Tasers And Batons And Sprays, Oh My

, , , | Right | August 4, 2018

(I work in a head shop, where we sell various knick-knacks, as well as adult novelties and smoking accessories. We have a beautiful sugar skull bust that sits on top of our humidor, which is not for sale. He is our unofficial store mascot, and we’ve named him Poe. Unfortunately for us, people have a hard time accepting that he is not for sale. We have a couple who comes in once a month and always makes a fuss about it.)

Woman: *gesturing to Poe* “I love this guy.”

Me: “As we’ve told you, ma’am, Poe is not for sale. We do have some sugar skulls over on the black shelving.”

Woman: “I remember. We were here about a month ago and I bought that sugar skull painting. I collect skulls.”

(I know all of this, as I’m the one who sold her the painting, and refused to sell her Poe then.)

Me: “We did get a new one in, down the bottom. It’s a bank.”

(The couple continues to shop while I watch them from behind the counter.)

Man: *trying to be funny and speaking loud enough for me to hear* “I could distract her, and you could grab him and make a run for it.”

Me: *getting really fed up because I don’t find jokes about stealing funny* “Go right ahead. But I will warn you: I have multiple tasers, pepper spray, and batons right next to me. I’ve been dying to try them out.”

(I flashed them my sweetest smile and pointed to the shelf. They both looked at me for a beat, then at the shelf full of weaponry right next to me, then continued to browse for another minute, before leaving empty-handed. I am happy to say, I haven’t seen either of them since!)

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Cash Back Attack, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | July 24, 2018

(I am the manager on duty at the store I work for. This particular store charges a $1 fee to get cash back from your debit card, and you are notified of this charge and must agree to it on the pin pad to receive the cash. I am in the break room when my cashier pages me to her register to help with an upset customer.)

Me: “Hello there. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I would like to do a return, but your cashier won’t help me!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. She actually doesn’t have the authority to do returns, but I would be more than happy to help you. What is it that you would like to return?”

Customer: “This!” *she throws $10 onto the counter and crosses her arms*

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I don’t understand. You want to return your cash?”

Customer: “That’s right! I just bought all this–” *holds up her bags* “–and got $10 cash back off my card, but didn’t know you charged me to get it. You’re stealing people’s money, so I don’t want the cash back anymore! Take it back, and just put that and the fee back onto my card.”

Me: “I… I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Here. Take my receipt. It shows that I did, indeed, get the cash back, so you should have no problem putting it back on my card for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we just can’t do returns on cash back. We can only do returns for items. If you want the money to be put back onto your debit card, then you will have to take it to the bank your checking account is with and deposit it there. But unfortunately, the fee will still be there because you still got cash back from us.”

Customer: “How do you think you are going to get away with this? You have some nerve charging me to take out my own money. You need to tell the customer if we are being charged for something! Otherwise, that’s just theft!”

Me: “I agree, that would be theft. However, on the pin pad, after selecting cash back, you were prompted with a message that let you know you would be charged a fee of $1 to get cash back, and you would have had to hit the agree button to receive it.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t read it, so I didn’t know what I was agreeing to. And since I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, it doesn’t count. I have bills to pay; I can’t just have people taking my money without me knowing first.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it works like any other contract. If you agree to the terms, then you are bound to them, whether you actually took the time to read them or not. You agreed to pay a $1 convenience fee, and you were given your $10 cash back. Unfortunately, there is nothing else I can do for you.”

Customer: “That is completely ridiculous! This is the worst customer service I have ever received! This is only my second time at [Store], and I will never shop here again. I’m going to tell everyone how [Store] steals from its customers! You will be out of business in no time!”

(She crumpled up her $10 bill, shoved it into her purse, and stormed out of the store. My cashier and I just stared at each other for a minute before getting back to work.)

Cash Back Attack, Part 4
Cash Back Attack, Part 3
Cash Back Attack, Part 2

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Unfiltered Story #115775

, , , | Unfiltered | July 4, 2018

(In downtown Portsmouth there is an independent coffee shop down the street from a Starbucks. Besides coffee, they also sell tea and assorted baked goods. The place gets frequented by bikers, especially when the weather is nice and they can sit outside with their food and drinks. A ditzy bimbo, obviously from out of town, is on her phone.)

DB to girl behind counter: “Just a [complicated Starbucks-style order].” (goes back to her phone.)

(The girl behind counter, as well as everyone who heard her gives her a O.o kind of look.)

(After about a minute she stops talking and looks at the girl) “I need a [whatever] right now. Hurry up! I’m in a rush!”

A huge biker standing right behind her taps her on the shoulder and says, “This ain’t Starbucks, *****. Be nice, order something normal, or get the **** out.”

(Bimbo’s eyes got REAL big as she looked at the guy, said “I have to call you back” to her phone, and boogied out the door.)

His Intelligence Is Undergoing Planned Obsolescence

, , , , | Right | July 4, 2018

(I work at a very popular phone, tablet, and computer store. I am at the entrance with a coworker waiting to help customers when she gets approached by an older gentleman.)

Customer: “I have a question.”

Coworker: “Okay! What’s up?”

Customer: “I have a computer running [software about five years old]. My Internet browser keeps telling me it’s out of date, but my software won’t update. How do I force it to?”

(My coworker is fairly new, so I can tell she isn’t sure how to answer the question. She tries to ask a few more questions to figure out what’s going on, but the customer just keeps saying he can’t find where to update. I step in to help her out.)

Me: “Sir, how old is your computer?”

Customer: “I don’t know; probably eight or nine years.”

Me: “Well, that could be your issue; your computer might not have enough power to run the newer software, so the system knows not to let you update. Otherwise, it can do some harm to your hardware, so really, it’s trying to save you!”

Customer: *now visibly angry* “SO, IT’S PREPLANNED OBSOLESCENCE, THEN?!”

Me: “I wouldn’t call it preplanned, but we can’t support all of our computers forever.”

Customer: “IT IS. They do this on purpose to make you spend money! I used to work with computers! I know!”

Me: “Then you of all people should know how progression of technology works. If we still supported every computer we’ve come out with for the last 30 years, we wouldn’t have come very far.”

Customer: *he scoffs and turns to start walking away* “I can’t believe this! Forced obsolescence! This is ridiculous!”

Me: *to my coworker after he’s out of earshot* “Well. Okay, then.”

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Unfiltered Story #115282

, | Unfiltered | June 30, 2018

(I work at a creamery, and every time a customer walks in, I give them a hello to make them feel welcome. The other day, while a coworker and I are behind the main counter, a pair of ladies, one older and one younger, walk into the store.)

Me: Hello! Welcome to Cold Stone!

(I go to clean off some spades to serve them, while they stand near our toppings. Another pair of people walk in and I greet them. They walk to the ice cream, where we serve people. I call to another coworker to help.)

Me: *looking to both pairs* How are you guys doing tonight?

Pair 2: Good!

Old Lady: *when I go to serve pair two* Alright, we changed our mind. *they go to leave*

Me: Have a wonderful night!

(I work on serving Pair 2. Not a minute later, the Old Lady comes back in.)

Old Lady: I want to speak with your manager. RIGHT NOW!

Coworker: Of course. We can give you his number.

Old Lady: I am so dissapointment. When I came in, no one was out here to great me! Then, she called to go and get someone, but then didn’t acknowledge us!

Coworker: Alright, I am terribly sorry, ma’am. I will give you my boss’s number

(I have anxiety, so I feel guilt and begin to tear up. I leave to take a break. In a few minutes, my other coworker comes back to tell me that every customer who was eating in the store thought she was crazy. Someone gave us a five dollar tip for dealing with her, and another said they would pay to see this kind of movie!)