This was some ten years ago, and while the conversation IS paraphrased, I remember it like it was yesterday.

At the time, I was working the grave and swing shifts as a casino player’s host in Reno, Nevada. For those who don’t know what this job is, we take care of the high rollers — make sure they get comps, dining and hotel reservations, invites to tournaments, limo rides, you name it. I wore a nice black blazer with a name tag, slacks, and comfortable but professional shoes, with my hair and makeup done.

On the days I worked the swing shift, I was off at 3:00 am, but after the wait for the bus and the ride home, I would make it to my place at about 5:00 am. Directly across the street from my home was a retail pharmacy chain. I stopped in a lot of mornings to grab a protein shake, pick up prescriptions, etc. But on Wednesday mornings, they put out a LOT of clearance items. You could snag small appliances for dirt cheap! So, I was always there on Wednesdays stocking up on Christmas and birthday presents, etc. The employees and manager knew me by sight, and some by name.

I was usually a zombie after work — like most people, I think — and this Wednesday was no different. I was looking over the latest selection, trying to decide if I NEEDED a new coffee maker or just wanted one because it was on clearance for like $5.

A woman was next to me, speaking Tagalog into her phone. I don’t speak it, but Reno has a pretty large Filipino community, so I could at least recognize it. Her language is not important to the story. It just struck me how odd the little things we remember are.

She finished her conversation and looked at me.

Woman: “Can I get a discount on this?”

I don’t remember what “this” was — some small appliance.

Woman: “The box is smashed up.”

Me: “No idea, but I would ask to plug it in to test it before I bought it if the box is damaged.”

I have no idea if anyone can actually do that, but it seemed reasonable to me.

Lady: *Demanding “Why would you sell something that doesn’t work?!”

I had no idea at this point that she thought I worked there; I thought she was making conversation. In my defense, I was half asleep and just wanted a good deal on a d***ed stick blender!

Me: “Oh, I absolutely wouldn’t sell it. But I’m not in the business of selling things anyway.”

Lady: “Oh, so you are too good and important to sell things? That is just for the low employees?”

I finally looked at her. Until then, I had been pretty focused on staying awake. I could see that she was getting angry. It dawned on me that I still had my name tag on. I slipped it off — they are the kinds with magnets, not pins — and stuck it in my pocket.

Me: “Oh, sorry, I forgot to take this off. I don’t actually—”

I started to say I didn’t work there, but she was having NONE of that!

Lady: “Oh, you think you are too good to help me? Just because I am Filipina?”

She may have said “Filipino”. I confess that I don’t know which is correct and am going only off memory.

Lady: “My money is good, you…”

She said something in Tagalog that did NOT sound flattering.

Lady: “You think you can trick me by taking off your name tag?!”

Me: *Sighing* “I don’t want your money. I don’t work here. I am shopping. Please leave me alone.”

She ignored everything I’d just said except to say:

Lady: “Oh, you won’t be getting my money because you need to give me this free for not helping me.”

I tried to reason with her.

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t give you that. I really don’t work here. If you take it without paying, that is stealing.”

Lady: “Oh, now you think I am poor and a thief?”

WTF? Where did “poor” come from?

Lady: “I want to talk to the manager of the whole store!”

Me: *Turning back to the shelf* “Lady, I wish you would f****** talk to anyone but me.”

I didn’t swear because I was angry; I just have a potty mouth. She stomped off, her heels making little “tick, tick, tick, tick” sounds on the linoleum.

I decided I DID need another coffee maker… AND that stick blender. As I was putting both in my cart, I heard, “Tick, tick, tick, tick”. Great, she’s back.

But she was not alone. The store manager was with her.

Lady: *Shrieking* “There she is! She called me a poor thief and said a swear at me! I want you to fire her and make her poor!”

Weird obsession with poverty…

Store Manager: *Confused* “What is happening?”

I grinned and held up my coffee maker.

Me: “SHOPPING!”

Store Manager: *Even more confused* “But why are you insulting her and swearing?”

Me: “She thinks I work here and wanted me to let her steal an appliance.”

Okay, I know that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but she started it!

This was the moment that her medication stopped working. In a very loud mix of English and Tagalog, she shrieked out our entire interaction. Surprisingly, she told it correctly, too — except that I didn’t put my name tag away to trick her.

[Store Manager] was done at this point.

Store Manager: “You’re fired.”

The woman grinned maliciously at me, grabbed her smashed-up box, and stormed off with [Store Manager] as I shrugged and made my way over to the allergy medication or some other area of the store. I don’t 100% remember, but I have terrible allergies, so that seems likely.

At the register, [Store Manager] asked me what had REALLY happened. I told him everything, including how I’d told her I wished she’d f****** talk to anyone but me.

Store Manager: *Laughing* “You’re still fired.”

Me: *Grinning* “Yay! Do I get a severance package?”

Store Manager: *Laughing harder* “To be fair, you did swear at her. Plus… you don’t actually work here, so… no severance package.”

I shopped there for many years before I moved, and I never saw her again, so I am sure she went on content with getting me fired and making me poor.

I visited Las Vegas and decided to gamble for the first time in my life. I went to see what craps was because I’d seen it in movies. It’s… not actually as fun as it looks.

I played it safe the whole time and lowballed my bets, but this other guy was matching my bets with larger, outrageous amounts of money. By the time I walked away, I was about a hundred up, which I later wound up spending on fancy meals

The guy who had been matching my bets was something like a hundred thousand up.

Later that night, when I was crossing the same casino floor, the guy confronted me and accused me of spoiling his luck by leaving early. After I left he’d kept betting for a while, and he ended up losing his hundred thousand and then some.

He was pissed and shouted at me about this. Security showed up fairly quickly, and when the guy tried to step closer to me — whether to hit me, to scream in my face, or what, I’m not sure — they grabbed him and escorted him away.

I decided that I was done gambling for the rest of my trip and went on to enjoy the shows, scenery, snacks, and sex of Las Vegas instead.

I’m a valet. When we park the customers’ cars, we have strict orders to use the parking brake.

A lady in a black Lexus is getting back into her car.

Me: “Here you are, ma’am. Just FYI, the parking brake has been engaged.”

She is on the phone, so she isn’t paying attention to me at all, but she throws me a ten, so I just shrug and take my tip.

Within seconds, she rolls down the window and starts yelling at me.

Driver: “You broke my car! It’s not moving!”

Me: *Politely* “Ma’am, that’s just the parking brake.”

Driver: “The what?!“

I come back and point it out to her.

Driver: “Oh, that’s what that is! I think I used that once; it stopped the car from moving and I had to get it towed to the shop.”

I’m now praying for that car.

My little brother is playing outside with his new friend. They are spraying each other with water guns.

While this is going on, a lady keeps driving by. At one point, she rolls her window down.

Woman: “Don’t you spray my car!”

[Little Brother] stands there, perplexed.

This happens multiple times over the next half-hour until my mom comes outside.

Woman: “Don’t spray my car!”

Mom waves her over, and she parks next to the curb.

Woman: “Are you their mother? Those kids shouldn’t spray cars. They almost hit me!”

She keeps rambling on until Mom cuts her off.

Mom: “First off, we have a rule that we don’t spray cars. I’ve been watching from the window. He never shot at you. Second, maybe you should roll up your window and stop driving by our house if you don’t want to be sprayed.”

The woman went off again, ranting about the kids and how she HAD to drive by the yard.

Eventually, Mom got fed up with this lady, took a water gun from the bucket, and sprayed her. She drove away swearing.

We haven’t seen her since.

A line at my register is starting to form. Customer after customer, I greet them, scan their items, bag them, and help them check out. A middle-aged woman cuts in front of everyone.

Customer: “Where’s your self-checkout?!”

Me: “We don’t have one, ma’am.”

That apparently isn’t a good enough answer because she insists:

Customer: “No, you do! When did you get rid of it?!”

Me: “We’ve never had a self-checkout.”

She sneers at me and throws her stuff down, storming out.

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I’m not stupid!”

Relate:
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 5
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 4
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 3
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself, Part 2
Self-Check Yourself Before You Self-Wreck Yourself