Minus One Bill, Plus One Federal Offense

, , , , | Right | March 31, 2009

(I work at a call center that handles many types of cell phone issues, including the bills.)

Me: “Thank you for calling, my name is [My Name] and I’ll be assisting you today. Is this call in regards to wireless number [number]?”

Caller: “Why y’all done sent me a bill for two thousand minutes?! I don’t even own a cell phone!”

Me: “Um… well, does the bill have your name on it, ma’am?”

Caller: “Of course it does! Right here…” *paper rustling*

Caller: “Oh, lawdy! I done opened my neighbor’s mail!”


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I Like My Italians Color-Coded, Too

, , , | Right | April 2, 2008

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, ma’am?”

Lady: “Hi, yes. I’d like to get a bottle of wine for my neighbor.”

Me: “All right, what kind?”

Lady: “Kind?”

Me: “Yes, red or white?”

Lady: “Oh, there are two kinds?”

Me: “Well, there are more than two, but those are general groups.”

Lady: “Oh, well, he’s Italian… I think… so we’ll go with Italian.”

Me: “All right, a red or a white Italian?”

Lady: “Well, he’s kind of tan, but I guess white.”

Me: “Um… not your neighbor. The wine, ma’am?”

Lady: “Oh… the Italian wines have groups, too? I guess one of each…”

(This was just the beginning, as I had to describe the fact that there are numerous red and white wine varieties. You can imagine how that went.)


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My Neighbor Broke, Can You Fix It

, , | Right | November 7, 2007

Tech Support: “So, you’re having issues picking up your wireless signal. How many connections are there?”

Customer: “There are two other networks but only one bar on each. Those are my bad neighbors.”

Tech Support: “So, the good signal isn’t there? Hmm, your modem might be off; can we check that?”

Customer: “Modem?”

(Tech support troubleshoots that for a while before realizing the guy has never paid for Internet before and doesn’t own a modem.)

Tech Support: “Sir, when you said the other connections were your ‘bad neighbors’… did you mean that the good neighbor with the good signal isn’t there?”

Customer: “Oh, he moved?”


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