I was working at a sports store and the owners hired a new manager. This manager had never worked at a sports store before but had previously managed a ladies’ shoe store.

Although I was just a worker, I was asked to teach the new manager about the store and about the equipment we sold. The manager was absolutely oblivious to what any equipment was; at one point he held up an elbow pad for hockey and asked if it was a knee pad. I explained to him what it was for, and continued training my new boss.

I left for lunch one day and left him on his own, and after I came back he left for his lunch. Shortly after, a man who was about 6’5″ came in and asked to purchase the clubs he had the manager put away earlier today.

The man gave me his name, so I went to the back of the store and found the clubs with his name on them. I came back out and asked him if the clubs were for his wife.

The man told me they were for him. I informed him that the clubs the manager was going to sell him were in fact ladies’ clubs and were way too small for him. The customer was upset about the fact that the manager didn’t know what he was doing. So, I found a set of clubs in the store that would work for him. The clubs were $300.00 more than the clubs the manager tried to sell him, so I gave him a $300.00 discount and the customer was happy.

When the manager came back, I asked him why he tried selling this tall man a set of ladies’ clubs. The manager said that he wasn’t aware that there was difference in clubs, so he just picked a set of clubs and told the customer they were good for him.

There are so many other examples of this manager’s lack of knowledge. With him at the helm, the store only stayed open for another four months, at which time they went belly-up.

(I work in the deli of a big box store. Even though I have only been there two months, my manager keeps having me train people. This irritates me because it’s well beyond my pay grade. I tend to become snarky to certain questions because of this, especially when new hires say they have been in deli environments.)

New Hire: “Can you show me how to use the shrink wrapper again? Mine looks messy.”

(I don’t understand how wrapping opened cheese can be messed up, because it’s just plastic wrap on a slightly heated pad to make it stick better.)

Me: “Show me how you’re doing it.”

(She wraps the cheese and it looks fine.)

Me: “It’s fine. The only other thing some people do is take an extra ten seconds to set the edges on the heat pad so it sticks better if they have time.”

Trainee: “But it’s not pretty.”

Me: “These are opened cheeses we are slicing, not displaying. Do you have a crush on the provolone and feel the need to impress it?”

(My first week on my first job at an amusement park when I am 16, a customer comes up to me with the following:)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know where [Theater] is?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I do not.”

Customer: “How could you not know where this theater is?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is my first week.”

Customer: “Maybe you should learn the park you work in.”

Me: “Well, I am sorry, sir, but maybe if I had a park map in my front pocket, I could help you out.”

(The customer looked down at his park map in his pocket and stormed off.)

(A new employee at our company has requested a mobile phone; this is not something we normally provide, but the user is insistent and his manager has approved the decision.)

New Employee: “Hi, I came down because in the email it said I was approved for a [base mode], but I need a [premium model], instead.”

Me: “We don’t normally purchase those for anyone below the executive level, as they are considerably more expensive than the [base model].”

New Employee: “No, it absolutely must be a [premium model]. Only [premium model] has the features I need. I cannot do my job without it!”

Me: “Okay, we’ll order one for you.”

(The man goes away satisfied, and then comes in about ten minutes later.)

New Employee: “If it turns out I don’t like it, I can just give it back to you guys, right?”

(I manage a locally-owned pizza shop where we have a “continual sale” on our cheese pizzas. I am chatting with a new hire about normal customer service issues we encounter.)

New Hire: “So, do we actually get people who are angry because pepperoni is not automatically included on their pizza?”

Me: “Oh, my God. You have no idea.”

(I start to give her several examples, but get summoned to the front register by the door chime.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Are you placing an order for here or to go?”

Customer: “Yeah, give me one of those medium cheese pizzas for $6. Oh, and throw some pepperoni on there, too.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. Your total for carryout is $7.69.”

Customer: “WHAT? $7.69?! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE $6 PIZZA DEAL?!”

Me: “My apologies, sir. The $6 deal is for the cheese pizza; adding pepperoni also adds the price for one topping, bringing your total to $7.69.”

Customer: “Well, that’s some d*** expensive pepperoni, then! Fine, here’s your money, but it’s highway robbery, I tell you!”

(I give him his change, then carry the ticket back to the pizza kitchen.)

Me: “Hey, [New Hire], f*** you; you summoned them! So, please make this gentleman’s medium cheese pizza, add pepperoni, for me.”

New Hire: “My sincerest apologies, friend; I did not mean to summon the demon hordes. I shall pay for my error by making the best cheese pizza, add pepperoni, that you have ever seen!”

(I think she’ll fit in quite well with us.)