They’re Being Poor Examples Of Mammals

, , , | Friendly | July 12, 2017

(I’m looking at an exhibit with a dolphin. A mother with a stroller and a 4-year-old boy as well as a group of rowdy teenagers are nearby.)

Mom: “Look, sweetie, see the big fishy!”

Teens: *jeering* “It’s a MAMMAL.”

Mom: *ignoring them* “He’s coming closer. Say ‘hi’ to the fishy!”

Teens: *louder* “It’s a MAMMAL, lady! Not a FISH! Gawd, are you really this stupid?!”

(She gave up and led her son away so that they could try to enjoy the aquarium in peace. The teenagers continued to laugh and make fun of the poor mother. I wish I had the guts to remind them that biological classification wasn’t important information when they were that age!)

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Fast(Food) Becoming A Problem

, , , , , , | Working | June 28, 2017

(I very rarely hit up fast food restaurants as I don’t care for their food. I had to rush out the door this morning, though, and decide to grab some breakfast as I have a long day ahead of me.)

Me: “Hello! Can I get a number 10, the two-sausage breakfast burritos, please?”

Worker: “A number 2? Okay.”

Me: “No, sorry, a number 10.”

Worker: “Oh. Okay. We have ranch, bbq, and honey mustard. What kind of sauce would you like?”

Me: “For the burritos? Hot sauce, if you have any.”

Worker: “Hot or mild?”

Me: “Hot, please.”

Worker: “Mild?”

Me: *just wanting to get out of here at this point* “Mild is fine.”

Worker: “What to drink?”

Me: “An iced coffee with sugar free vanilla, please.”

Worker: “A caramel coffee. Anything else?”

Me: “No, sorry, an iced coffee with sugar free vanilla… That’s everything.”

Worker: “Okay, your total is [amount much higher than the menu price].”

Me: *hits head on steering wheel*

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Mom Thinks Your Problem Is Licked

, , , , | Related | June 26, 2017

(One teacher sends drug dogs to do a search at my high school. I have undiagnosed autism and bipolar disorder. The mere idea of anyone, even a dog, touching my backpack is enough to freak me out for days. My mom is also a teacher there.)

Mom: “Don’t worry. The dogs didn’t actually sniff anything. It was just practice.”

Me: *pulls out my breakfast* “Well, someone licked the cream cheese on my bagel.”

(My mom continued to insist no one had been in the bags. I got another breakfast.)

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The Mother Of All Bad Customers

, , , | Related | June 7, 2017

(I’m a college student who still lives at home and works part-time as a book-shelver. I keep my work and personal lives separate. One day, my mom appears at my library, and I’m totally immersed in work-mode and caught off-guard by her surprise visit.)

Mom: “Hi!”

Me: “O-oh, hi.”

Mom: *angry* “What?! Aren’t you happy to see me?”

Me: “That’s not it. It’s just that I don’t have time to talk right now, and I already took my break—“

Mom: “You can’t talk to your own mother?”

Me: “We can always talk later, but I’m working right now.”

Mom: “Fine. If you’re going to be like that, then help me find [Book].”

Me: “Okay. So if you go to the reference desk—“

Mom: “Why are you passing me off?! You don’t want to help me?!”

Me: “I don’t know the call number… y’know, the label on the spine? But they can look it up at the reference desk, and then I can help you find it.”

Mom: “Look it up there!” *she points to the patron computers*

Me: “Um… I’m really not allowed to do that. It’s outside of my job description and could get me in trouble.”

Mom: “Ugh, forget it! I don’t know WHY you’re treating me like this!”

(While the bad work experience was partly my own fault, the worst part is that it followed me home! I had to deal with my mom’s passive-aggressive comments about this incident for a long time.)

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Digital Video Dumdums

, , , , , | Right | May 29, 2017

(I used to work for a relatively popular video rental chain prior to it going out of business. I am pulling up my own account to see if I am about to have an overdue rental of my own. A customer in her late-40s or early-50s has been browsing the rentals.)

Customer: *approaches my coworker with a sealed new movie* “Hi, I’d like to buy this.”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, no problem. Just to let you know, we do have extremely high-quality used versions of this exact movie, and for what you’re paying for it new, you could get three used movies.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t buy used movies.”

Coworker: “That’s understandable. Sometimes the quality of the DVD isn’t what you’d hoped, scratches, yadda ya.”

Customer: “Oh, no, not that. I just don’t want my DVD player to get a virus.”

(At this point, I stop what I’m doing, because I cannot possibly have heard that. I turn my head just a bit to look at her. Customer has the most serious expression I’ve ever seen, and my coworker is currently trying to see if she’s being legitimate.)

Coworker: “DVD… viruses?”

Customer: “Yes, like computer viruses. You don’t know what sort of nastiness people let get into their DVD player, and I don’t want mine getting corrupted by anything!”

(At this point, I have to turn away from the register I’m on, because I’m about to start chuckling, and I would prefer not to be rude. I busy myself with the rental drop box while my coworker continues the struggle.)

Coworker: “…absolutely, ma’am. Those DVD viruses can be an absolute hassle, and you’re doing well to keep yourself protected.”

(He finishes ringing her up as I finally get myself in check.)

Coworker: “You have a wonderful day, ma’am.”

Customer: “You too, young man!”

(She leaves. We just look at each other.)

Me: “If I hadn’t been here, I’d never believe this.”

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