(A new colleague and I are screen-checking a film that is about to start and making sure people aren’t disturbing others or fooling around. The “strobe lighting” warning comes up on the screen to alert anyone who is sensitive to light effects that they are in the film. The warning is white text on a black background but no speech.)

New Colleague: “What’s that for?”

Me: “To warn people the film contains strobe lighting in case they need to leave.”

New Colleague: “Why would they need to leave?”

Me: “Well, strobe lighting can cause seizures in people with epilepsy, for example, so they put a warning on it.”

New Colleague: “Oh, okay.”

(Pauses.)

New Colleague: “There’s no sound on it.”

Me: “No.”

New Colleague: “What about the blind epileptics?”

This story is part of our Epilepsy roundup.

Read the next Epilepsy roundup story!

Read the Epilepsy roundup!

(Our regular cleaning lady, who’s also in charge of our cafeteria, mainly coffee machine maintenance, keeping the drinks refrigerator stocked, etc., is currently on a two-week holiday, and the agency we work with has sent a young temp to replace her. A couple of days into the temp’s stint, I walk into our usually spotless cafeteria to find the fridge a smelly mess, with drinks cans bathing in a puddle of spilled milk that’s gone off, and what appears to be a knocked-over bowl of soup on the top shelf adding a decorative dash of green. At that moment, our temp walks in, sits down, and starts browsing a newspaper.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Temp: “Oh, hi!” *continues reading*

Me: “Say, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the fridge seems to be in a bit of a mess. The milk’s gone off and has apparently been spilled all over the place, and there’s a knocked-over bowl of soup that’s seen better days.”

Temp: “Yeah, I know. That soup’s been there since Tuesday and it stinks.”

Me: “…”

Temp: “It stinks as soon as you open the fridge door, so you’d better keep it shut as much as possible.”

Me: *not quite knowing what to say to that* “So… how are you finding the job so far?”

Temp: *smiling* “Oh, it’s fine, really… A bit boring, though, as there’s not a lot for me to do. I don’t know how [Regular Cleaning Lady] does it, but it usually takes me only an hour or so to clean this place and restock the fridges, and the rest of the day I take it easy.”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Right, I see…”

This story is part of our Soup roundup!

Read the next Soup roundup story!

Read the Soup roundup!

(We are having our daily department meeting. I am training a new hire and it’s his first meeting. We often start out the meeting with small talk, and someone mentions that today is “Redhead Day.”)

Me: “Well, I’m a fake ginger, so I guess I wouldn’t be allowed to celebrate.”

Coworker #1: “And I’m a natural ginger, but I haven’t actually been one for a while now.”

Coworker #2: “You’re a redhead? No way!”

Coworker #1: *grins* “Yeah… I would prove it, but that might not be appropriate for the meeting.”

(The new hire’s entire face goes super red. After the meeting, I receive an email from [Coworker #1.])

Coworker #1’s: “Hey, did I traumatize the new kid?”

Me: “He’ll live.”

This story is part of our Redhead roundup!

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the Redhead roundup!

(I am working at a high school in the IT department. We have recently hired a new technician. Today is her first day. I have just concluded the building tour.)

Me: “So, that’s about it. Do you have any questions?”

New Hire: “Yeah, do you guys have a fridge where I can stash my lunch?”

Me: “Sure. It’s in the backroom on the left.”

(Five minutes later, I go back to get a cup of coffee.)

Me: “Um, [New Hire], what do you think you’re doing?”

New Hire: “Oh, I’m just cleaning the fridge. I’m a vegan, you see, and I can’t have my lunch contaminated with any animal products.”

Me: “So, you threw away EVERYTHING in the fridge?”

New Hire: “Well, yeah. Everything in there had some sort of animal product in it. And you will never wear that leather jacket again around me. I’m a vegan and it disgusts me. And I’m going to tell the director that she needs to get rid of her leather purse.”

Me: “Yeah, good luck with that.”

(The new hire was fired immediately when she attempted to throw away my director’s purse and everything in it, as it was “contaminated.”)

This story is part of our Vegan Roundup!

Read the next Vegan Roundup story!

Read the Vegan Roundup!

(Just a couple of months into starting a new position at a new company, my boss cuts half my staff without telling me.)

Boss: “I know you’re essentially the entire department right now, but we’re going to set up some interns for this summer and fall.”

Me: “Well, that’s something, at least. I’ll need someone who can take the station vehicle to go cover events.”

Boss: “Can’t do it. We can’t put them on our insurance, and I won’t pay their gas money.”

Me: “Okay… then I’ll use them to fill in on-air for when I or [coworker] is out.”

Boss: “Nope. No interns on air. Full-time employees only.”

Me: “Um… well, since you got rid of my night news guy, then I’ll just have them post stories on the website overnight so we can have fresh content in the morning.”

Boss: “Nope. Interns can only work until 4:30. No later.”

Me: “So you cut my entire staff, and you’re going to replace them with interns that can’t do a single thing that the former employees did?”

Boss: “Yeah… what’s the problem?”

Me: “Just… never mind. I don’t need any interns then.”

(I come back from vacation to find out that I now have to ‘manage’ two interns who cannot do anything I need them to do.)