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Allergic To Bad Customers

, , , , , | Right | May 17, 2021

Twice every year since I was eight, I get what I call a sinus attack when the seasons change from summer to fall and from winter to spring. Basically, my sinuses go crazy — teary eyes, super runny nose, and sore throat — for five days. I’ll admit that it can look really bad, but I’m not contagious — I’ve been to the doctor a couple of times — and I can’t afford to miss ten days of work each year. This attack happens to land at the height of cold season.

I am scanning a customer’s groceries, having to occasionally blow my nose.

Customer: “You’d better not get me sick.”

Me: “I won’t. I’m not contagious; it’s just my allergies.”

Customer: “If you do, I’m going to sue you.”

Me: “Okay.”

I am thinking, “Yeah, right. You’ll forget about me.”

I forget about her. A week later, the customer comes up to me. I don’t recognize her immediately; she wasn’t the only one who was worried about me making them sick.

Customer: “I got sick.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “I missed three days of work.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to pay me? You have to pay me for the days I missed work because you got me sick.”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “Well, I’m going to sue you! You made me miss work because you got me sick!”

Me: *Faking calm* “You do what you have to do.”

Customer: “You have to pay me.”

Me: “No.”

She walked away in a huff and I proceeded to freak out and ask my coworkers about what would happen to me. Of course, my coworkers pointed out that there would be no way she could prove I made her sick and that she could have gotten sick from touching the shopping carts, etc.

Obviously, I never heard from her again, but seriously, what did she think she was going to be able to get from a retail worker? And I wasn’t contagious!

Looking For Some Vitamin Duh

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2021

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell herbals?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean. Are you looking for vitamins, essential oils, or something else?”

Customer: “No, I’m looking for herbals!”

Me: “Okay, well, vitamins are on aisle two, in case that’s what you are looking for.”

Customer: “I don’t want vitamins. I want herbals. You know, herbals? H-E-R-B-A-L-S?”

Yes, he actually spelled out herbals, as if that would clarify the confusion. I sent him to talk to the pharmacist. She came up to me a few minutes later. Guess what he was looking for? Yep, vitamins. Oh, humanity.

You’ve Been Unmasked As A Customer!

, , , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: czmAvery | May 2, 2021

My boyfriend and I have just placed an order at a coffee and waffle place. As we are heading outside to wait for our order, we run into another pair of customers. We kind of stare at each other for a moment, and then the woman points at the man with her.

Woman: “Hey, his mask just broke. Do you guys have a spare?”

I blink for a moment, a bit confused, because who carries around spare masks if they have their own cloth one? But I actually do have a spare because I traveled on a plane and bought a pack of masks to use. I only needed one but ended up getting five.

Me: “Yeah, actually. I should have one in the car.”

The woman’s eyes widen.

Woman: “I’m so sorry. I thought you worked here!”

I laughed and told her it was no problem.

That Comeback Was Under The Nose

, , , , , , | Right | March 21, 2021

I have just started double-masking. The disposable ones are a little large for my face, but they fit fine under cloth ones.

I am getting a customer checked in for a haircut. I start fidgeting with the masks because they are getting in my eyes. I explain this to the customer’s wife and we laugh it off. The husband is the one getting the haircut, and he has his mask under his nose.

As I’m settling into the haircut, the customer asks me condescendingly:

Customer: “Why not just wear three masks?”

Me: “Because two is just fine.”

There’s silence for a moment while I think of a cheeky comeback.

Me: “Besides, at least I can wear two masks properly on my face, unlike others.”

That’s The Trouble With Scammers; They Never Think Things Through

, , , , | Legal | March 19, 2021

Recently, we have been receiving a bunch of scam calls at my work. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got one. We are on the opposite side of the country from the headquarters, and they are three hours later than us. Also, they are never in the building on weekends. This call takes place on a Sunday evening.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “I need to talk to a manager.”

Me: “I’m the supervisor on duty. How can I help you?”

Scammer: “This is [Scammer] from corporate. We are seeing a high number of gift card sales just going through your Point-Of-Sale system. We believe you have been infected with malware.”

Me: “Sorry, but I know you’re not from corporate. You’re gonna have to try again later. Good effort, though.”

I think I was mostly baffled that they thought somebody would believe there was anybody in our corporate office at 11:00 pm on a Sunday!