Mom Thinks Your Problem Is Licked

, , , , , | Related | June 26, 2017

(One teacher sends drug dogs to do a search at my high school. I have undiagnosed autism and bipolar disorder. The mere idea of anyone, even a dog, touching my backpack is enough to freak me out for days. My mom is also a teacher there.)

Mom: “Don’t worry. The dogs didn’t actually sniff anything. It was just practice.”

Me: *pulls out my breakfast* “Well, someone licked the cream cheese on my bagel.”

(My mom continued to insist no one had been in the bags. I got another breakfast.)

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The Mother Of All Bad Customers

, , , | Related | June 7, 2017

(I’m a college student who still lives at home and works part-time as a book-shelver. I keep my work and personal lives separate. One day, my mom appears at my library, and I’m totally immersed in work-mode and caught off-guard by her surprise visit.)

Mom: “Hi!”

Me: “O-oh, hi.”

Mom: *angry* “What?! Aren’t you happy to see me?”

Me: “That’s not it. It’s just that I don’t have time to talk right now, and I already took my break—“

Mom: “You can’t talk to your own mother?”

Me: “We can always talk later, but I’m working right now.”

Mom: “Fine. If you’re going to be like that, then help me find [Book].”

Me: “Okay. So if you go to the reference desk—“

Mom: “Why are you passing me off?! You don’t want to help me?!”

Me: “I don’t know the call number… y’know, the label on the spine? But they can look it up at the reference desk, and then I can help you find it.”

Mom: “Look it up there!” *she points to the patron computers*

Me: “Um… I’m really not allowed to do that. It’s outside of my job description and could get me in trouble.”

Mom: “Ugh, forget it! I don’t know WHY you’re treating me like this!”

(While the bad work experience was partly my own fault, the worst part is that it followed me home! I had to deal with my mom’s passive-aggressive comments about this incident for a long time.)

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Digital Video Dumdums

, , , , , | Right | May 29, 2017

(I used to work for a relatively popular video rental chain prior to it going out of business. I am pulling up my own account to see if I am about to have an overdue rental of my own. A customer in her late-40s or early-50s has been browsing the rentals.)

Customer: *approaches my coworker with a sealed new movie* “Hi, I’d like to buy this.”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, no problem. Just to let you know, we do have extremely high-quality used versions of this exact movie, and for what you’re paying for it new, you could get three used movies.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t buy used movies.”

Coworker: “That’s understandable. Sometimes the quality of the DVD isn’t what you’d hoped, scratches, yadda ya.”

Customer: “Oh, no, not that. I just don’t want my DVD player to get a virus.”

(At this point, I stop what I’m doing, because I cannot possibly have heard that. I turn my head just a bit to look at her. Customer has the most serious expression I’ve ever seen, and my coworker is currently trying to see if she’s being legitimate.)

Coworker: “DVD… viruses?”

Customer: “Yes, like computer viruses. You don’t know what sort of nastiness people let get into their DVD player, and I don’t want mine getting corrupted by anything!”

(At this point, I have to turn away from the register I’m on, because I’m about to start chuckling, and I would prefer not to be rude. I busy myself with the rental drop box while my coworker continues the struggle.)

Coworker: “…absolutely, ma’am. Those DVD viruses can be an absolute hassle, and you’re doing well to keep yourself protected.”

(He finishes ringing her up as I finally get myself in check.)

Coworker: “You have a wonderful day, ma’am.”

Customer: “You too, young man!”

(She leaves. We just look at each other.)

Me: “If I hadn’t been here, I’d never believe this.”

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Made Contact With The X-Men

, , , , | Working | April 14, 2015

(My coworker has run out of his regular contacts and my boss has allowed him to wear his Halloween contacts at work today, which means he has red irises. None of the customers comment on it until one woman’s eight-year-old son notices them.)

Boy: “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

Coworker: *without missing a beat, dead serious* “Did you ever see the movie X-Men?”

Boy: *gasps* “NO. WAY!”

(The mom and I couldn’t stop laughing while I rang them up.)

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Just Brought Death To Her Career

, , , , | Working | November 11, 2013

(I’m showing a new secretary around the office. We go to get on the elevator, and when it arrives I see our chief operating officer (COO) in it. Our COO is very tall, thin, and has heavy scarring on his face.)

Me: “Good morning, Mr.—”

Secretary: “Ew, I don’t want to ride with him. Let’s take the next one.”

Me: “What?!”

Secretary: “He looks like the Grim Reaper. We’ll just take the next one.”

(The COO looks at her for a moment, then very calmly presses the ‘doors close’ button. I gape at the new secretary.)

Me: “What the h***, [Secretary]?”

Secretary: “What? He was weird-looking.”

Me: “You realize that that was the chief operating officer of the company?!”

Secretary: “Really? Ew.”

(She was fired before the end of the day.)

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