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Not The Sharpest Blade

, , , , | Working | September 10, 2012

(My store is often used to train new managers for other stores. We are currently training a manager who tends to micro-manage everything.)

Manager-in-training: “Alright, before we begin to cut down these boxes that we’re throwing away, let me instruct you on how to use a knife.”

Me: “It’s cool; I’ve been doing this for three years. I know how to use a knife.”

Manager-in-training: *ignores me* “Okay, when you use a knife, always make sure to point the knife AWAY from you!” *demonstrates*

Me: “You do know that I’m an Eagle Scout, right?”

Brainless MammAlien Vs. Predator

, , , , | Working | August 31, 2012

(I pick up a game and take it to the counter. The assistant manager, who I know from my frequent visits, is behind the counter along with a new hire I’ve never seen before.)

New Hire: *grinning at me* “Hey there. How you doing?” *looks down at the game box I’ve handed him and reads it aloud* “Predator: Concrete Jungle…” *glances up at me, still grinning* “So, is this a gift for your boyfriend?”

Me: “Oh, no, it’s for me. I’m a HUGE Predator fan and have been since I was a kid. I have all of the movies and want to get some of the comics.”

New Hire: *still grinning* “So, does that mean you don’t have a boyfriend?”

Me: “No, I have a boyfriend…” *show him my promise ring* “He just prefers games like Call of Duty.”

New Hire: “Oh, so what’s the game for? Just to add to your Predator collection?”

(The assistant manager has heard everything. Tired of his coworker’s stupidity, he speaks up.)

Assistant Manager: “It’s for her to PLAY! She comes in here about the same time every week! All of the games she buys are for her or her younger sister who comes with her sometimes!” *to me* “I’m sorry.”

Me: “That’s okay. I get that a lot.”

New Hire: “Since when are nerdy chicks hot?”

Me: “Riiight… I’ll just take my game and go now.” *to the assistant manager* “See you around.”

(I definitely saw the assistant manager around, but not the new hire—thankfully, he no longer works there.)

Not Ever Working, Part 4

, , , , | Working | August 27, 2012

(I’m training a new coworker on how to close up the front line and clean up the equipment. It’s her first night, but I’ve been getting the feeling that it’s not going to work.)

Me: “So, we need to make sure to empty out both the sweet and unsweet tea urns and clean them every night. I’ll show you where the cleaning solution is after we put these back in the sink.”

(We put both tea urns in the sink and start soaking them.)

Me: “Now we let it soak a bit, and while we’re waiting we can do multiple things. We can take the nozzles off of the soda dispenser, we can sweep the floor, and we can fill up the plates, cups, silverware, straws, and napkins so that the morning shift won’t have to worry about it.”

New Coworker: “Why? They should be able to do it when they get in.”

Me: “I’ve worked the morning shift before, and it’s really hectic trying to get everything in order for the food. The front line generally gets pulled in to working with the servers to get the restaurant opened and the food set in the buffet slots.”

New Coworker: “But it’s just as much their job to get their spot ready as when we get here. Why can’t we just leave it as we got it this evening?”

(At this point, I’ve heard variations of what our job ‘should be’ all evening. I send her off to do some other work. My manager comes from the back while she’s gone. Ever since I accurately predicted how long the last three front line employees I trained would stay, she’s always asked me about them.)

Manager: “So, what do you think?”

Me: “I give her two work days before she figures out that work is actually work instead of standing around. She might shape up, though, if she realizes what we have to do isn’t that much. I’m hoping she sees that tonight when I show her that the biggest things to clean are the urns and floor, but I’m not expecting too much from her.”

(The new coworker comes back and we finish stocking the front. We start scrubbing the tea urns.)

New Coworker: “So, do we have to do this every time we work the evening shift? It seems like a lot of repetitive stuff that would be better to do once a week.”

Me: “If we don’t clean the urns, the tea that’s left on the sides will start to make the urn stink and will cause the tea we make the next day to taste funny. Plus, the sweet tea’s sugar will start to form a sticky film.”

New Coworker: “I don’t like tea, so I didn’t know that…”

(We finish up the urns and go to the front to clean the soda dispenser. We get a bucket of scalding water and start to take the nozzles off of the machine and put them in the water.)

New Coworker: *sighs* “This is annoying. It’s just going to get dirty like this tomorrow, so why do we have to do this?”

Me: “Because the syrup from the sodas will cause the nozzles to get sticky. We need to clean them so that it doesn’t grow mold or bacteria from the sugar.”

New Coworker: “Worrying about other peoples’ health makes this job have all of these worthless tasks!”

Me: “Well, we do work with a lot of people on a daily basis. We want to make sure we don’t cause anyone to get sick. These are very simple and quick things to do to make sure we give the customers a clean environment to eat in.”

New Coworker: “I’ve never had to worry about all this cleaning stuff. My mom just does it for me and says that I can pay someone to do it later. I’m working tomorrow. Are you going to be here tomorrow night?”

Me: “No, it’s Sunday tomorrow and I don’t work on Sundays.”

New Coworker: “So I’m going to have to do this all by myself?!”

Me: “[Manager] will be here. She can help you with customers if it starts to get busy. Have her check your line before you leave to make sure you didn’t forget anything.”

New Coworker: “I just started. Why am I working alone already?!”

Me: “It’s running the cash register and handing out drinks. You really don’t need multiple days to learn how to do it. The customers who come here are really nice, and can tell when you’re new.”

(At this point, I leave for the night. I don’t work the next day, so I come in on Tuesday after school expecting to see the girl there. However, I only see my manager at the register.)

Me: “Where’s [new coworker]? I thought she had the shift before me.”

Manager: “You were right. She said the job was just too much work for stupid little things and left yesterday!”

I Kissed A Girl And I (Don’t Care If You) Liked It

, , , , , | Working | August 16, 2012

(I’ve been working at this store for three years. All the staff knows I’m gay and has met my girlfriend several times when she’s come to pick me up after work. The new coworker has been around for a week but is completely clueless in many many ways. He walks up to me while I’m restocking candy.)

New Coworker: *in his best suave jock voice* “So, I saw on the schedule that you and I both get off work at the same time today. How about we grab a movie and hang out at my place tonight?”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Oh, yeah, I’m sure my girlfriend would just love that.”

New Coworker: “Ha! Good one! But no really, we should totally go to my place and make out. It’ll be hot.”

Me: “Ha! Good one!”

(I still think he’s joking, but hold up my wrist wearing my rainbow-colored “I don’t even think straight” wristband just in case.)

Me: “But no, really, my girlfriend would turn you inside out. She teaches at the [martial arts gym] down the street.”

New Coworker: “Holy s***! You’re gay?! Since when?”

(This whole time, my manager has been at the register two feet away. He’s trying not to laugh.)

Manager: “She’s been gay since forever, dude. Didn’t you see when her girlfriend came to pick her up yesterday and kissed her hello?”

New Coworker: “Yeah, but I thought they were just making out to look hot for all the guys! Girls do that all the time!”

Me: “Please tell me you’re not serious.”

New Coworker: “Duh! Everyone knows that. It’s only gay if it’s two guys. Girls are supposed to kiss when there are guys around, because it’s hot and girls HAVE to act hot for guys!”

Me: *utterly shocked*

Manager: “Wow… that’s just a little misogynistic. I think you need to get back to work and not bring the topic up ever again, or you’re fired.”

(Not surprisingly, my new coworker gets fired AND arrested a few days later for propositioning on one of our regulars. Our regular is not only very pretty, but is also only 15 and her father is a cop!)


This story is part of our Women’s Equality Day roundup!

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Asking For Trouble

, , , , | Working | July 27, 2012

(Due to an increase in my workload, I have delegated the task of filing documents to our receptionist at the suggestion of my boss. After many months of the receptionist repeatedly asking me the same questions over and over, this conversation ensues.)

Receptionist: “Hey, where do I file this document?”

Me: “In section 10.”

Receptionist: “How about this one?”

Me: “Also section 10.”

Receptionist: “Thanks!”

(Mildly annoyed with the receptionist’s repeated daily interruptions, I print out a written procedure on how to file documents.)

Me: “Hey [Receptionist], I figured maybe you had lost the procedure for filing or maybe I never gave it to you in the first place. So, if you have any questions on where the documents go, this should answer any questions you do have.”

Receptionist: “Oh yeah, I have that already!”

Me: “…You do?”

Receptionist: “Yep.”

Me: “Then why do you keep asking me where everything needs to be filed?”

Receptionist: “It’s just easier for me to keep asking you!”