Grooming A One-Liner

, , , , , | Working | January 1, 2019

My usual job at the boarding kennel is in the grooming department, drying and brushing the dogs for the groomers. However, needing the extra hours on a grooming-free day, I agree to do some outside work.

My boss has me clearing cobwebs and other collected grime from the sides of the building. After a while, a coworker pulls up to go inside. She greets me, and laughingly remarks that this isn’t my “usual job.” As I scrub out some extra thick crud, I reply with a grin, “Nope, I’m grooming the building today!”

She walks off cracking up.

Snow Way!

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

(I live in New England, it’s the end of October, and it’s snowing out. It’s not unheard of to be snowing this time of year, but it’s also not very common. This exchange happens at the front desk of the library.)

Patron: “It’s snowing out!”

Me: “I know! I hope it doesn’t last long.”

Patron: *disappointed* “Aw, I wanted to surprise you.”

Me: “Oh, sorry! Wait, say it again.”

Patron: *exaggerating* “IT’S SNOWING OUT!”

Me: *exaggerating back* “WHAT?! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!”

More Older Black Men For The Rest Of Us!

, , , , , | Friendly | July 31, 2018

(I am out grocery shopping with my father. As we get in line at the deli counter, we briefly talk about what to make for dinner that night. I then go to grab a few things from a nearby aisle while my father waits for our order. A woman who’d presumably been standing within earshot follows me. Two important things to note here: one, my mother — who passed away when I was a teenager — was white, but my father is Native American; two, because my father has fairly dark skin, people sometimes assume he’s African-American, instead. It seems to be random whether or not people can tell that I’m of mixed heritage, so occasionally I’ve gotten surprised reactions from pointing out my father in a crowd, but THIS was definitely a first.)

Woman: *approaches me, leans in, says in a hushed tone* “You really shouldn’t be dating older black men.”

(There are about a dozen things I want to say in response, but unfortunately I suffer from social anxiety and am very, very bad with face-to-face confrontations, so all I can do is stare at her with my mouth slightly open in shock before managing to respond.)

Me: “That’s my father.”

Woman: *long pause* “Oh.” *quickly walks away*

(I didn’t tell him because of the awkwardness of having someone assume we were dating, although I later recounted the story to my brothers, who found it to be hilarious. But seriously, on top of everything else wrong with what she said, why did she immediately think that an almost 60-year-old man and a college student MUST be romantically involved just because they talked about what to make for dinner?)