Nailed It… Kind Of

, , , , , | Legal | October 30, 2020

My father is in a wheelchair, and our next-door neighbor is a very bigoted man. He calls my father lazy, mentally r******d, stupid, alcoholic, and derogatory terms for Native Americans.

One day, my father and I are on our porch enjoying the sunshine when our neighbor appears on his doorstep and shouts across the yard to us.

Neighbor: “Go back inside, you lazy r*****!”

Father: “This is my property, [Neighbor]. I’ll do what I please.”

Neighbor: “I said go back inside!”

Father: “Or you’ll what?”

Neighbor: “I’ll shoot you!”

Father: “Go ahead. I’ve got a nail gun. [My Name] is pretty good with a rifle. He can shoot you in the scrotum in the two seconds it takes for you to go back inside your house and never speak to us again.”

The neighbor went back inside.

A few minutes later, a cop car showed up, and he got out and spoke with our neighbor. Then they came to our house for our side of the story, and I showed them the video footage of our neighbor coming out and insulting us and threatening my dad. Both the neighbor and my dad were arrested and both were charged with threatening with a deadly weapon, but my neighbor also got charged with discrimination and harassment, and he confessed to planning to poison our dog with bleach. He’ll be serving time longer than my dad will be.

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Truckloads Of Passive-Aggressiveness

, , , | Friendly | CREDIT: oscarmendonca | October 26, 2020

Behind my house, there’s an area reserved for garages. Plans were drawn in 1968, and only three of the eighteen allocated plots have had a garage built. The remaining have a cement base and we park there. 

As spaces are narrow (2.4m wall to wall), and brick garages are expensive. I think of having a pre-built one installed for a quarter of the cost.

A neighbour the same street sees me taking measurements.

Neighbour: “Are you putting a garage up?”

Me: “Yes.”

Neighbour: “Have you gotten planning permission?”

Me: *Confused* “No, don’t think I need it.”

It turns out I do.

Neighbour: “I will call the planning permission people after you have the garage installed, then.”

After looking into it and confirming I do need to apply for planning permission (at an extra cost) I am a bit annoyed. All I wanted was a place to use a storage, and here’s this guy being kind of passive-aggressive with his comments. The reason is actually he wants to buy some of the plots near mine but no one wants to sell them to him. 

I can be very petty. So I bought a rundown Luton van and had it parked there, sorn (Statutory Off Road Notification – basically had it declared non-drivable and moveable) and started using it as storage.

No planning permission required!

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Everything Turns Out Peachy For This Furball

, , , | Friendly | October 24, 2020

I’ve got a laundry basket on my hip, preparing to go out the back door to the clothesline. My cats are milling about my feet. I finally get the door open and suddenly a blur of fur darts INSIDE my house and races off into the kitchen. My cats proceed to lose their minds.

I close the door, put the basket down, and follow my cats, who now have something baled up behind the fridge and are hissing and yowling at me to make it go away. I look behind the fridge and see a small ball of fur. We have a lot of strays in our area, so I assume it is one of the kittens I have seen running through the yard.

I try the tested and true kissy noises, which only seems to get my cats to headbutt me and purr. I click my fingers, and the ball of fur continues to quiver and stays jammed behind the fridge.

After about fifteen minutes of this, I decide to pray to the cat gods and reach back there to grab it. I shove my arm behind the fridge, grab the furball, pull it back out, and realise I am holding a small, very ANGRY ferret by its butt. I manage to get a grip on its scruff and hold it, dumbfounded, while it squirms and tries to get away. My cats have realised how long the furball is and have performed tactical retreats. How brave.

While I stare at this ferret and wonder what the heck I’m meant to do next, I hear a knock on my door. I gingerly carry the increasingly angry ferret with me to the door and open it to find a neighbor from up the street and his clearly distraught daughter who is around eight.

Neighbor: “Sorry, love, I was wondering if it would be okay if we went in your backyard to look for my daughter’s ferret? She’s gotten out of her cage somehow and we’ve been looking for hours.” 

I pull my right arm out from behind the door, revealing the squirming fur-tube I am currently holding.

Me: “Is this her?”

Little Girl: “PEACHES!”

As soon as I handed the creature back, it was entirely calm, laying in this little girl’s arms like a baby and wriggling happily. I told them what had happened and the dad laughed, saying the ferret scared the h*** out of his cat, too. I even got to pet the little fuzzbutt now that it was happy and back with its small human. 

The dad marveled that none of the neighborhood dogs had gotten to it and said it was lucky I only had scaredy-cats. When I started laughing, he seemed confused until I whistled. From around the side of my house, my 70-kg pitbull/lab mix stuck his head out, saw the ferret in the girl’s arms, and whined, refusing to come any closer.

At least the cats had given chase; my giant “vicious guard dog” hadn’t even barked!

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Many Hands Make Light Work

, , , , , , | Healthy | October 22, 2020

I used to volunteer with my town’s first aid squad. Most of the calls would be relatively minor in nature, but every once in a while, a true life-or-death emergency would occur.

This story occurs on the day of a blizzard with over twelve inches of snow already on the ground. We get a call for chest pain and begin to head toward the house as quickly as is safely possible. As we get onto side streets, a township snow plow meets up with us to plow the road in front of the ambulance.

We arrive at the house to see a driveway on a steep incline that is, of course, covered with snow. We all make our way up without falling and go into the house. We find a patient having a true heart emergency and in need of the hospital immediately. Our team leader takes over.

Team Leader: “[Colleague #1] and [Colleague #2], go get the snow shovels out of the rig and start making a pathway to get [Patient] out. [My Name], get [this equipment], [that equipment], and [other equipment] and bring it inside.

The three of us went outside. The other two started shoveling a pathway while I started grabbing the necessary equipment. As I started carrying it up to the house, a neighbor with a snowblower made his way over and started clearing the snow from the driveway. Suddenly, two more neighbors with snowblowers arrived and joined in the effort. On my second trip outside, I watched as two teenagers with shovels ran over and started clearing off the steps. A moment later, yet another neighbor appeared with a bag of sand and she began to coat the steps & driveway to improve traction.

We were able to get the patient down the driveway, into the ambulance, and safely to the hospital, where he made a full recovery. And my faith in humanity? Restored!

This story is part of our Most Inspirational Of 2020 roundup!

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This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for October 2020!

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Maybe “Assault” Means Something Different In Australia?

, , , , | Friendly | October 13, 2020

We live next door to a house on a corner. Their driveway is on the opposite side of the house to ours; however, they have a gate to their yard right next to our driveway. The tenants insist that THIS is their driveway. People often park in front of the gate, causing the neighbours to lose it every time. They scream obscenities at anyone they catch parking there or leave abusive notes on the cars. However, they never call the council because they know they aren’t right!

One day, I park there as I’m just ducking home to get changed before going out again. The two women are in the yard with their car, but the gate is closed. I go into my house and come out about thirty minutes later to find an abusive note threatening police if I park there again. They are still in the yard but quickly turn their backs to me. I scrunch up the note and throw it in the yard, get in the car, and drive off just as they come running out, screaming.

Neighbours: “Assault! That’s assault! You assaulted us! That’s it! We’re calling the police!”

It turns out that they were awful tenants and the lease was not renewed.

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