Valentine’s Crimes

, , , , , | Romantic | February 14, 2018

(It’s Valentine’s Day, and although it’s not really celebrated in my country, we have a few things for the occasion. A young man comes running in, panting like crazy.)

Customer: “I need that teddy bear!” *points to a bear with a big heart on his chest* “And that balloon!” *a giant heart with “I love you” written on it*

Me: “Sure. It will be [amount].”

Customer: “Do you have chocolates?!”

Me: “Yes, I can recommend [Brand] that comes with a little love poem inside.”

Customer: “Yes, give me two.”

(I gather everything and put it in a red and pink bag. He pays and runs off like he’s being chased by the devil. My boss has been watching in silence until this moment.)

Boss: “Do you think he just forgot or that he needs to repent for some sins?”

Me: “I don’t want to know.”

Totally Three From The Truth

, , | Working | December 6, 2017

(I’m answering a survey about supermarkets.)

Caller: “From 1 to 5, how good is [Supermarket]?

Me: “I don’t know; I’ve never been to one of those.”

Caller: “…sorry, I can’t leave a blank answer.”

Me: “Are you serious? How am I supposed to give you useful information?”

Caller: “You can guess…?”

Me: “Okay, three. That way it’ll affect your results the least.”

Caller: “That’s smart.”

(He keep asking questions and there are A LOT I cannot answer, as not every one of the supermarkets are in my city. I keep answering “I don’t know, so three”.)

Caller: “Well, thank you very much for contributing to this survey.”

Me: “You do know that the results will be full of lies, right?”

Caller: *nervous laughter*