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The Wedding From (And In) Heck

, , , , , , , | Related | September 16, 2020

My younger sister had a summer wedding in Las Vegas where she was living at the time. It was hot as heck, in the nineties even at night that week. My dad had to pick me up at the airport. The flight was delayed three hours, so I got into Las Vegas just after 7:00 pm.

The groom’s family was supposed to take everyone out for dinner. They did not wait for us, so only my sister was there. They all got drunk as h***. My parents, grandmother, and I ended up eating at [Australia-Themed Chain]. Our dinner was very nice, but it was around 10:00 pm.

The groom and best man had a fistfight in the restaurant’s parking lot, which led to the groom and my sister spending the night in a Las Vegas emergency room. The best man ended up in jail for the entire weekend. My sister refused to leave her intended in the emergency room, so she called my mom about every two hours during the night. My folks did not get much sleep. I shared a room with my grandmom, so we slept okay.

The next day, the day of the wedding, the groom’s family, the groom, and my sister all showed up. They were all hungover and unhappy. The wedding was supposed to be at 1:00 pm, with the ceremony held at a cheap-looking walk-in wedding chapel. There was no shade or outdoor seating. The prior wedding party ran late, so we all spent an hour outdoors, in Las Vegas in July, where the outside temperature went from 108 to 110F during that hour. After about twenty minutes, my dad let my mom, grandmom, and me sit in their rental car with the air conditioning on so we didn’t get heatstroke.

Finally, a little past 2:00 pm, the ceremony could begin. It turns out that the chapel could hold twelve if everyone squished together, and there were more than twenty there. My dad squished inside, but I stayed in the rental car to keep my ninety-year-old grandmom healthy, and after a little bit, my mom came to sit out the ceremony.

We had to go back outside for wedding pictures. Photos for the ceremony were done by one of the groom’s friends. Everyone had to stand out in the sun again for another half-hour and I was ordered to not wear my prescription sunglasses for the pics. Since I never saw evidence of any pics, my guess is he screwed up somehow.

By this point, I had used all of a (large) tube of SPF-fifty sunscreen on myself, my grandmom, and my mom — and everyone else attending because no one else brought sunscreen. I was the only one who wore a hat. I was in long sleeves/full coverage, dying in the heat, because I’m pale as f***.

As the wedding group was getting into cars, someone rammed into me, knocking my prescription sunglasses — in their case — onto the asphalt, and a car drove over them. They were crushed beyond salvaging.

For the reception/wedding dinner, my sister had booked twenty reserved places for us at a bar she liked, and thirty were in the party by then. We got there and only two six-person booths were held for us. The catering guys never showed, but they did call the bar to alert them. This meant there was no food available, only drinks.

The cake, ordered separately, never showed up, either, but my sister only found this out an hour later. The bar’s staff lied that it was “in the back” so the entire group wouldn’t leave before spending money there.

Everyone got drunk — no food and lots of booze — except for me, since I don’t drink. I ended up driving my mom, dad, and grandmom back to our motel.

We were told there was another fight in the bar later that night which ended with more police involvement, but my sister didn’t want to talk about the details. Her new husband was arrested but not booked that night. My sister says they got out of the police station at around 3:00 am.

The marriage lasted less than a year.

If You Have An Identity, You Need An ID

, , , , , | Right | September 6, 2020

I am at the store purchasing a few items. This store sells a lot of different things, including alcohol. There are two people in front of me: a boy and a girl.

Employee: *Rings up their items* “And I’m going to need to see some ID for the alcohol.”

Male Customer: “Here you go.”

Employee: “Okay. I’m going to need to see yours, too, miss.”

Female Customer: “But he just showed you his.”

Employee: “Yes, but it’s our policy that we have to see the ID of everyone in the purchasing party.”

Female Customer: *Getting angry* “But I didn’t bring mine with me because I didn’t think that we would need both. It’s not that big of a deal.” 

Employee: “I’m sorry, but I could lose my job. I really need to see both IDs to sell this to you.” 

Customers: “Fine. Forget it, then!”

They leave angrily.

Employee: *Turns to me* “I am so sorry about the wait.”

Me: “Oh, no problem! I completely understand. And you were definitely doing the right thing.”

Employee: “Thanks. It’s just like people don’t realize that I could lose my job. I wouldn’t do that kind of thing over something so trivial. You wouldn’t believe how often this happens.”

Me: “I have no doubt.”

Underaged And Under Observation

, , , , , , | Right | August 20, 2020

I am twenty-seven years old. I am wearing a pink and white coat, my hair is rather long, and I am holding my purse. I go in to the movie theatre.

Me: “Hi, can I get a ticket to the 8:30 pm showing of [Film]?”

Cashier: “Okay. $7.”

The customer behind me speaks up.

Customer: “Hey, baby, didn’t I see ya last night?”

I was at home all night.

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Course you were; you were at that pink building.”

I am very confused. He proceeds to get a camera out and show me a picture. It is a girl DEFINITELY younger than me. She is dancing.

Me: “That’s… not me.”

Customer: “Sure it was, sweetie. You wanna get a soda together or go for another ride?”

I am feeling sick and light-headed. I also get very scared because I am CERTAIN the girl in the picture is underage.

Me: “Sir, I promise that I was in my home all last night. Besides, that girl is eighteen! I’m twenty-seven! And she could be younger; I have no idea.”

The cashier looks at the camera.

Cashier: “I know that girl. She’s on my street. It’s not you; you don’t have the tattoo. Boy, her mother’s gonna have a word with her.”

Customer: “So, she isn’t twenty-two?”

Cashier: “No, she’s at [High School].”

The customer went red and said he didn’t know. The “pink building” was a few blocks away and she stole her sister’s ID to work there.

Everyone Is Awesome!

, , , , | Right | July 1, 2020

I’m working at the cash register when two men enter the store. One of the men wants to return a pair of faulty shoes, while his friend waits by his side.

Me: “All right, guys. Let me call my manager down and we’ll get this started for you.”

I call my manager down, since they have to verify the return. I’ve only worked at the store for nine months, so I don’t have the authority to run anything through on my own.

Me: “Okay, it’ll just be a second. We have to call the managers down to start this.”

Customer: “That’s fine.”

Me: *Jokingly* “I can’t do it because I’m not awesome enough to be a manager.”

Customer’s Friend: *Very serious* “Why would you say that?”

Me: *Laughing* “It’s fine, believe me. I’m okay.”

Customers’ Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself.”

My manager arrives and clears them for an exchange. They wander through the store for a bit and then come back to the registers to complete the transaction with my manager. I happen to finish with another customer at the same time. I turn around to watch the store for anyone needing help.

Customer’s Friend: “Hey!”

I turn to face him.

Me: “Yes?”

Customer’s Friend: “Don’t you do it. Don’t you say anything bad about yourself.”

I try to placate him.

Me: “All right. I am awesome, then.”

Customer’s Friend: “I have a friend who does that all the time. I get so angry at him. You should never self-defecate yourself.”

I blink for a second in shocked hilarity.

Me: “I won’t, sir, I promise.”

It took me a second to decipher what he meant from what he actually said. After he left the store, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate response than embarrassed laughter.

A Double Coat Of Entitlement

, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2020

I work at a small animal hospital that offers limited boarding and grooming services. Our main focus is on healthcare. Because we are a small practice with many of our employees working in dual departments for coverage, we have rules for when we can provide certain services.

For example, if you want “grooming,” we require animals to make appointments a couple of days ahead and they have to be dropped off in the morning. This way we can make sure we have someone who can give the dog a bath with enough time to dry and be brushed out. We make exceptions for small, short-haired dogs like Chihuahuas.

It is 2:30 pm.

Client: “I would like to bring my pet in for a bath.”

Me: “Okay, let me pull up your account. What is your last name and your pets’ name, and when would you like to bring your pet in?”

Client: “I am [Client] and I would like to bring her in this afternoon if that’s okay.”

On the account I see that the pet is a long-haired, hundred-pound shepherd mix who is also aggressive.

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we do not do grooming services in the afternoon since we don’t have the time nor the staff available.”

Client: “Really? But I really need to get her in. We are getting new carpet put in today so I need her to be clean.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but we can’t do a bath on a double-coated dog this late in the day.”

Client: “Can’t you just ask [Doctor]? She knows me.”

I go to the doctor who is also the owner of the practice and fill her in. Originally, she says no but when I inform the client, she presses again. I go back to the doctor and she agrees but with conditions.

Me: “Okay, [Doctor] says it is okay if you bring [Pet] in now. You can expect her to be done right before we close at 5:30. We cannot promise that we will be able to brush her out completely but we will do the best we can. Please try to be in the clinic no later than 5:15 to pick her up.”

The client shows up thirty minutes later and the technician who really should be helping the doctors gets started on giving the pet a bath. At 4:15 pm:

Client: “Hi. I just want to know if my pet is ready for pick up.”

Me: “No, she is still pretty wet. It takes a long time for double-coated dogs to dry.”

Client: “Can you give me a time when she will be ready?”

Me: “She probably won’t be ready until right before we close at 5:30.”

Client: “She won’t be ready sooner? I need to plan out the rest of the night; I don’t want to have to wait around for her to be ready.”

Me: “Ma’am, we are doing the best we can to get her back to you. Like I said, double-coated dogs take a long time to dry. Then, we have to brush her really good because if we don’t you will have little puffs of white hair everywhere. The bath and the dryer loosen up the undercoat. You don’t want to have dog hair all over your new carpet, do you?”

Client: “We aren’t getting carpet put in today; we are just getting our house measured for new carpet.”

Me: *Frustrated pause* “You can pick your pet up at 5:15.”