A Good Sense Of Humor Is The Best Drug

, , , , , | Related | May 16, 2018

(I have this “conversation” with my father every few weeks when I am living with him in my mid-twenties.)

TV Commercial: “Talk to your kids about drugs.”

Dad: *yelling from the TV room* “[My Name]! Don’t do drugs!”

Response #1: “You’re ruining my life!

Response #2: “Well, I can’t get a refund!”

Response #3: “But I already sent out the party invitations! Also, don’t come home Friday!”

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The Darkest Cloud On This Day Is You

, , , , | Working | May 16, 2018

(I work for a real estate office. I am getting ready to take time off for my wedding, so I have notified all the agents that I will be unavailable, and told them the reason why. I get a few kind words and wishes throughout the week as people see me, and then there is this interaction. I will also add that, throughout this whole conversation, the agent remains completely deadpan.)

Agent: *approaches me* “I believe congratulations are in order.”

Me: “Thank you!”

Agent: “Is it an outdoor wedding?”

Me: “Yes, it is outdoors, so we have been keeping an eye on the weather, but it looks like it should be a clear day.”

Agent: “Oh, you’ll have plenty of cloudy days ahead. Don’t you worry.”

(With that, she left.)

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The Beard Knows…

, , , , , | Working | May 1, 2018

I work in a real-estate office. Our agents are in and out constantly, as is the nature of the business, but it’s a great group of people to work with and for, and a lot of pretty awesome interactions occur.

One of my favorites is around mid-October. A few of the men have started growing beards for the colder months ahead. One day, a male agent is entering the office and another male agent is leaving, both bearing noticeable chin scruff where they had previously been clean-shaven. They are about to cross paths when they both stop and stare at each other for a few seconds. They then simultaneously point at each other, gave a knowing nod, and then pass each other and go about their business, all without saying a word.

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Paying Bills Is A Resident Evil

, , , , | Working | April 18, 2018

(I apply to rent an apartment, only to realize a few hours later that I foolishly based my ability to pay rent on my total income rather than how much I have left after paying my bills, meaning the apartments are actually around two hundred dollars out of my price range. The complex’s website lacks any contact information aside from the application, and I have no intention of making a half-hour drive just to say “my bad,” but it’s such a minor issue that I figure I can just tell them what happened when they call, if they call me back at all. They do, and the following conversation takes place.)

Employee: “Hi, we’re calling to let you know that you’ve been approved as a potential resident. Can you come in for an interview on this date?”

Me: “Actually, I calculated my funds wrong, so I can’t afford your apartments after all. Sorry.”

Employee: “Okay. Are you still interested?”

Me: “No, I can’t afford it.”

Employee: “And why do you say that?”

Me: “Because I have other bills to pay.”

Employee: “I see. Would you care to come in for an interview, anyway?”

Me: *pause* “I would not. Thanks for calling.”

(I have to say I admired her persistence. Her performance, not so much.)

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Lost But So Very, Very Found

, , , , | Related | April 10, 2018

(This is back when my late husband is three or four years old. His family goes to another state to a well-known amusement park as a treat. While his parents’ backs are turned, he runs away. Being only four years old, my late husband is as fearless as our three-year-old daughter is now. When his mother finds out he was missing, they have security and many employees look for him, while she is beside herself, scared that her son is missing, or worse, kidnapped. They finally find him by one of the attractions, and while she is so mad at him, she can’t help but cry and hug him, prompting questions from him, and a silly answer.)

Husband: “Mama, why are you crying?”

Mother: “I was so scared!”

Husband: “But why were you scared? I’m okay!”

Mother: “We didn’t know where you were!”

Husband: “But, Mama! I knew where I was the whole time!”

(From what I understand, his entire family laughed so hard he didn’t get into trouble for that, but they have never gone back to that park since. When this was told to me, my reaction went from shock to laughing so hard I fell off the chair onto the floor, and my husband laughed right along with me. Knowing the memories of him like that makes me smile from time to time. Then, I have to remember I have his mini-me.)

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