(I’m used to a different branch of this fabric store, but I happen to be near this one and won’t make it back in time to visit the other before they close. Unfortunately, because I’m not familiar with this branch, I don’t know where anything is.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am? Can you tell me where I might find safety eyes for making a stuffed animal?”

Employee: *leans against the counter with her arms crossed* “No.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Employee: “I said no. As in I can’t tell you. I’m new, duh!”

Me: “Well, I know you all have the radios. Will you ask another employee for me?”

Employee: “Look, I said I’m new, okay? I’m not helping you.”

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Employee: “This b**** won’t listen to me! I said I can’t help her. I’m new!”

Me: “All I asked her was if she could tell me where to find safety eyes you’d use for making a stuffed animal. When she said she didn’t know, I asked her if she’d ask somebody. This isn’t the store I usually come to, so I’m not familiar with your floor plan.”

(The manager directs me to a nearby aisle where the things I need are, but while I’m there I overhear this.)

Manager: *to the employee* “You were stocking that section for me five minutes ago. Why are you over here leaning on the counter?”

Employee: “I’m on break.”

Manager: “You’re here for the overnight. You JUST started. Why do you think you get a break already?”

Employee: “Because I wanted one. And I shouldn’t have to stock stuff during store hours. I’m here for freight.”

Manager: “I had you come in early so you could help the closing crew since we’re short-handed.”

Employee: *tearing up* “That’s it! You’re not being fair to me. I’m going to quit if you don’t start treating me better!”

Manager: “You know what, you’re not working out.”

Employee: “Excuse me? Don’t you know who I am?!”

(The assistant manager, who is the employee’s uncle, approaches at this point to see what is going on. The manager explains to the assistant manager what has happened.)

Employee: *to the assistant manager* “Uncle Rich, he thinks he can fire me!” *points to the manager*

Assistant Manager: “Well, he’s my boss too, so he can. By the way, you’re fired!”

(Employee #1 in this story has just recently been hired.)

Guest: “I’d like a latte with soy.”

Employee #1: “Soy?! What’s wrong with regular milk?”

(The guest is taken aback, so another employee steps in to help the new employee.)

Employee #2: “Soy milk is made from beans, whereas regular milk comes from cows—”

Employee #1: “Beans?! I ain’t messing with no beans!” *to guest* “Why do you want that?”

Guest: “I’m lactose intolerant.”

Employee #1: *completely serious* “Oh, girl, are you lactating?!”

(This exchange takes place between myself, my manager, and a very new coworker. This new girl is not exactly the brightest bulb in the box, and both myself and my manager have become very frustrated with her over her first few days because of her added laziness.)

Me: “Hey, [Manager], I think we’re out of fries up here.”

Manager: *to the new girl* “We need french fries, but it’s very busy. Could you run downstairs and grab a few bags?”

New Coworker: “Where are they?”

Me: “Alright, just go downstairs into the room with the freezers. If you open the freezer against the back wall, there will be large, clear bags full of frozen french fries right on top. Could you grab three bags, please?”

New Coworker: *blank stare*

Manager: “French fries. We need fries now, please.”

New Coworker: *still staring blankly* “What’s a… freezer?”

(The pharmacy I work at has just lost several techs at once, so we’ve hired a few new people. One of these new coworkers isn’t working out at all.)

Pharmacist: “Hey, could you help out in the front for a minute? I think [coworker who isn’t working out] could use a hand.”

Me: “Sure. Hi, [regular customer], what can I do for you?”

Regular Customer: “Oh good, I’m trying to get a refill.”

New Coworker: *to Regular Customer* “I keep telling you, you don’t have any!”

Me: *to Regular Customer* “Let me just check on it for you.”

New Coworker: *to me* “Why? I already told him he didn’t have one.”

Me: “Actually, he has enough refills for the rest of the year. What are you looking at?”

New Coworker: “No, you’re wrong. I know what I saw!”

Regular Customer: “I knew I had some. I was starting to think I was going to have to call my doctor. Thank you so much, [my name]!”

New Coworker: *to Regular Customer* “You need to leave right now. GET OUT!”

Me: *to New Coworker* “Whoa, what do you think you’re doing? You do not have ANY authority to kick a patron out.”

New Coworker: “He’s being unruly.”

Me: “What? No, he’s not. You’re just being rude.”

New Coworker: “No, you’re just trying to make me look stupid. I know exactly what I saw.”

(I examine my new coworker’s computer screen.)

Me: “You were looking at the wrong person.”

New Coworker: “No, I wasn’t!”

Me: “Sorry, but the name on your screen is a woman’s. [Regular Customer] is a man. It happens.”

New Coworker: “You changed it!”

Regular Customer: “Are you kidding me? Listen kid, you were wrong. It’s not that big of a deal. It happens. Just man up already.”

New Coworker: “You, shut up! I’m not talking to you, old man!”

(The pharmacist has been listening to the entire conversation. He decides he’s had enough.)

Pharmacist: *to New Coworker* “Get over here, right now!”

New Coworker: *rudely* “I’m BUSY! I’m trying to work, but—”

Pharmacist: “Get your stuff. You’re fired.”

New Coworker: “You can’t fire me!”

(At this point, the store manager also comes over.)

Store Manager: “I can. Get your stuff. You are no longer employed here.”

New Coworker: “YOU CAN’T FIRE ME! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST TRYING TO MAKE ME LOOK STUPID!”

Regular Customer: “No one has to try and make you look stupid, son. You’re doing a fine job of that all by yourself.”

(My coworker carried on and screamed obscenities. We ended up having to call the police to remove him from the store!)

(My very first job is as a fountain girl at a popular restaurant/ice cream place. Since I work the late shift, I haven’t been trained in proper restaurant abbreviations. The Head Waitress, upon reviewing the night’s orders, comes flying over to me holding one of my orders.)

Head Waitress: “Holy HECK, [My Name], what did you give this customer?!”

Me: *sheepishly* “Um… well, I used ‘FU’ for ‘fudge’ and ‘CK’ for ‘cake’.”

Head Waitress: “Let’s go over abbreviations, shall we?”