinely confused, as I hadn’t spoken to her since that morning, never mind cancel on my brother. I ignored her and went out trick-or-treating with my little brother. I admit I was a little bummed out, and my brother noticed… and as sweet as he was, he revealed he brought an extra bag for me so I could get candy, too. I got a decent amount that night and all of us got back safe and sound, having a great night! I didn’t exactly hear the end of it, though, as the next day my friend laid into me about ignoring her, and about how her party and TV marathon was more important than the safety of some brats. I don’t speak with her anymore.)

Jeepers, Creepers, Where’d You Get That Sketchbook

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2019

(I eat really fast and don’t chat incessantly as my family does at meals, so I bring my new sketchbook with me. We are in a booth and I sit in the corner with the sketchbook only facing me. Afterward, I forget to take my sketchbook with me but when I remember, I go back just in time to see [Waitress #1] handing my sketchbook to [Waitress #2], but it slips and falls open on the counter.)

Waitress #2: *screams*

Waitress #1: “What…” *sees sketchbook and jumps* “Oh… my.”

Waitress #2: *runs to the back*

Me: “Sorry, sorry, that’s mine! I’m really so sorry for the scare.”

(I had been drawing, in full color, bloody ripped out eyeballs and a bloody dripping heart held by a hand, and had started on a dude with his bloody intestines coming out of his body since it’s Halloween soon.)