Will Not Be Influenced By The Influencer

, , , , , , | Right | August 8, 2019

(A customer appears late one day. He is obnoxious and keeps asking for free coffee in exchange for positive Yelp reviews. My supervisor takes pity on him and pours him a cup. Two days later, he comes back in:)

Customer: *slams a case of Monster energy drinks on the counter* “I’m here for my regular.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I’m here for my free coffee.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t give out free coffee.”

Customer: “You must be new. I was in here the other day. I get a free coffee in exchange for a positive Yelp review.”

Me: “I was working when you came in. My supervisor made an exception, but I really can’t. I’m sorry. I’ll be happy to sell you a coffee.”

Customer: “BUT I WRITE POSITIVE REVIEWS!” 

(We stare each other down a few seconds.)

Me: “And we appreciate that. But I still can’t give out free coffee.”

Customer: “Well, the service here has certainly gone downhill. Maybe I’ll write about that.”

(A line has formed behind him and my patience is wearing REALLY thin). 

Me: “Are you trying to blackmail us into giving you free items by threatening negative reviews?”

Customer: *yelling* “MAYBE! THE SERVICE HERE IS REALLY AWFUL!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. But a line has formed behind you and if you aren’t going to purchase anything I do have to ask you to leave.”

(He walks out, still yelling about my terrible customer service skills. He returns a few moments later and attempts to sell Monster to our customers. I politely excuse myself from the line of customers and tell him again to leave.)

Woman: *in line behind him* “What the f*** was that?!”

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Little Girl Sworn To Secrecy By Older Sibling Finds Loophole By Talking Baloney

, , , , , , | Related | November 15, 2018

My father, the youngest of four, was born in the mid-thirties, so this would have taken place in the late forties.

One day he discovered that his mother had brought home a whole salami, and thought he’d just have a little bit. Temptation got the better of him, and his sister caught him polishing off the last of it. He swore her to secrecy, saying, “No matter what, you don’t know anything about the salami.”

An hour later, their mother walked in and his sister walked up to her and said, without any prompt, “What salami?”

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Your Account And Thermometer Are In The Red

, , , , , , , , | Working | October 6, 2017

I worked at a franchise location of a sandwich shop that was owned by a husband and wife who were notoriously cheap.

In early July, right after Independence Day, the air conditioning broke and they priced it out to be a $300-500 repair. They decided that because summer was “almost over” we should suck it up, and they would fix it in the autumn or winter when they could get a better rate.

The weather continued to get hotter and more humid. On several occasions, my coworkers had to leave shifts early because of heat sickness. It was regularly over 90 degrees, and with the bread ovens going, we were left working with sweat dripping down our faces, pools of sweat under our armpits, and our shirts sticking to our backs. We made a point of babysitting each other to watch for signs of dehydration and to remind each other to drink water.

Then, the freezer stopped working; we lost several hundreds of dollars of frozen stock because the freezer broke from running too hard. The icemaker in the soda fountain broke. Then, one of our service fridges. In order to serve customers, we had to walk back and forth from the prep room for sandwich meats. Then, the toaster oven overheated. One of my coworkers finally actually passed out on shift one afternoon, and my bosses were pissed that I was called in to cover her, because I ended up with overtime. Customers stopped coming into the building because of the oppressive heat.

By September, my bosses were out several thousand in repairs, stock replacement, and new equipment, all because they wanted to pinch a few pennies.

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 68

, , , , , , | Right | August 9, 2017

(I work for a bank where the majority of our accounts are with college-age students. Many of them have never before had a bank account or had any financial education. A lot of our calls deal with upset account holders with negative or overdrawn accounts, and they can’t understand how it got that way. This call lasts about an hour total, an hour that I will never get back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. I am [My Name]. May I please have your account number?”

Customer: *provides account number and verifies herself*

Me: “Thank you for that information; how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, um, I should have more money in my account. Why don’t I have any more money?”

Me: *pulls up statements and reviews them quickly* “I’m sorry, ma’am, it looks like you spent your funds in the last week or so. I’m seeing a lot of transactions on your statements. Have you looked at them yourself?”

Customer: “Yeah, I looked at them, and I know I bought all that stuff, but I should have more money. Where’s the rest of it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It appears you’ve spent all the money currently in your account. The balance you see displayed is how much you have left.”

Customer: “NO! I know I should have more money. I did NOT spend that much. WHERE IS THE REST OF MY MONEY?!”

(As a way to calm the customer, I offer to go over their transactions with them one by one and explain how the money got spent. I proceed to spend the next half hour going line by line in their statement, explaining the debits of each purchase and the remaining balance after the purchase starting from when they received their deposit earlier in the week.)

Me: “So you see, ma’am, this is why your account is at this balance. The purchases we just went over brought your total to what you see now. Do you think any of the items should be disputed as an unauthorized transaction?”

Customer: “Hmm, uh-huh, yes, I do recall all of those purchases. I just don’t understand where all my money went.”

Me: “Ma’am, as we discussed, you spent the money. There is nothing left from your deposit. What you see is what you have.”

Customer: “So then why don’t I see the rest of my money? Did your company take it? Are you stealing from me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what money you are referring you. You received a deposit of [amount] on [Date] and since then you’ve spent all but the $5.14 you see now on your balance page. We just went over each transaction you made since the deposit and you confirmed them with me. You have spent all your funds; there is no more money left.”

Customer: “What do you mean? I KNOW I have more money. You took it! I know you did! Your company is a sham! I’m telling everyone to stay away from you.”

(This tirade goes on for over five minutes, with her screaming obscenities, calling me a liar, demanding I put the money back into her account, etc.)

Customer: You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!” *slams phone*

Me: *stunned silence*

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Using A Fresh Tactic

, , , , , , | Right | June 2, 2017

I work in a restaurant that has double-decker coffee makers, meaning you brew a pot in the normal fashion, put the finished pot on a burner above the brewer, then make another pot.

A regular would always ask for a cup of coffee “from the fresh pot,” meaning the pot that was newly made instead of the one on the top burner. He never listened when I told him that the coffee on the top burner was only sitting there long enough for the second pot to be made.

After a while, it became annoying.

One day, I happened to look up and saw him making his way toward the restaurant. The second pot had just finished brewing, so I immediately switched pots. Sure enough, the regular made his usual request for the “fresh pot.” No problem, sir! He never noticed the difference.

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