(It is around the holiday season. I’m at the mall, and you can imagine that it’s pretty packed with a bunch of people doing some last-minute shopping. I am roaming around the parking lot and can’t find any free spots for a good thirty minutes. Lo and behold, I see a large SUV backing out of a parking spot. In my wimpy Civic, I turn my clicker on to signal that I’m claiming this spot. As soon as the SUV completely backs out, I swerve in fast before anyone can see the empty spot. Of course, as I’m about to turn my car off, some Karen lady comes up to me with her car right behind mine.)

The Karen: “You took my spot!”

Me: “But you were nowhere in sight when I was waiting for it!”

(She keeps yelling and I honestly don’t have time for her bulls***.)

Me: “It’s the holiday season and I’m literally going to be in and out of the store; this isn’t something to be arguing about.”

The Karen: “That wasn’t the point of coming to you! You get out of the parking spot or else I’ll call security to remove your car!”

Me: “Maybe you should call Santa and his reindeers to hitch my car out of the spot.” *locks the door and walks away*

(I work for a pediatric dental practice. We are currently at our surgical center where kids get put to sleep so we can do all of the work necessary. There’s loads of paperwork, normal doctor check-ups, and numerous confirmations that patients’ parents need to go through before we see them. We have a two-year-old girl that needs work on every single tooth; she’s been on our waitlist for surgery for two months. We are about to bring her back to the OR.)

Nurse: “Okay, sweetheart, time to say bye to Mommy.”

Mom: *looking so confused* “Wait, why is she saying bye?”

Nurse: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you aren’t allowed into the OR for sterilization purposes.”

Mom: “But how is she supposed to fall asleep without me reading her a story?”

Nurse: “The anesthesiologist–”

Mom: “The what?!”

I decide to take a trip to the dog park with my boyfriend, his brother, and our dogs. As we get there, we enter the small dog section, since our dogs are fairly small.

We’re just walking around looking at other dogs playing with each other when, all of a sudden, we hear a very loud scream from some guy in the big dog section. Apparently, he is fighting with another dog owner, since her dog has been trying to get it on with multiple dogs in the big dog section.

This argument goes on for a while and each party seems to be saying some messed up s*** towards each other. I turn around and see all the owners from the small dog section huddling towards the gate like a flock of pigeons looking over to see what the two are fighting about.

This fight legit goes on for fifteen minutes and it goes nowhere, until I hear one elderly man go over to his other friend that’s still invested in the people fighting and tells him that this is such bulls*** and a waste of time, and there are more exciting things in life. Then, he says, “Here, let me give you some Viagra.”

(I work at a combined hotel front desk and casino players club. While we do everything in one place, they are two separate systems; doing something in one doesn’t require doing anything in the other.)

Guest: “What can you do for me tonight?”

Me: “Your only offers are for Sunday through Thursday. Cheapest tonight is a smoking economy room for $79.99.”

Guest: “No, that is just way too expensive.”

Me: “Okay, well, you have $5 bonus cash; if you could just sign here to receive the bonus cash…”

Guest: “No, I don’t want the room; it’s too much.”

Me: “The bonus cash has nothing to do with whether or not you stay in the room; it’s yours to take either way. I just need you to sign before I can give it to you.”

Guest: “No, I want nothing to do with this place tonight.”

(The guest storms out.)

Next Guest: “Did they really just refuse free cash?”

(I am driving west and stop at a hotel in Reno for the night. As I check in, the receptionist asks where I am parked. I tell her.)

Receptionist: “You have to park in lot B, because that is where your room is assigned.”

(No big deal. I finish checking in and move my car to that lot. Cut to the next morning. I go out to my car and see that my bike has been stolen off the car rack. I mention it to the morning receptionist:)

Receptionist: “Oh, yeah, we get a lot of thefts from that lot. The security camera’s broken.”

(That would have been more useful information on check-in.)